5/31/12

BLARGH! I feel I have been separating from my blog *tear tear*

My friend will be here in a week so excited....

I am ashamed...more than that I am...there is no word for what I am, I...I am scum and not the scum on the bottom of your shoe, no. I am the scum on the bottom of a rats foot... :(

I have been binging and not working out! I have not even felt guilty!! Of course I cussed myself out, called myself names and pulled on my hair but I didn't stop myself or try to diet or restrict! I am SICKENED I deserve to die! 

I will diet and restrict as much as possible and when I am not doing that I will fast. 

Low Cal. Sweet Treat

Find the lowest calorie, healthiest butter that you can.

Get some low calorie tortillas.

Get either brown sugar or cinnamon sugar.

Prepare:

Step 1: Rub (not spread) butter all over the tortilla, then put a small amount of butter in the middle of the tortilla, heat up in the microwave until the butter is melted. Tilt the plate around until the butter has dripped all over the tortilla.

Step 2: sprinkle the sugar(s) onto the tortilla evenly, when satisfied roll the tortilla up and let cool for a minute or two.

Done, and ready to enjoy!

5/23/12

I love this picture, this is exactly what I want to look like. 

Let us see I have had 300 calories today total and that is all I will be eating for the day.




DAILY TIPS:

I find that when I feel especially fat, I don't want to eat and it makes it much easier to not binge.
Try wearing unflattering clothes (tight, too small, the wrong colour for your skin tone, etc.) You can doll yourself up just make sure you feel ugly (body wise). Try messing with your scale (if it is not digital) to make it a higher number when you step on, set it on 5lb instead of 0 so it adds 5 lb pushing you to feel fat and lose more weight.


I feel particularly disgusting today, I do not even want to move. The feeling of my clothes tight against my skin is making me sick along with seeing my fat legs in these shorts. I hate myself.  I am just full blown DISGUSTED with myself!!

5/22/12

Hello, loves! Today is officially the first day of my new diet and it seems to be going well as I--after a week and a few days of not being--am hungry. Oh it is absolutely wonderful!


I am a little worried about something though...

Every time I fast I binge after so I am not sure how well I will be able to stick to the 50 calories or less diet tomorrow...

Sun. - 50 calories
Mon. - 50 cal.
Tue. - Fast
Wed. - 50 cal.
Thu. - Fast
Fri. - 50 cal.
Sat. - Fast

I started on a Tuesday (today) so I am fasting and so I'll need will power of steel!

Wish me luck!

Huge distraction list!

*I have bolded all the things that will burn the most calories

Sleep?

read?

dance?

sing?

write?

talk to pets?

dance with pets?

play with pets?

Poke pets?

Buy a pet?

Talk to plants?

Dance with plants?

Watch other people and make up life stories for them?

Sing into your hairbrush?

Experiment with makeup (even the guys)?

Do a fashion show for yourself or someone else?

Stay around other people?

Surf the net?

Look for stupid pictures on Google?

Go onto bored.com?

Make a cd?

Listen to music?

Make a video?

Draw?

Sit in front of the mirror and pull faces?

Change hair style/colour?

Draw over pretty people in magazines?

Make a collage of photos?

Make a collage that represents you (all positive pictures please)?

Make someone a present?

Origami?

Write a letter to someone?

Reorganize your cds or videos?

Make a happy box (put all the things that make you smile into it)?

Change your room?

Clean your room?

Clean the house?

Go to the gym?

Read the dictionary?

Read the bible?

Study?

Revision?

Work?

Learn another language?

Talk to a friend?

Phone someone?

Prank call someone?

Do the washing up?

Run around naked/in your underwear?

Put all the clothes in your wardrobe on and try to walk?

Jump up and down and see how long you can go for?

Count up to a million?

Try out new/different signatures?

Try writing with your toes?

Play games on the computer?

Play games on PS, X BOX, PS etc.?

Play cards with someone? 

Learn new card tricks?

Play solitaire?

Take a bath?

Take a shower?

Recreate a scene from a book?

Pretend to be someone stupid on eastenders?

Write your own dictionary?

Write a book?

Buy a book?

See how much gum you can chew at once?

Make your own board game?

Say the alphabet backwards three times in a row without mistakes!?

Laugh at the number "69" ha-ha!

Do a word search?

Make your own word search?

Make a little flip book of stick men?

Go out with friends?

Go out with family?

Play an instrument?

Learn how to play an instrument?

Paper airplanes?

Redecorate some of your clothes (ask for permission first!)

Hug one of your teddy bears as tightly as possible until the urges to eat go away? 

Watch the film you hate the most twice?

Watch the complete trilogy of Lord of the Rings? Or read the books?

Use a red felt tip pen instead?

Go shopping?

Prepare for the marathon?

Go see a show/opera?

Throw a party?

If you had to organize a party for 10 celebrities what would it be like?

Which 10 celebs would you invite?

Count how many leaves there are on a tree? (My favourite lol)

Play footy?

Make up your own songs?

Pretend to perform them for your sweetie?

Pray?

Read a thesaurus?

Try and find the longest word in the dictionary?

Paint your toes different colours?

Try and keep smiling for minutes? (It’s so hard)

Play dares with your friends?

Pretend its April fools today!?

Write a love letter telling the one you care about most how much they mean to you?

Knit?

Make your own wacky outfit?

Go out with your mates and dare each other to try on whatever you pick out for them?

Try and make pictures or faces out of clouds?

Learn what all the stars mean?

Make your own quiz

Look at photos?

See how much you can hole punch a piece of paper?

Try and see how many words u can type in minutes?

See if u can make a short story with the emoticons on msn?

On RYL post to every thread in one section, then do another?

Watch everything on one channel on the tele without falling asleep or getting up?

How long can u go without blinking?

Give your guinea pig/hamster/pet rat or mouse a HAIR CUT? (Please be careful....for your pets sake!)

Scan your bum?

Scan your bum then print loads of copies and give them to all your mates or post em through people’s doors?

Write in your diary/journal? Create one online?

See how many channels you can go through on the Tele without your thumb getting tired?

Miss call everyone you have saved in your mobile? See how many respond

Research 'Okapi' on google.com?

How many words you can write in a minute, about anything!?

Peel all the white bits off an orange?

How much gum can you chew?

Sit on the toilet?

See how many times you can spin around without being sick?

Teach your pet a new trick?

How long can you keep your hands together?

How about counting how many distractions there are on this page then telling me how many?

How long can you keep your eyes closed and not go to sleep?!

PM everyone who has helped you and say thank you? 

Have a nice bath, listen to some relaxing music?

E mail me...or a friend?

Kiss everyone around ya?

Put your phone on charge?

Buy a phone?!

Practice dancing?

Practice cheer-leading?

Play with pompoms?

Make your own pompoms?

Knit?

Plan your dream wedding?

Plan your dream holiday?

Go to a concert?

Take photos of anything n see if they could mean anything to u?

Play bop it? That’s cool!

Organize a sleep over?

Play spin-the-bottle?

Learn to play chess?

Play chess?

Play all the board games you have in the house?

Buy the newest type of monopoly? I believe it's Lord Of The Rings

Listen to every CD you own?

See how long you can go without saying anything?

Name all the seven dwarfs?

Watch every Disney film you have?

Make up a friendship test; see how well your mates know you?

Dress up as the opposite sex? (Then take a pic n post it here lol)

Do a puzzle?

Make your own puzzle?

Clean the hover? well the hover normally cleans everything else and doesn't get cleaned itself!

Learn to ski?

Read your old letters?

Design new flip flops?

Organize your wardrobe by colour?

Go to your nearest farm?

See how far you can walk?

How many times can you run up and down the stairs?

Do your own word association page on paper?

Search for stupid stuff on ebay.com?

How many insects can u count in your garden?

How long can you hold a spider for?

See how long you can keep just one eye open for?

Get a mate, one of u dress up as an angel and the other a devil then go round shops telling ppl to buy n not buy certain clothes!

See how many songs u can download in 30 minutes?

Record yourself on a tape n make copies and give them to friends...tell them to listen while they sleep. u can stay stuff like "I'm your best-est friend in the whole world i deserve lots n lots of presents!"

See how many words you can write in a minute? How many of those words you could write in a minute?

Pretend you're a ghost who would you haunt first?

Make three wishes?

Make more wishes?

Write a list of cool places to go on different pieces of paper, screw them up and pick one?

Paint your fingernails different colours? 

Send people messages on the net in white font (with white background)?

Change your blog layout!

5/21/12

Have already had 1075 calories today and it is only 7:10am, that is a new fucking record. I will be fasting for the rest of the day and then I will start my program:

Must fast 3 days every week and my weekly calorie intake must be 200 or less, meaning all 7 days combined can only be 200 or less calories. 

work outs: Not recommended but you must stretch every chance you get for as long as you can.

Allowed foods/beverages: You may only drink water, green tea, or black coffee. You may eat chicken broth or Broccoli, Cannelloni Bean & Cheddar Soup

Chicken broth is easy to find you can simply buy Chicken Noodle soup and drain the liquids throwing the noodles and chicken away, or you can buy a can of just plain chicken broth.

Cannelloni Bean & Cheddar Soup

This is easy to make and only takes 20 minutes!

6 servings, scant 1 cup each

Active Time: 20 minutes

Total Time: 20 minutes

NUTRITION PROFILE:

• Diabetes appropriate 
•  Low calorie 
•  Low carbohydrate 
•  Low cholesterol 
•  High calcium 
• High fiber 
•  Gluten free 

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 14-ounce can reduced-sodium chicken broth, or vegetable broth
• 1 cup water
• 1 pound broccoli crowns, trimmed and chopped (about 6 cups)
• 1 14-ounce can cannellini beans, rinsed (see Tip)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
• 1 cup shredded extra-sharp Cheddar cheese

PREPARATION

1. Bring broth and water to a boil in a medium saucepan over high heat. Add broccoli, cover and cook until tender, about 8 minutes. Stir in beans, salt and pepper and cook until the beans are heated through, about 1 minute.
2. Transfer half the mixture to a blender with half the cheese and puree. (Use caution when pureeing hot liquids.) Transfer to a bowl. Repeat with the remaining broccoli mixture and cheese. Serve warm.

TIPS & NOTES

Tip: While we love the convenience of canned beans, they tend to be high in sodium. Give them a good rinse before adding to a recipe to rid them of some of their sodium (up to 35 percent) or opt for low-sodium or no-salt-added varieties. (These recipes are analyzed with rinsed, regular canned beans.) Or, if you have the time, cook your own beans from scratch.

NUTRITION

Per serving:

152 calories; 7 g fat ( 4 g sat , 0 g mono ); 20 mg cholesterol; 15 g carbohydrates; 11 g protein; 6 g fiber; 558 mg sodium; 491 mg potassium.

Nutrition Bonus: 

Vitamin C (94% daily value), Vitamin A (25% dv), Calcium (21% dv)

Carbohydrate Servings: 1/2

Exchanges: 

1 starch, 1 vegetable, 1 1/2 lean meat

MORE HEALTHY RECIPE IDEAS

Low-Calorie Creamy Soup Recipes

Cheese Recipes for Strong Bones

Delicious Recipes with Kale and More Healthy Winter Greens

Low-Calorie Soup Recipes

Soups and Salads to Help You Lose Weight

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

Cheddar-Ale Soup

Cheddar Cauliflower Soup

Escarole & White Bean Soup

Sweet Potato & Black Bean Chili for Two

Hearty Minestrone

Food: Disgusting

So you want to fast but stink at it? 

So you have a hard time saying no to pizza, chocolate, or grapes? 

Well I have a solution... Broaden your knowledge!!!! 

Start researching the brands you buy from how they grow their produce, how it's processed, what are all the ingredients, etc. 

 If you eat meat watch documentaries on where it comes from, how they kill the animals (farm to fridge on YouTube) or watch here:

You also need to know that they inject the animals with hormones, learn what the animals eat and how they live (most live in tight areas filled with their own feces). 

DO YOUR RESEARCH! Know what you are putting into your body. 

 Did you know even if the chicken is sick they still go to factory to get processed and sent to market? 

Did you know that they are constantly giving chickens antibiotics in which inevitably will be ingested when you eat them? 

 Cows stand ankle-deep in their own poop all day every day when they get SLAUGHTERED most of the poop will fall into the meat in which you will inevitably eat. 

 CHOCOLATE, AND CHOCOLATE LIQUOR 

•  Insect filth: Average is 60 or more insect fragments per 100 grams when 6 100-gram subsamples are examined OR any 1 subsample contains 90 or more insect fragments 
•  Rodent filth: Average is 1 or more rodent hairs per 100 grams in 6 100-gram subsamples examined OR any 1 subsample contains 3 or more rodent hairs 

 CITRUS FRUIT JUICES, CANNED 

•  Insects and insect eggs: 5 or more Drosophila and other fly eggs per 250 ml or 1 or more maggots per 250 ml 

 RED FISH AND OCEAN PERCH 

•  Parasites: 3% of the fillets examined contain 1 or more parasites accompanied by pus pockets 

MACARONI AND NOODLE PRODUCTS 

•  Insect filth: Average of 225 insect fragments or more per 225 grams in 6 or more subsamples
•  Rodent filth: Average of 4.5 rodent hairs or more per 225 grams in 6 or more subsamples 

 PEANUT BUTTER 

•  Insect filth: Average of 30 or more insect fragments per 100 grams 
•  Rodent filth: Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 100 grams 

 POPCORN 

•  Rodent filth: 1 or more rodent excreta pellets are found in 1 or more subsamples, and 1 or more rodent hairs are found in 2 or more other subsamples OR 2 or more rodent hairs per pound and rodent hair is found in 50% or more of the subsamples OR 20 or more gnawed grains per pound and rodent hair is found in 50% or more of the subsamples 

WHEAT FLOUR

•  Insect filth: Average of 75 or more insect fragments per 50 grams 
•  Rodent filth: Average of 1 or more rodent hairs per 50 grams Secondly watch the documentary 

"Food Inc" it is on Netflix if you have it. this is also a documentary on animals and produce etc. or watch here:

It is a very good idea to learn this stuff and research it ESPECIALLY during a fast as it makes it easier to resist food. 

 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch all the documentaries you can on this it is extremely important.

5/18/12

Food log:

Spin wheel - 100 calories

Pasta - 150 cal.

bread - 185 cal.

pop tarts - 210 cal. 

chips - 150

Smart one's meal - 300 cal.

Total: 1095 calories

Holy mother of fuck.... One thousand and ninety-five calories....in one fucking day?! That is what I call a BINGE!!!

I am a bloody failure

DAILY TIP:

• Get undershirts that are tight (muscle shirts) they look like tank tops 

Wear one or two under your normal outfit, this will assure that you do not over eat as it holds your stomach in making you feel full, also you have to eat less because it has a corset effect. ALSO it pushes stuff through quicker...you know...

5/17/12

A drop in the ocean

A change in the weather 

I was praying that you and me might end up together

it's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert 

but I'm holding you closer than most 

because you are my heaven~

Ugh, in my solitude I only have the slow and steady beating of my heart to keep me comfort. I miss being hungry, I miss not eating, I miss that control... I feel like I am slipping, slipping, slipping...

A walking zombie that is all I am, I can't help but push everyone away and drift back into my old patterns of sleeping literally all day waking to the moon and distancing myself from others...

I feel so alone

Make it taste bad

Are you hungry?

Are you afraid to eat?

Do you want to eat but are afraid you will binge?

I have the solution!

• First, common sense, make sure what you are wanting to eat is low calorie, low fat, low sugar.

• Secondly, get one serving of whatever it is (I will use cream cheese as an example) so, get one serving of cream cheese put it on your plate.

• Thirdly, separate that one serving into as many tiny servings as you can to create the illusion that you are eating more.

• Fourthly, put eatable stuff on it to make it hard to eat (spices to burn your mouth, too salty; etc.) shake about 2 tsp. of 0 or low calorie hot sauce on each little serving of cream cheese. Then shake 1 tsp of 0 calorie hot spices on each little serving. This will make it hard to eat thus not over eating and you will associate food with displeasure, your mind will trigger that full feeling quicker so you will stop eating and most likely not even finish the full serving of food. 

There are also some other things I want to address to help as well:

This is what I do at least and it helps a lot...

I have restriction days, starvation days, and allowance days.

Restriction days - I do not touch the food I eat, I never let it touch my lips or hands, I wash my hands before and after I eat, I also brush my teeth before I eat so I eat less. I will either plan out what I can eat for the day, or plan how many calories total I can have for the day. I do not allow myself to be around food for too long, I do not allow myself to look at or smell food. I also do not watch TV or movies and I don't watch others eat. I am very strict and I keep a ritual going. I am only allowed to drink water on these days. Nothing is to be consumed except the food I have planned.

Starvation days - I do not eat at all, I drink a lot of water, on these days I am allowed to chew gum or drink coffee. I am not allowed to watch TV or movies. This is basically the same as restriction except no food, I am allowed to drink coffee and chew gum and I do not have to workout.

Allowance days - On these days I do not workout, I watch TV or movies, I am allowed to snack on low calorie things and to drink crystal light water (5 calories). I tend to binge on these days and when I have allowance days it is usually 3 or 4 back to back so I have one or two allowance rituals both lasting a day or two and then I am back to restricting and starving.

Rules

Please excuse number 1, I am nocturnal and so you should change the times to fit your own needs.

1. Do not eat before 9pm or after 4am
2. Eat only at specified times (9pm, 12am, 3am)
3. Only 200 cal. a day. Under no circumstances may you ever exceed 500 calories a day.
4. Must do at least 1, 5-minute cardio and core exercise per day

And the most important, that you should never..ever, ever, ever forget:

1. You can not eat ANYTHING you do not know the exact nutritional value (calorie, fat, sugar, protein, vitamin count) of.

Calorie Calculator: This one is perfect!

http://www.healthyweightforum.org/eng/calorie-calculator.asp

This one is freaking amazing, immeasurable, priceless--that is if you are like me and like to calculate calories from every single activity from sitting while eating to ballet. Truly has every activity you need, AND it has days of the week so you can calculate exercise for every day! Also it would be a good idea to have a food journal. For those who do not know what that is, it is a place to write every single thing that enters your mouth down (even if you do not swallow it, even if you purge it you need to write it down), you need to write what time you ate it and how many calories it was. 

They're helping me to my grave

My mother bought me MEAL REPLACEMENT BARS! Only 160 calories per bar that is only 480 calories per day, you burn that just sleeping. Why does she do this? Is it sub conscious? I do not understand, I am not complaining I just...I wonder if my mother wants me to have a disorder because in a way it is a way to have control in her own life as she is a fatso who cannot control herself and her own actions, maybe keeping me in my disorder is her way of showing control? Who knows...

My *NEW NEW NEW* Diet

Breakfast (7am) - Toast (Toast-70 calories) 

                 [optional]    - w/ melted cheese (cheese-80 calories)

Lunch  (12pm) - 1/2 apple (40 calories)

Dinner (6pm) - 1/2 apple (40 calories)

Fast every Saturday.

Drink 4+ bottles of purified water (20 fluid ounces per bottle) every day.

TOTAL CALORIE COUNT (w/ cheese): 230 calories

TOTAL CALORIE COUNT (w/out cheese): 150 calories

My info:

My metabolism naturally burns approximately 1489.6 calories a day with no "out of my way" additional work. I need to be consuming 2308.88 calories a day. That is 2158.88 calorie difference, I will be having -1339.6 calories every day which adds up to:

-9377.2 calories per week

3 Lbs LOST PER WEEK WITH NO EXERCISE

Why cant fasting be easy dammit!

I hate it! I am such a disgusting fat bitch! I have no respect for myself, my body or anything. I have no self control and I am going to die because of it. I WISH I could just simply starve, but no it is just no that god damn easy! 

I had a revelation, I saw Ana, yes I understand how crazy that sounds. I looked in the mirror, first head on then turned to the sides, I stared for a really, really long time and when I went to turn away my eyes filled with tears of guilt, and self-hate I heard it. The voice, "Stop whining you little skank, you did it to yourself. I can help you if you really want this, if you promise to listen to me from now on. If you promise to give your self completely to me. Listen to me, and I will save you from yourself." Looking in the mirror I saw my body the one I really want, skinny, collar bones, and hip bones......the thigh gap...She winked, smiling,  and it was gone, just my fat self...and my reflection. 

Eating 101

When you eat:

• Make sure you eat in the same exact spot for every single meal/snack
• Do not watch TV when eating, focus all your attention on your meal
• Do not stand while eating!! It is easy to rush when doing this thus over eating
• Work out before you eat, lay down on your left side for 30 minutes after eating and workout again
• Drink as much water as you can before, during, and after you eat

So..this is like uberly creepy?

So today I typed out a contract between my friend and I for losing weight. It has rules such as can't complain, must workout, can't talk self or other participants into quitting, etc. 

Here is the weird part, I signed it and also stamped it with my thumb using my blood..

My friend has not signed yet nor does she know about it yet as she is still in Alabama, she won't have a problem with it, I just feel a blood pact is the strongest thing there is and it will keep me from straying too far from my ultimate goal this summer.

Weight Loss Basics

BMI (Body Mass Index)

To figure out your BMI, you divide your weight (in kilos) by the result you get when you take your height (in metres) and multiply it by itself.

<15 = emaciated

15-17.5 = considered anorexic

17.5-18.5 = underweight

18.5-25 = healthy weight range

25-30 = overweight

over 30 = obese

Or you could use an online BMI calculator, such as www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi

Pounds to kilos ~ 1 Kilogram=2.205lbs

* 1 pound is 3500 calories. You must burn that many cals to lose a pound, and consume that amount to gain one. Though if you resrtict your daily cal intake by too much, your body goes into starvation mode, and holds on to everything. This means it might take less than 3500 calories to make a difference.

Think the Victoria Secret Models are hot? 

Their average measurement is a 34B bust, 25inch waist and 34inch hips

Height Weight Chart

Height Healthy 15% Under 25% Under 35% Under

5'           100      85                75                    65

5'1"           105      89                78                68

5'2"           110      93                82                71

5'3"           115      97                86                74

5'4"           120     102                90                78

5'5"           125     106                93                81

5'6"           130     110                97                84

5'7"           135     114               101                87

5'8"           140     119               105                91

5'9"           145     123               108                94

5'10"   150     127               112                97

5'11"   155     131               116              100

6'           160     136               120              104

Average Sizes:

average model 5'8" - 5'11" 120 lbs 34-25-34

average woman 5'4" 138 lbs 37-29-40

*If Barbie was a real person, she'd have a 91cm bust, 46cm hips, which is the equivalent of a size 12 bust, size four waist and size eight hips - not exactly average! But even Barbie has come a long way since her early days when she came complete with a set of scales at 110 lbs (49.5kg) and a diet guide that said, "How to Lose weight: Don't Eat"!

Ketosis

This is a stage in metabolism occurring when the liver has been depleted of stored glycogen and switches to a chronic fasting mode during long periods of starvation. Some people deliberately get their body to this stage as a diet eg. low carb diets like Atkins. 

1 gram of carbohydrate = 4 calories

1 gram of protein = 4 calories

1 gram of fat = 9 calories

Ana Homework

Mathematics: 1. Figure out how many pounds you must loose to be at your ideal weight. Multiply by 3500 (how many calories that equal a pound). This is what you need to work off. 2. Find out what your BMR is (your Basic metabolic rate, which is how many cals your body burns per day just to live). 3. Add your BMR with how many cals you burn each day through exercise etc, then take away how many cals you eat. Work out how many days it will take to get to your ideal weight. 4. Work out your BMI (go to my Weight loss basics page). Are you overweight? Underweight? Or in the healthy range? What would you like to be? 5. Weigh yourself and measure your height 6. decide how much you want to lose, if it is a high number (20+ lb) create several goal weights and then an ultimate goal weight.  7. Find out how many calories in common foods that you eat, memorize them 8. Workout what exercises you need to do and how much to burn a sufficient amount of calories. English: 1. Write a poem. Here are some examples for what it could be about- Being fat Being thin The Change happening within you Ana in your life 2. Start an Ana Journal, if you haven’t already. 3. Write a story about how Ana came into your life, and what it’s been like since. write a diary write down all your secret thoughts and feeling letting it out will make you feel better. 4. Write a story about life as an anorexic. (what ana is like, how it affects someone's life in every single way etc.) 5. read books where the main character has an eating disorder, make sure to post the name of the book and a summary in your own words.  6. read magazines (fashion, diet pages etc). Science: 1. Research diet pills, compare them and work out which would be best for you. 2. Research volumetrics, and using their formula for calculating energy density, explain why it’s important to stick to whole foods instead of processed, packaged foods.  3. Research vitamins our body needs every day and why. 4. research the best sources for getting certain vitamins 5. research laxatives, find the most dangerous and the healthiest compare, then research why it is bad to take laxatives and their effect on the body. History: 1. Research famous anorexic people throughout history. 2. Write an essay on one of them. Include childhood details, their battle with anorexia and if they recovered or not. 3.  research when Anorexia first arose. Psychology: 1. Find out how the brain works, and why some people get mental illnesses. 2. Write a list of things that might trigger an eating disorder. E.g. mean comments on weight. 3. write a short essay on when you got you're eating disorder (what caused it? how old were you? has anyone else in your family had and ED?) Music: 1. Look up songs that either has to do with Anorexia (E.g. Ana’s Song by Silverchair) or one that could be related to Ana (E.g. Beautiful by Christina). 2. Pick one of these songs, and write an essay on what it means to you. 3. If you have musical talent, try writing a song about Ana. Art: 1. Draw a self portrait of yourself (your whole body). 2. Draw Ana as a person. What would she look like? 3. Draw a picture that represents anorexia. 4. Look up other anorexic’s art. 5. Make a thinspo collage 6. take a photo of yourself and edit it to show how you would look if you reached your goal weight. Social Studies: 1. Research the diets of different counties around the world. Compare them and work out which would be the healthiest. Debate: 1. Write down the pros and cons of being Pro-Ana. 2. Compare fasting and just restricting. What are the pros and cons of each? 3. Write an empowering essay on why being skinny is good. Home Eco: 1. Look through your kitchen and supermarket. Write down any foods you like that contain under 100cals. 2. Write down what you used to eat, what you eat now, and what you want to aim for. Compare them. Health: 1. Research all the different vitamins your body needs, why it needs them, and what foods contain them. 2. Buy some multi-vitamin pills. 3. Write an essay on obesity, its effects, and why junk food is bad for your health. 4. Research what side effects come from having anorexia and how to avoid them. 5. Research how much rodent hair/feces, insect parts are allowed in certain foods (I will have a list for you to choose from) Literature: 1. Look at the list of books on my website that have to do with anorexia. Find some, either bought or from your local library, and read them. 2. Write an essay on your favourite. Stick Figure: By Lori Gottieb  To die for: By Carol Lee  Second star to the right: By Deborah Haukig  Eli's Wings: By Elizabeth Best  California Diaries #8, Maggie: By Ann M. Martin  Bronte's Story: By Bronte Cullis  A Journey Shared: By Jan Cullis  Wasted: By Marya Hornbacher Diary of an anorexic girl: By Morgan Menzie The Passion of Alice: By Stephani Grant Drama: 1. Create a monologue (a solo performance) that convinces you to be skinny. Perform it whenever you feel like giving up. 2. Pretend you are your ideal weight, and that you’re beautiful and confident. Now pretend you’re twice your weight, and imagine how ashamed you would be. Compare. Which would you rather? 3. research movies and documentaries about anorexia, talk about it, etc. 4. Research documentaries on food, involving the health issues, where food comes from etc. Gym: 1. Go for a 6 mile run, and time yourself. Do this often, always trying to beat your fastest time. 2. Research different exercises, devise a daily routine for yourself, and then try keep it up for at least 2 weeks.

Day 1

So today is day 1 of my new diet. I am excited, and the hunger has finally set in, it is wonderful. God I am home schooled so everything is online but I have a major Algebra test today that is at a university...I am scared and praying for a way out of it. I can't do Algebra worth a squat and do not have the desire to learn so teaching me is like talking to a wall...No idea what I am going to do because I cannot go back to school...not yet, I can't. 

I am not looking forward to eating as I cannot stand the taste of celery...like at all because I always gag when something bitter is in my mouth. Maybe this will help me to associate disgust with food? I dunno, hopefully! 
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Feeling lousy, I feel like shit. I look in the mirror for two seconds and I end up spending and hour doing my make up and hair because of how ugly I am. Only a minute and I can feel the tears coming as my eyes drop to my stomach, as my eyes drop to the bones that are only barely protruding begging me to set them free.




I really want this tattoo on my hip:

Awesome right? I will make it black and red and I want it to be like a demon fairy :) I just have to wait until I am 18! 

This is just fun to me, so here's the game:

 I take comfort in not eating but knowing that I can versus not eating because I can't. Make sense?
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In fact I figured out exactly what I want to do, I am going to fast every other day and on the days I eat (which will be the lesser amount) I will eat celery and eat that throughout the day.


Celery is a negative calorie food because you burn more calories digesting it than you gain by eating it. 



I will do this on and off all summer long baby, and my friend and I are going to be working our asses off. 


My schedule if you wish to follow for however long:


Sunday: Fast
Monday: Celery
Tuesday: Fast
Wednesday: Celery
Thursday: Fast
Friday: Celery
Saturday: Fast


Here's the Rules:

1. Also, because you will be fasting for the weekend, you are allowed to add a healthy snack to every Monday. Fresh Fruit/Veggies (1/2 a cup) or Salmon (1 serving) only.  
2. You may NOT dip the celery in anything or put anything on it, you may NOT season it with anything 0 calories or otherwise, you may not cook it in any way shape or form. 
3. Divide your current weight by 2, the number you get is how many fluid ounces of water you need to be drinking per day, you need to be drinking that amount and then some every single day no matter what. 
4. Have a set time that you cannot eat after/before. I can only eat between 5pm and 8pm so the second it hits 8pm I mark that day off on the calender. I cannot eat before 5pm so that way I can get all the water for the day in. YOU CAN DRINK AS MUCH WATER AS YOU WANT ALL NIGHT/DAY LONG.

YOU MAY ONLY DRINK WATER, NO ADDED FLAVOURING


ADDITIONAL CHALLENGE: 
You MUST fast the first day, so if you fast on an eating day you will be fasting 2 days. 




AND REMEMBER, CELERY IS TOO BITTER TO BINGE ON, IF YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY ENOUGH TO PLUG YOUR NOSE AND CHOW DOWN, THEN YOU ARE NOT HUNGRY ENOUGH TO EAT AT ALL. 

Fasting thinspo

Seriously, the best video you could watch! Amazing! I love it to death :)

FASTING TIP:

If you want to fast for a long time but tend to mess up on a certain day (day 1/2/3/4/5 etc.) then go to the kitchen, get whatever foods you are wanting (nothing from the fridge or freezer) take it to your room and put it in the closet. I realized that I binge because I want to eat something before my dad can eat it all, and I know by the time my fast is over it will be gone. This may or may not be the same case for you but just try it. 

If you want to cheat on your fast

If you are fasting, first thing is first: set yourself some boundaries (rules).

Here are a few:

• Be in pajamas and in bed (not asleep just be in bed) by X pm (make sure it is early like 7 or 8)
• Must be awake by 7 am
• Take a shower & bath (one in the morning at 7am and one at night) every day
• Wash face every other night

OK you get it, there are a few rules to follow. 

The main thing I wanted to post about is cheating on your fast. If you feel you are going to binge or just cheat then you need to eat celery. BY ITSELF. It is bitter, yes which will keep you from overeating, it will also chase those cravings away. ALSO you burn more calories digesting celery then you gain by eating it, that is why it is a negative calorie food, not because it is "90% water".

Do not dip it in anything or add anything to it, don't cook it or boil it, nothing.

TIPS FOR FASTING:

• Set a small goal every day and a high goal every other day during your fast, each small goal must be completed that day, each high goal must be finished before the fast is over. 
• Have a list of exercises pinned on your wall, pick out 5 and do them over the duration of the day. Do as many for however long you want, do not push yourself. 
• Take one or two days of each week to relax (hot oatmeal bath, nice honey facial, do your nails, dedicate an hour to shaving and moisturizing your legs; etc.)
• Stay in one area/room for the duration of your fast, only leave to go to bathroom/get water/what ever but for the most part stay in that room as if your life depended on it.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON A WATER FAST IF YOU GO TO SCHOOL/WORK, YOU NEED TO BE ON A JUICE OR RAW FRUIT/VEGGIE DIET. DON'T WATER FAST AT ALL UNLESS YOU CAN TAKE OFF.

Water Fasting: Day 2

Almost, almost talked myself into eating but mom to the rescue saved the day by saying "No just go to your room you're only going to end up binging!" I love that woman to death sometimes! She is supportive about these types of things at the perfect moments. I am in my room rightfully watching thinspo and praying I make it through the night without cracking!
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Made it through the night without waking up (only once to turn off my music and let my hair down) but other then that...

I went to bed at 2am and woke up just now at late 5 early 6 pm! Amazing my ability to sleep like that when I know there is sooooo much work I have to get done TODAY, because I did not try to finish it over the coarse of the weekend.

TIP: It is surprising how easy it is to fast if you have a little fasting warm up first!

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Oh my goodness I truly am addicted to blogging! Anyways, Almost done with day 1 1/2 (because I only counted yesterday as 1/2 a day) I still say this is day 2 though so tomorrow will be day 3 not...whatever. It is so easy! I have not drank much water which I should have..be... Blah I just don't want to leave my room it is so safe in here and I feel like if I do, even once, the spell will be broken and I will be suffering through my fast just like last time! Silly, but I am very superstitious so what are you going to do. 

Eep! Bikini shopping!

I am so, so, so excited to go bikini shopping! I am not thin enough yet, and I am not going until my fast is over (which is only more motivating because I am getting one rather I lose weight or not so I need to lose weight or it'll be a waste of money!) I am so excited! My best friend who lives in Alabama is coming down to spend yet another summer with me and we are going to get matching ones (neon pink!) and belly button rings, then after a week or so we will go to a water/theme park! Either Six Flags in Dallas or Magic Springs in Arkansas. Decisions, decisions. 

Still on day 1 of fasting, I am actually enjoying this fast and relishing in the temptations and cravings knowing food no longer has its greasy claws in my back! But that may be due to the fact that I have 50 thinspo videos in a playlist on repeat :) 

I have an old bathing suit as motivation too, I have it on a hanger, hanging where I can see it no matter what! My bathroom door is always open so I can see my body whenever I walk past, and my stand up mirror is out of the closet ready to slice and dice if I decide I am not so sure how bad I really want to be thin!

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE THINSPO(S):

So many! There are more but I don't want this post to be 10 pages long, I am such a Thinspo addict!! <3

I love you all, and good luck to those who are fasting or wanting to fast, stay strong and know that there are others going through the same thing too so don't feel too alone, darlings!

Water

To know how many fluid ounces of water you need to be drinking a day divide your weight by 2. 

For instance, if you are 140 lb (63.5 kg) you will be needing to drink 70 fluid ounces (2100 mL). 

Do NOT use your goal weight in hopes that drinking less water will get you to that weight faster, it WON'T

Here are some tips for fast weight loss:

• Drink the right amount of fluid ounces of water EVERY DAY, this will flush out toxins, lower appetite, cause you to not retain fluids anymore and you will lose weight through your pee.
• Drink water when you wake up, 30 minutes before every meal, 30 minutes after every meal, before bed. NOTE: These are not the only times to drink water, drink water through out the day not all at once, it just helps to follow this to space out most of your water intake, the rest needs to be done on your own time.
• Ice cold water burns calories but it needs to be as close to room temperature as you can get it if you are wanting to drink water to help with hunger pains. So: Refrigerate and let it sit for about 10-20 minutes before drinking if you are having hunger pains. Freeze your waters, select one (or two depending on how fast you drink) and place them in the fridge, wait until they are thawed enough to drink, this is GREAT for burning calories!

Water is not only good for weight loss, it is great for your skin, hair and nails, it is also amazing for your organs and bodily functions so your body does not have to work so hard. I advise that if water is not already your best friend or you do not already drink it religiously, then make some changes immediately.