26 May 014

Back again to fasting, but first I want to recommend this amazing app for working out:

It is called 30 Days, and what it is, is it has a bunch (well, I say a bunch I mean like 10 or 12) of workouts to choose from, and you can have as many as you want on your "home page" and these are the workouts you want to be challenged on over the next 30 days.

It is REALLY simple and easy to navigate.

Step 1: Pick a workout out (for the sake of this, let us say you picked planking), and there will be a "Starting Test" where you get into position and hold the planking pose for as long as you can (the app has a built in timer that counts up so you can press start/stop). 

Step 2: After you finish with the start test and click on the workout so you see all the days (it should look like a bunch of white boxes saying "Day 1...2...3 etc." and below what day it is, it will say a certain amount of time, this is based off of your starting test, and the time will go up every day to CHALLENGE you (yes, there are 3 settings (easy, medium and ...insane, I think?) to make this fit to your needs. 

You should get a reminder every day to do the workout, if not, it will usually give you a prompt after you complete day 1 (not to be confused with the starting test).

In case anyone was wondering (probably not but whatever) I was/am doing 4 challenges; Planking, Wall Sit, Squats and Leg Lifts

______________________________

Fasting

My Pre-Physical Preparation:

There wasn't really any preparation, physically, which I do NOT recommend, ever. If you want to water fast with as much ease and comfort as humanly possible, then you need to prepare for two weeks ahead of time; during the first week you really need to focus on fiber intake and maybe do a colon cleanse (this will help tremendously with future gas/bowel pain induced by fasting). During the second week you need to cut out all your guilty drinks, if it is not water, then it doesn't go into you; you need to transition your diet to fruits and veggies and from there to home-squeezed juices (this prepares you for the hunger that will inevitably come, as well as help your digestive system slowly transition).

My Mental/Emotional Preparation:

Well... Summer is just around the corner, so the anxiety of that always helps; I also am just sick of looking at my fat thighs and feeling them rub together! Ugh it gets on my nerves and makes me sick. I've also noticed a lot of pain/nausea anytime I eat, and I want that to stop. 

This is not a "quick and easy" fix for losing weight, I know that -- and it is most certainly not a means to get out of working out, because I actually quite like doing that, it is the only time I don't completely hate myself.

Anyone wanting to fast should realize this as they prepare: 

Fasting is NOT easy or painless, it is sometimes scary and confusing; it is an emotional roller coaster and it is not, under any circumstances, to be looked at or treated as a common diet fad. 

Your body is using this short amount of time to reverse years and years worth of damage that YOU have caused it, so do not go into this thinking "Oh hey I'm going to lose 1 pound a day and not even have to workout" because this is more than that, and it is WAY harder than working out, ESPECIALLY when coming off of it [the fast].

My Reasons:

What other can there be other than to lose weight? Yup, that is my only reason for doing this, along with wanting to cut out unhealthy cravings and work on my binging habits. 

I do plan to stretch every day while doing this, in the hopes that maybe that will ease muscle soreness brought on by fasting, as well as burn a few extra calories. :)

Stay Strong Lovelies and wish me luck?

xx

Workout Tips and..embarrassing

NOTICE: When I talk about working out or whatever in my Tips I am usually referring to running/walking on a treadmill/in a gym/outside, I don't do much else, but plenty of the tips will still apply to you if you don't do any of those. 

So first, before I post these tips  I am going to post my progress for today (as of right now it is 7:07 am); 

(also, I sleep from 11 am - 12 am so my meal times/workouts are in the am not pm)

What I ate: 

(you can skip past this if you want)

• cabbage soup - 13 calories
• Rice cake with salsa - 55 calories
• Gum - 5 calories
• 2 cookies - 107 calories
• chocolate - 60 calories
• chips - 140 calories
• Chocolate - 60 calories
• Chocolate - 60 calories
• Soup - 140 calories
• 1 cookie - 54 calories

Intake: 694 calories

Exercise: -700 calories

Net Intake: -6 calories

This is embarrassing but this is what happens if you aren't careful:

I know this is really personal and gross but no one said Anorexia was glamorous, but anyway I burned off 700 calories in a matter of an hour and a half or so (about 98 minutes), I was going 3.0 miles per hour until I reached -164, and for a cool down I decided I would slow it down to 2.0 MPH (I kept this up until I reached an even -700 calories) and when I stopped the treadmill and bent over to catch my breath...I freaking peed... thank G-d I had enough time to cross my legs and hold it in until I could run to my bathroom. Yeah...embarrassing...I don't have a problem with getting gas while on my treadmill (most people do), but I do have a problem with not feeling my bladder, apparently. So has anything like that ever happened to one of you? Maybe not peeing yourself, but anything embarrassing while working out. 

Anyway, yeah, I about passed out as well; I stared at myself in the mirror for like 5 minutes because I was confused and it felt like I was walking funny (or like the room was moving around me). It was awful, never want to do it again.

WORK OUT TIPS

(these are MY tips, do not post them anywhere without my consent)

Slow down, don't stop

Cramps & Other Pain:

• If your heart hurts, you're not getting enough oxygen; the heart is a muscle like any else, so if it is cramping you need to focus on your breathing (make sure you are breathing in as deep as you can through your nose and all the way out of your mouth).
• If your lungs hurt, do not stop! This is how you build endurance and strengthen your lungs; just like with your heart, you need to breathe in through your nose, out your mouth! If you are on a treadmill, for example, and going 3.5, then slow it down to 3.0 and hold that pace; your lungs should stop cramping if you are breathing properly. 
• If your upper spine/shoulders/neck hurt then it is not actually your spine but rather 1 of 3 things: your body is releasing stored toxins from your muscles, your body isn't used to moving these muscles or pinched nerves. Now, it is most likely going to be the second one, your body is not used to using these muscles (if you slouch a lot or just don't generally have a good posture), then of course they're going to be a bit sore during and possibly after you workout (usually this happens when walking/running). 
• If your fingers feel hot, thick, and like they have their own pulse then this is toxins/salt settling there; the quickest remedy is holding your arms up so your hands are above your head (wiggle your fingers around to get the blood flowing). To prevent this you need to cut salt out of your diet or decrease it significantly, drink lots of water an hour or two before you workout (make sure you pee it out first) and make sure you're getting enough water daily to flush out the toxins in your blood being released from organs and muscles (this increases when your workout). 

Breathing & Endurance:

• You might notice when your heart rate is up it feels like you're not getting enough oxygen, especially when you're trying to breathe in your nose; this is most likely because of the extra amount of blood being distributed through out your body, if you hold off on slowing down and continue to breathe deeply in your nose and out your mouth then your body will open up your nasal passage and you will experience the best of breathing in and out of your nose (your heart will even out its pace and you might feel swollen fingers which I'll get to in a minute).
• To build endurance you need to workout 60 minutes a day 4 to 5 times a week; if that is too long then bump it down to 30 minutes a day 5-6 times a week; and if that is too much time then bump it down to 15 minutes a day 6-7 days a week... if that is too much time from your day, then you're making excuses and don't really want to lose weight / get in shape.
• Also, you can be over weight and still be in better shape than a "skinny" person; so don't think you need to jump right into running to prove yourself; just start slow and in time you will be able to run no problem and the weight will just fall off. (If you ever watched "The Biggest Loser" there was an episode where this 230-280 pound man RAN on a treadmill for an hour, he did not jog or speed walk, he ran; that is something you work up to). 

How to Burn More Calories:

• Before every workout decide either how many calories you want to burn or how long you want to workout; this way you won't be able to talk yourself out of working before you've made any real progress. Remember to have realistic expectations of your body and its current condition, don't go to the gym expecting to burn 1000 calories if you haven't seriously worked out in a couple months. 
• Use my method of "plus 150", by doing this I decided I needed to stop trying to burn 1000 calories every time I got onto the treadmill, because it made the road ahead far too long and I'd only get discouraged and over do myself (which left me not wanting to workout for days or even weeks). What you do is on day 1 you burn 100 calories, and if you can continue, then add on 50; day 2 you burn 200 calories and if you can continue, then add on 50; you will continue this every day and you will be surprised how much easier it is to burn 400-500 calories a day. Remember, you don't have to push yourself the entire workout simply because you think that'll burn more, faster.. it won't, in fact it will probably burn you out and make you associate working out with displeasure.

Prevent Over Heating:

• Drink a bottle of water 30 minutes before you work out, and keep two bottles of water (or a big container of water) with you at all times during your workout.
• Wear light clothing (such as baggy shorts and a tank top), you don't need to buy hundreds of workout clothes so instead spend a pretty good bit of money on some workout capris/shorts and top that are a good quality material. The best are the ones that are breathable, and keep your sweat from evaporating (yes, they are more than likely going to stink a lot, but it will keep you cool).
• If you run outside then make sure you are somewhere with plenty of access to shade; if you run at the gym or on your own treadmill then have a couple of fans going and/or your door open for air flow. 
• Symptoms of heat exhaustion: dizziness, nausea, dehydration, light-headed, confusion, weakness, profusely sweating, muscle cramping, rapid heart beat (though that could be from working out).

Exhaustion/Soreness & Bulking Up

• No matter how advanced society gets with cosmetic surgery, workout techniques, or dietary fads...our bodies are still going to be animals living on instinct. Our minds are hardwired for survival, they (brains) are not stupid, even if you think they are. If you are not in immediate danger, your mind knows this and it will do everything it can to get you to slow down and conserve energy; this is why our bodies store food as fat, our brains don't realize there is no famine, no immediate danger coming at us, and so when we try to burn off all its resources it freaks out by making you feel weak, cramped, out of breath, and can even try to convince you to stop (Oh I can take a break, Oh I can just eat less, Oh I just will do it tomorrow). The best way to combat your mind is to find modern-day dangers to push yourself (what if there was a government take over and you were forced to survive in the wilderness, would you be able to? What if you were being chased by a murder, would you get away? What if...; if that does not work then get the app "Zombies, Run!", it combines your music playlist with a zombie story and there is nothing scarier then hearing zombies right behind you, despite knowing they aren't there)
• So when working out if you get to that point where you are just tired, weak, and feel like you are about to pass out... you need to stop for a moment. Take a deep breath, slow down your heart rate and then start again. You need to remember to SLOW DOWN; you do not ever stop. If your legs, lungs or heart is cramping then you are not breathing properly; don't try to breathe fast just because you feel you're about to suffocate, maintain an even pattern of deep breathing in your nose and out of your mouth. (I'll talk about this in the next section if you're interested in learning more).
• When you are sore the day after working out then you've made progress and should not workout until the soreness is completely gone! This could take one day or even a week depending on how hard you worked out (I got so sore once I almost cried every time I had to pee because it hurt to sit and stand up). Soreness is your muscles repairing themselves and getting stronger, and if you want to burn more calories and workout for longer periods of time, then you need to give your body a break; DO NOT be afraid of getting "bulky", building muscle speeds metabolism, re-wires your body so it no longer stores fat, but instead uses it for energy, and it helps you maintain your weight and keep off the weight you've lost. The only way you would get bulky is if you are eating huge amounts of protein every day and constantly pushing your body harder every time you work out (for instance if you got sore from lifting 15 lb dumbbells, you will not get more muscular unless you up it to 20 lb dumbbells the next time you workout, instead your muscles will lean out and burn the excess fat.)

Breathing & Your Nose

• I know you get sick of hearing "breathe in your nose and out your mouth", because I do too; I've heard that so many times it is almost the same is "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". Is there truth to this? Yes. While when I work out it occasionally feels like I am not getting enough air into my lungs (like I can't breath deep enough or fast enough, or like my nasal passage has closed a bit), I still manage to maintain a steady rhythmic breathing, and you know what? I never get thigh, leg or butt cramps any more and I hardly ever get lung cramps (when I do, it does not take long to get rid of them). 
• No matter how fast your heart is going, how badly you want to gulp down air by the gallon through your mouth, you must keep your breathing steady! I can't stress this enough! BREATHING properly is key to building endurance and having long, enjoyable workouts (thus burning more calories). 
• If your nose feels "thick" like there is not enough air getting through then you need to breathe slower; breathe as deep as you can in your nose and slowly out of your mouth (do not slow down your workout, I can breathe like I am meditating while going 3.5 MPH). If you don't know how to do this then pretend you are trying to slow down your heart rate, eventually your heart will actually slow down a bit (this is good), and the blood in your body will start distributing itself to where it needs to be (muscles), your nose should now feel clear and open, you should feel the air going up your nostrils and curving down towards your lungs. 
• If you smell iron/blood, and feel a pinching sensation in your nose, this is nothing to worry about; just keep breathing (try not to speed up your breathing or your nose will close up again).
• If your lungs are cramping, then you're not getting enough oxygen through your system; no muscle (including you heart) should be cramping when you are walking at 3.0-3.5 mph (I don't recommend going any speed higher than 3.5 unless it is 6.0 mph and higher; jogging is really bad for you).

Laziness/Wanting To Stop (don't over do it)

• If you cannot ever seem to get around to working out, then you need to find your motivation and just do it! If you ever eat from boredom, stress or any other emotion, then there are no excuses--you have time and the means for working out. Boredom, anger, depression are all motivation for working out.
• If you're working out and wanting to stop, then take a five minute break and come back to it; try a different exercise. If you hardly ever workout, and try to compensate by pushing yourself to your absolute limits every time you do, then you're going to burn yourself out. Exercising is nearly impossible if you are out-of-shape and trying to do what professional athletes do as a warm-up. You must start slow, no matter how frustrating it is or embarrassing; even if it makes you feel fat; just remind yourself.. if you go slow, you'll get in a longer workout and burn more calories whereas if you push yourself all at once, you'll burn only a little and not want to work out again for a really long time. 

My Motivations

• Good Music. When I workout, I find that my music is what determines how I feel throughout the entire time. If my music is slow or quiet, then I focus more on how tired, out of breath, exhausted I am; so when you workout make sure your music is loud enough that you cannot hear your own breathing (this is actually a thing, if you can hear yourself breathing, you're more than likely going to get tired quicker). You want your music to be fast and have a good beat/rhythm. Even if you are only walking slow, having a good soundtrack will motivate you to workout longer, and helps you build endurance by making you want to move faster with the music. (I usually listen to dubstep, but sometimes it is slow or I just get sick of it; songs like "Mr. Brightside by The Killers" and "Come and Get It by Selena Gomez" are great for working out. 
• Get angry or use memories/thoughts to propel you forward; anger works the best, especially if it is something that you can't usually express; think about all the times you've been embarrassed by your weight, all the times your weight has made you miss out on life, all the times you've cried over your weight and so on. I usually think about my mother joking about my weight, how angry I am when clothes don't fit or how with every step I am getting lighter. Exercise is a healthy coping mechanism, use this time to escape to your own world instead of letting it be just another dreadful thing on your to-do list. Cry, laugh, get angry, talk to yourself, yell at the world, whatever... just make working out a positive experience, one that leaves you feeling peaceful and then you'll start turning to that for comfort instead of food. 
• Most of the time when I work out and I want to quit I tell myself "just get to 200, then you can stop", but then I feel like I didn't really do anything, so I push to 300... and everyday it gets easier and easier to burn off 100, 200 and 300 calories, and every day that I continue to push myself longer (not harder) if another day that I am making count. 
• Think about how far away summer vacation is, swimsuit season; think about your birthday or new years... do you REALLY want to face another year of being disappointed in yourself because you wasted another year on being fat? Your youth is NOW, and if you wait too long, then you'll regret it forever. 

Reminders:

• "It is hard"; no one said it would be easy losing weight; if you want easy, then go ahead and eat your pizza and chocolate and forget about your goals, but do not complain about being fat or unhappy  with yourself to anyone, no one likes people who do that. 
• Loud, fast music, and a reason to fight will ensure an amazing workout for you; distract yourself when you workout not by thinking of bikinis or toned thighs (unless that works for you), but instead focus on your anger for letting yourself get to where you are (anger, when strong enough, has the same effect as adrenaline; it will numb all the sensors your brain sends out telling you that you're tired, and it actually renews your energy; by the time you finish working out you will not be angry anymore, and you'll feel a lot better). Remember: only the fittest will survive. 
• "Slow down, don't stop"; always START and END your workouts slowly; you need to give your body a chance to warm up (don't stretch before walking/running); and you want to give yourself something to look forward to with every workout. What do you think will create a longer, more successful workout: looking forward to stopping and passing out on the bed, or slowing down a bit to catch your breath? I find that I am 20 times more tired and ready to stop when I am focused on ending my workout (especially when I am minutes/seconds away from the end), but when I am focused on the small period where I get to slow down then my body is not freaking out and completely focused on passing out because it knows it will have a cool down.  You CAN have short bursts in your workout if you want, but if you want to have a long workout then you probably shouldn't. 
• "Unless you puke, faint, or die keep going" - Jillian Michaels 
• "Let everything motivate you, not set you back" if you binge, if something is too tight, if you had a bad day, if you failed your "diet" etc. then don't let that discourage you or convince you to give up on that diet or whatever; use that to motivate you to keep going when you're working out, and use that experience as a future reference for the next time you want to binge/snack/mess up. 

Good luck, darlings xxx

Current

Sunday: 200 calories

Monday: 200 calories

Tuesday: 0 calories

Wednesday: 0 calories

Thursday: 200 calories

Friday: 0 calories

Saturday: 200 calories

It is actually quite easy for me to "not eat" than it is for me to try and restrict to a certain number of calories; It is so hard to fight that insufferable urge to binge when I break a fast. It is not even that 200 calories doesn't fill me up for the day, because on any given day I can eat 1 chip and be happy with that, but when I fast and then go into a restricting day.. oh my gosh

 I already have my eating planned out and I am hoping that I can go to sleep as soon as I finish so that way I cannot eat anything afterwards, and when I wake up I will take an adderall to cut off my appetite... 

oh and a tip from personal experience: 

If you Binge a lot on Low Calorie Diets:

I know you don't want to hear this but...you need to start at a reasonable calorie intake. If you have been eating in the recommended 2000-1200 calorie range, then how do you expect your body to just magically adjust to a strict and restrictive diet? It won't, it will retaliate out of fear and make you binge. 

There are 2 scenarios:

• You eat 1200 calories every day for a week, and cut 200 calories from that number as the weeks go by, thus your stomach will start shrinking...leading to you requiring less and less food; You will work your way down to 200 calories a day and find that, that is actually the perfect amount for you and you will lose lots of weight. 

Or

•  You can get impatient, after years of binging, and eating 2000 calories you decide you want to jump right into eating 200 calories a day and it leaves you ravenous for more so you do everything you can to distract yourself, but you give in. This is too hard, you think; so you give up and go back to your old eating habits.

Which scenario do you want? Be patient, you did not put the weight on over night, and it isn't coming off that way either. Just because you fast or immediately go down to 200 calories after a 2000 calorie diet does not mean you will automatically shed the weight right off.. you will more than likely just put it back on and then some. 

Just saying <3

Hm

So I'm 24 hours into a fast I didn't even know I was doing; yesterday I had 407 calories total... uh and I took an aderrall today also and that speeds up your central nervous system so your heart rate, metabolism and so on are all sped up. I hope that means I burned off yesterday's colossal amount of calories.

I am feeling much better emotionally, now that I have my eating back under control and I feel...clean, I guess you could call it. The only downside to my being back on track is the constant cold and tiredness (graciously accompanied by insufferable insomnia). 

I just love this picture (below) her legs are so perfect

Fasting

Lots'o personal fasting posts, I know but since I am fasting you can't expect much else. Hopefully those who are not fasting won't get too annoyed.

I am genuinely feeling fine, and am a-okay in terms of physical hunger and mental cravings however I can already hear those thoughts of doubt about:

"You did not prepare for this fast, when you finish you will just fall right back into old binging habits and gain all your weight back"

"You won't be able to handle the detox"

"What if I binge during Christmas" 

and so on...

I also am getting a juicer for Christmas and water distiller so I generally feel like it may be smarter to wait until after the holidays which is why I ended the first two fasts.

Maybe it would be smart to try and go through today like normal and break the fast for dinner and see how that goes to let myself know if I will be able to handle breaking a 21-day fast...?

Honestly, I do feel fine going through with it but I am genuinely scared of binging mid-fast, returning to old habits, or breaking my fast incorrectly if I do not have the right foods at my house.

ARGH! 

What should I do? Has any of you had successful post-fast experiences? What about fasts that last 7-15 days, did you break those okay? What did you do about binging? 

Day 3

15-17 of December 

This was my first fast which I broke...horribly and ended up sitting on the toilet for about 12 minutes while my body purged everything. Yes, 12 minutes is not long at all for a days worth of food to travel through you, it hurt very bad, but at least no calories got digested.

17 of December

This was my second fast which only lasted 9 hours and I broke it with cabbage soup and potatoes.

WARNING: Do not EVER break your fast with potatoes! The mucus in your body and toxins that are released during the water fast react negatively with potatoes and by combining this there is a physical chemical reaction in which a toxic gas is released in your body that can get stuck in pockets in your organs [this is not flatulence]. 

Ah...so anyway

18-20 December

This is my third and current fast, I am on day 3 and only like 2 hours into today. I don't have much to say about these past three days except that it has been very...enlightening and hard. I have been having lots of moments of weakness and doubt but I have pushed through them and am determined to make it to 21 days... I am only slightly worried about Christmas, like what I am going to do when everyone is eating this warm food while I have to smell it with my super-enhanced senses....Ugh..

I have this weird obsession with vampires and I have found that the deeper I get into this fast mentally [like when it comes time to battle with your own mind and you really learn the difference between YOU and your brain/body] the more I feel like I am a human version and that almost makes me feel better. Yes, this is very weird but whatever works right? 

Like... I mean all your senses are enhanced, your skin clears up and smooths, your eyes brighten up and get really white, you don't need like any sleep, and you are living off nothing but water, and sunlight for energy. 

Sooo, yeah, weird.

I'm very pleased that I have gotten to day 3 again so easily and so soon, and I find that it really DOES help to journal EVERYTHING, everyday of your fast [juice or water] because when you fast again it helps to watch for different times of the day when you feel most hungry, what made you quit last time and how you can mentally overcome that this time and so on.

Also, I have found, every fasting experience seems to be different. Not just in the sense that you will be "cleaner" than the first time you fasted so detox will vary and symptoms will vary but mentally and spiritually it is different. You will notice each time you fast, with less and less time between each short fast, the more you will notice a profound mental strength you probably never knew you had in you. 

Watch lots of "water fast day...." videos on YouTube of fasting blogs and that will help get you through your fast; avoid all forms of media both online and on TV and you will be fine <3

Bleh

Well I broke my fast this morning around 7 am with cabbage soup, I had one bowl and was fine; I had absolutely no desire to binge nor did I feel any ravenous hunger pangs... Later around 9 am I began to get the overwhelming need to binge, but I didn't I had a few squares of this natural chocolate [made with like milk chocolate, tree nuts, and soy milk etc.] and then I had more cabbage soup and some homemade chicken salad.

I made myself sick :(

I planned on SLOWLY returning to a normal diet but after that and my body purging everything I had just ingested in like 30 minutes, I decided I am going to restart my fast, because food is just not worth it and I am absolutely not worried about Christmas feasts coming up. 

16 December: Day 2

Hello my lovlies and gents!

A bit of a springer, I am on day 2 of my water fast, which will be day 3 in like 3 to 4 hours, and I am just so excited because I finally have the determination and will power to get through it this time. 

I have also realized, and I will put it here in case it is something you've been wondering too, that you can only take what people say about their fasting experiences and weight loss with a grain of salt because... most won't mention the fact that they did not continue post-fast with a healthier lifestyle than their previous one pre-fast.

I really liked this video because it shows exactly what water fasting can do, and what it will not do; in the video she posts after this she states "I ended up going to taco bell and binging" and a few minutes later says that she would not recommend fasting to anyone because she gained all the initial weight back anyway. ONCE YOU LOSE FAT, IT IS GONE FOR GOOD! IT IS NOT STORED SOMEWHERE TO BE PUT BACK WHEN YOU TREAT YOURSELF. If you fast and then fall back into old habits then of course you will gain all the weight back and then some!

Please do not be scared of water fasting because of all the horror stories of "I gained it all back" or "I weigh more now than before I started" 

You all are smarter than that! 

Just do NOT pick up old habits of binging on junk food or eating sugar; yes, you can have a food-favourite like maybe a cheese hot-pocket if that is your thing, but don't do it every day or weekend. 

This is my favourite video because of the gigantic amount of weight this amazing girl has lost through a mere 21 days/3 weeks of fasting! Truly, I mean what else in the world can you do that will get you the same results? 

More unnecessary TIPS:

• Have a set goal in mind to motivate you [weight loss, health, spirituality]
• Have an accountability partner to keep you honest if you mess up or struggle
• Drink LOTS of water [distilled is the best]
• prepare yourself mentally for the future lifestyle changes

For me the hardest part is not seeing good food, like cabbage soup, being cooked and eaten without me or seeing chocolate and wanting some, but rather it is knowing that when I finish this fast I will not be able to eat the same foods [like pizza, chocolate etc.]

I mean, I can eat it on occasion but when you essentially reset your body, and get it to prime optimization where it no longer desires fatty foods or craves sugar... why would you want to put it back in? So I think that I really do struggle with that a lot and coming to terms with giving up 80% of the foods that my body loves to binge on.

• have a reward for when you finish fasting to look forward to

For most this would be clothes or a piercing or tattoo [or bikini maybe?], and I won't lie, it has always been that way for myself but now I feel that in giving up my past life I really just want boiled eggs and purple cabbage soup [yes, it is that good] for a reward. I mean, if I try to promise myself something like that then I know it will only discourage me later because it is not substantial, it will only get me through the first few days and then I start thinking, "well what if I am not skinny enough to get it?" and other things along the lines of that. 

I am not saying your reward needs to be your favourite meal [and it shouldn't if your favourite meal is something like dairy, meat or anything else that is heavy on the digestive system] but it should definitely be something that you want DURING your fast... not something that you will be able to get if you are satisfies post-fast, and for most this will end up being a certain food or drink. 

• stay warm, get lots of rest
• don't spend every waking moment desiring to eat and hating your fast

enjoy your fast, because it only lasts as long as you set it up for and that will not be forever. Any anxieties you feel will only be the body that you have created from sugar dependency and fat dependency in which is trying to get you to eat because it thinks it will starve. 

No matter how good something may look or smell, or how fast it will disappear during your fast, that food will still exist when you finish fasting. You can still cook it again or buy it again or whatever; there is no need to break a fast over something so silly as food that, just like your fast, will be over and done with before you even got to enjoy it.

let me tell you, fasting is SO worth it because it really does make you CRAVE healthy foods like tomatoes [I HATED tomatoes by themselves, and still do now that I haven't fasted in so long, but when I fast they taste soooo good!!] and you will no longer desire things like sugar, cheese, meat, or unhealthy fatty foods that I know you so desperately want to expel from your diet.

Lastly,

• Preparing is great, but not a necessity

If you have a generally unhealthy lifestyle of fried foods, then yes, you need to prepare physically pre-fast with a few days of juice fasting or something like that otherwise the detoxification stage of the water fast will be quite unpleasant. 

Now on the other hand if you live a generally okay lifestyle of low fat and sodium then you can just dive right in if you want, like me. 

I got the overwhelming notion that I needed to fast on 14th of December and at 2 am on the 15th  [it would have been midnight but I had some chicken salad with grapes] I decided that I would and, without any mental or physical preparation, have been fasting since. 

The thing that got my butt up and moving was... I wore my mother's shirt to the movies because I had nothing to wear and my sister said "well I don't think I have anything that will fit you." 

How depressing is that!! Granted, my mother's shirt was big on me and is tight on my mother, but still, who dreams of sharing clothes with their tubby mother instead of their stick thin sister?

So.. that was my motivation to start, and the videos of "before and after" for 21 days keeps me from getting discouraged and the reward of cabbage soup is what keeps me from binging or taking a small bite of anything because it reminds me this won't be forever, I will eat again and it will be my favourite food of all things so I can do this! 

and so can you. <3

[I just felt like that ending was very "flowery" and cheesy]

Water Dieting

Eugh I hate laxatives so much! They are literally my enemy unless I am super bloated! All they do is make me dehydrated and so very, very weak...tired.

I'm back on my water diet 

Figured I would call it that instead of a fast since I am not doing this for the health benefits what-so-ever. 

I do have 4 apples that I will allow myself one for dinner for the first four days, to make up for it I'll make sure to drink at least one cup of cayenne water a day as well. 

My stomach and thighs are most definitely bigger and I just ugh it is killing me and it is time to do something about it and stop moping about it. I don't need an Ana Buddy, I can motivate myself. 

My punishment

Okay so remember how I had been binging?

Well apparently that affects how laxatives work, so  I took one the other day and it barely worked so I took another that evening, felt nothing the next morning so I popped two yesterday again and 

ugghhh

You cannot just take that many when you've stopped for so long! 

I can definitely say I did not miss this part of Ana....

It is what I deserve though, eating does not come without a cost if it was not planned ahead of time..

I had to restart my fast (didn't "have" to, I screwed up) 

so I am 4 hours and like 4 minutes into my fast

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

APP:

FASTING SECRET

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So needless to say, I won't be messing up this fast again, because that only means more --

26 June

Please encourage me? 

Okay so woke up at like 6:10 am and had:

Poptart: 400

Then at 10:30 am had:

Chocolate: 420

Soup: 200

Today's Total: 1020

Started 3-day fast at 10:50 am (11:03am right now) with a laxative. Will drink some lemon green tea later. 

~*~*~

Fasting Tips

#1 Stay Distracted 

We have all heard this one, obviously, but seriously think about this: why are you fasting? To lose weight? To get rid of water weight? Get rid of cravings?

Well the best distraction is to form a habit, let's say your fasting to cut down on eating/lose weight, every time you think about food or get hungry stretch or do yoga. Every. Single. Time. This way when you aren't fasting, instead of the usual times when you get cravings / snack attacks, it will be at the back of your mind to stretch. It really does help. As you will notice you have a lot of free time when you stop eating, so you need to fill that time with something: a show, writing, stretching/working out (lightly), craft projects, studying whatever. 

#2 Stay Focused

Nothing, and I mean nothing, should be more important than your ultimate goal. Do not let yourself forget that during the trails and tribulations this journey contains. You will get a desire to indulge, you will feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable, you will get hungry... it is okay because you are human, it's your decision, however, on how you deal with these things. Rise above all the human desires to obtain inhuman perfection. Write down your goal everyday, keep a journal, have a favourite thinspo picture and look at it everyday, an article of clothing, a song, a movie, a book ANYTHING to remind you what you really want is to be thin, not a fucking slice of pizza. 

#3 Results

Don't happen in the first 3 days. They just don't so stop whining and get over it. It will take to the fourth sometimes fifth day to see any results as your body is burning through stored energy in your liver first, dropping water weight (this is why your weight will fluctuate from high to low) before moving to fat reserves. EVEN THEN once you start losing weight, it won't be so noticeable except in your stomach, it may appear a little flatter without the water weight or previous bloating from food etc. but measure/weigh yourself daily and you will see results. Please just wait until the fourth/fifth day before you start getting discouraged by changes, by then you'll be so happy you fasted that long you will want to continue on that bases alone. 

Read about other people's results:

Change doesn't happen by sitting around and waiting for it ~

If you want it, you have to DO something ~

Stay strong ♥

Goals to Work Towards, You Still have time!!!

Clothes:

>Jeans: You need to get a pair that are too tight and may even give you a muffin top when you wear them. Whenever you want to binge (or if your fasting: whenever you want to give up) look at the jeans / put them on and think about the day when you can slide them on easily and not have a muffin top/trouble buttoning/have to jump up an down to pull them all the way up.

>Dresses: They always look better on girls with smaller, toned arms, and girls who have smaller, toned legs. If it is a tight dress then you already know you need both toned arms&legs AS WELL AS a nice toned stomach and bum. 

Events:

>Summer: Swimsuit season (need I say more???), Short-short season (You do NOT want your legs rubbing together and your shorts riding up in the middle girls!).

>Pool parties: Are you not sick of feeling anxiety when you get invited to one? 

>fucking CONCERTS: crop tops, short shorts (you want to catch the band's eye, eh? If you are fit you will look good dancing, and people won't give you ugly looks :)

My Meals Today

One square of Lindts orange chocolate - 47 cal.; 5g carb.

honey crisp apple - 72 cal; 19g

Progresso Light Chicken noodle soup - 210 cal; 20g carb.

Lindor egg - 28 cal; 2g carb.

 One block of Dark Chocolate - 38 cal; 5g carb

Total today: 395 cal; 51g carb.


Okay... So I bought Ketone strips and was 100% in Ketosis on Day 2 (today) of my fast but ended up eating (everything is in order of what I ate)

It was only one shade lighter than the darkest colour...

Anyway after all that I went and peed again just a second ago and I was the lightest colour right before "negative", tomorrow I probably WILL be completely out of Ketosis


BUT FEAR NOT

For I, your lovely blogger, will continue my fast as long as I can again, each time I eat I turn it into an "eating day" and allow myself to eat (keeping in mind my calories and carbohydrates), and so each time I will get better, and fasting will become easier.


This is my lifelong diet, I have decided!

My goal is to dry fast but not completely restrict water (like a sip here, a sip there) especially once I have reached ketosis again I will definitely be drinking more water to lower the hunger (which only became intolerable AFTER I ate the apple)


Lifelong Diet I want to work towards:

Sunday: Dry Fast
Monday: Eat
Tuesday: Water Fast
Wednesday: Eat
Thursday: Dry Fast
Friday: Eat
Saturday: Water Fast

But for now I will just fast as long as possible (hopefully make it a complete 2 days or even 3 this time) and if I mess up: SO WHAT! I will just get back on the horse and keep going, because that is what you have to do.

Fasting: Day 2

So basically I dry fasted yesterday (not intentionally) as I was water fasting (intentionally) but only had like mmm 6 tablespoons of water. 

Tip: 1 day of Dry fasting = 3 days of Water fasting

I skipped all the hunger pain and cravings, of course I DID feel hungry yesterday but it was manageable.

No headaches or noticeable fatigue, no hunger, no dizziness 

Symptoms:

>Cotton mouth (fixed by brushing teeth and THEN drinking water)

>Cold hands and feet (not unbearable)

>Rotten/disturbed sleep 

NOTICE:

*It is OKAY to have "weak" moments, and during the fast your body will convince you that you are literally going to die if you do not eat: this is natural and nothing to worry about. 

*You will have disturbed sleep even though you are very, very tired, this is okay and natural. You will have very vivid, very real dreams of food, binging and seeing yourself eat; THIS IS OKAY! 

Just remember!!!

3 weeks (21 days) is only 0.06% of your life (average 90 year life), and only 5% of this year!!

22, Feb.

Ugh I hate how time is so absolute, like when you start a fast you automatically want it to be at midnight because that is the first hour of the new day, but right now my time marker for the next day is 2 AM 

Okay here:

Weight Loss Juice

cabbage

carrot

cucumber

(You need to make sure it is COMPLETELY Juiced, no pulp, no thickness)

You will replace as many meals as possible with this through out the day.

I will continue this later--watching Skins (UK)

Finally back on track! (And a shout out)

A shout out to the first guy I have ever seen comment on here! Hi there Aeron!!

(being a creepy overly-excitable blogger to my readers)



I am so heavy, though my weight stops climbing at 155 no matter the amount/content of food I eat, after that it can drop to 150 in like two days and fluctuate back up (this is during my binging rampages)

Cruel.

Anyway, I am back on track

I can fast again, and to be honest I don't remember why it was so hard in the first place


Maybe its just the shift in my eating disorder

(EDNOS is a bitch when it goes from binge eating to anorexia like that)

I don't want to do the ABC diet...

I think I will start taking my diuretic green coffee bean pills, and fast every other day again working myself up to fasting straight.

Here's a bunch of thinspo for my lovelies!

Audrey Hepburn, loves!

(Rest in Peace)

okay no look how effing cute this guy is though

Not a fan of One Direction but... Unf 

Hate her but her calves and biceps...

And there is perfection in a human body, like this is EXACTLY how I want to look. 

Binging recovering

When it comes down to it we all really are alone in this. 

I can't trust anyone anymore, my entire family is against me, trying to keep me fat and disgusting. All of them. My sister "says" she wants me to be healthy and gives me tips on how to starve yet she all but encourages my mom's habits!

My mom made pancakes which I shouldn't have eaten but I felt bad for her because she already made them and my parents get psycho about wasting shit ( ANY TIPS ABOUT THIS PROBLEM? :( )

So she was like "tell me when its good" (pouring syrup) after about 1 tbsp I said good and she was like "okay" and tilted it a lot more so that about 1/2 cup of syrup covered the fucking pancakes and handed it to me. 

I ate it and this triggered a massive ravenous binge....

SO I had a pot pie (like yesterday b/c I binged on a poboy thing and a potpie which in total equaled around 2000 something calories) which are 570 calories for HALF. But anyway...today it is rounded to 1200-1600...

Please kill me now.. 

I am going to get on my treadmill now and run/walk all night, when I get sore I will do yoga to stretch, when I am breathless I will strength train with weights and my body... when my muscles quiver I will repeat. 

I can't stand this! 

I want to be me again, i want to have one successful day, that is all it takes for me, and I know I am in the right mindset because I shoved a bottle of cayenne water down my throat along with green tea without giving up, and I already go 18-19 hours a day without eating (which is why when I do eat I am ravenous)

Has anyone else... lost ana? Could have been for a few months, few weeks or even a few years. Not by choice, not for recovery, but simply because you developed binge eating or Ana turned into EDNOS? 

Ugh... October... Since freaking OCTOBER I have been binging, eating "normally", feeling guilty but without the ability to stop it. I hate myself. Can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. 

I want her..it.. back, like seriously this is literally KILLING me! Not having any control over it, basically blacking out or going numb as I stuff my face with everything I can get my hands on everyday, only to come to my senses and try to burn it off in any way I can. But it won't matter, I can burn those calories and then some, but you know as well as I, that when you eat, you feel fatter, heavier, uglier, and no amount of calories you burn off will change that, only days of gaining your self-control will. Ugh. I want to be hungry and starve, I want the numbers to drop. I miss it so much, I can't stop it. It is like a tidal wave crashing over me. 

WAH-SAH-BEE

Wasabi is a freaking God-send!

So I had never been inside until a few days ago but there is a 100% natural and organic health food store right up the road from my house and guess what they have? Wasabi SEAWEED!!!

I plan to fast like usual and only eat Wasabi seaweed (it is like 10$ a pack) because it is so expensive my parent refuse to buy me enough for a week. Much like every new food I try and fall in love with, this is what I want and all I want and I refuse to eat anything except for this! 

My sister says eating nothing but wasabi and spicy foods, as well as drinking lots of water and cayenne/lemon water will burn a LOT of fat.<3

Thanksgiving

I had imagined a few months ago that I would be at my UGW by now, not still struggling to be in the 130s.

I am scared, my loves, that I am not worthy of Ana anymore, not worthy to say I have an eating disorder because I have failed at everything I am good at. Why is it that the 5% of Anorexia that is binging has turned into a whopping 96% for these past TWO months? 

With Thanksgiving day after tomorrow, I am terrified because of all the food, I don't want it, oh god I don't want it, so overwhelmed by how much food will be there and my entire family on my mom's side all who will be annoyingly curious as to why I don't want to eat. My mom and sister will get annoyed, possibly pull me aside and tell me to cut it out that I have been eating normal for two months why am I doing this again, why I am I ruining thanksgiving, why am I making a scene? 

Ugh I just don't want to deal with it all!! I want my hunger back, my dropping numbers, my laxatives, my confidence boost every time I got off the treadmill and saw that my stomach was toning up little by little. 

Why cant anyone be here to slap me and tell me I don't want this food, I don't need this food! Because I don't want it and I don't need it but somehow that doesn't matter it is like my mind blanks out and its all I can do to not vomit the weeks screw ups all over my bathroom. 

________________________________________

Oh my god... ew! I went and threw ALL the sweets away, even shit that hasn't been opened, I then preceded to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes and burned 202 calories, I will finish the other 1800 in a minute. I just wanted to APOLOGIZE for my behaviour these past few months but I have finally gotten a hold of myself, I got the slap I needed and will be strong for everyone for here on out.