26 May 014

Back again to fasting, but first I want to recommend this amazing app for working out:

It is called 30 Days, and what it is, is it has a bunch (well, I say a bunch I mean like 10 or 12) of workouts to choose from, and you can have as many as you want on your "home page" and these are the workouts you want to be challenged on over the next 30 days.

It is REALLY simple and easy to navigate.

Step 1: Pick a workout out (for the sake of this, let us say you picked planking), and there will be a "Starting Test" where you get into position and hold the planking pose for as long as you can (the app has a built in timer that counts up so you can press start/stop). 

Step 2: After you finish with the start test and click on the workout so you see all the days (it should look like a bunch of white boxes saying "Day 1...2...3 etc." and below what day it is, it will say a certain amount of time, this is based off of your starting test, and the time will go up every day to CHALLENGE you (yes, there are 3 settings (easy, medium and ...insane, I think?) to make this fit to your needs. 

You should get a reminder every day to do the workout, if not, it will usually give you a prompt after you complete day 1 (not to be confused with the starting test).

In case anyone was wondering (probably not but whatever) I was/am doing 4 challenges; Planking, Wall Sit, Squats and Leg Lifts

______________________________

Fasting

My Pre-Physical Preparation:

There wasn't really any preparation, physically, which I do NOT recommend, ever. If you want to water fast with as much ease and comfort as humanly possible, then you need to prepare for two weeks ahead of time; during the first week you really need to focus on fiber intake and maybe do a colon cleanse (this will help tremendously with future gas/bowel pain induced by fasting). During the second week you need to cut out all your guilty drinks, if it is not water, then it doesn't go into you; you need to transition your diet to fruits and veggies and from there to home-squeezed juices (this prepares you for the hunger that will inevitably come, as well as help your digestive system slowly transition).

My Mental/Emotional Preparation:

Well... Summer is just around the corner, so the anxiety of that always helps; I also am just sick of looking at my fat thighs and feeling them rub together! Ugh it gets on my nerves and makes me sick. I've also noticed a lot of pain/nausea anytime I eat, and I want that to stop. 

This is not a "quick and easy" fix for losing weight, I know that -- and it is most certainly not a means to get out of working out, because I actually quite like doing that, it is the only time I don't completely hate myself.

Anyone wanting to fast should realize this as they prepare: 

Fasting is NOT easy or painless, it is sometimes scary and confusing; it is an emotional roller coaster and it is not, under any circumstances, to be looked at or treated as a common diet fad. 

Your body is using this short amount of time to reverse years and years worth of damage that YOU have caused it, so do not go into this thinking "Oh hey I'm going to lose 1 pound a day and not even have to workout" because this is more than that, and it is WAY harder than working out, ESPECIALLY when coming off of it [the fast].

My Reasons:

What other can there be other than to lose weight? Yup, that is my only reason for doing this, along with wanting to cut out unhealthy cravings and work on my binging habits. 

I do plan to stretch every day while doing this, in the hopes that maybe that will ease muscle soreness brought on by fasting, as well as burn a few extra calories. :)

Stay Strong Lovelies and wish me luck?

xx

Pick up your feet and move!

NOTICE: While some of the videos are for beginners, none of them are easy and take lots of work and discipline! Push through the pain, when your sore in one spot, target a different one. You need to be changing your routine weekly, and working out 5 days a week. 

CASSEY HO'S PILATES FOR BEGINNERS: 

Fabulous Flat Abs

Total Body Toning

Kill that Muffin Top

Butt Life Pilates Workout

Jillian Michaels Workouts:

30-day Shred Level 1

Yoga Meltdown Level 1

Keep your workouts challenging and fun. You want to have a harmonious balance of strength for toning and cardio for fat burning. If you are painfully sore, then you need a day to rest, if you are just achy sore then you should workout and target different muscles. 

There are no excuses.

You don't need weights or machines, if all you can do is jumping jacks and squats, then fine--do those until you're blue in the face, but do not sit around and let yourself be unhappy this summer. 

Workout Tips and..embarrassing

NOTICE: When I talk about working out or whatever in my Tips I am usually referring to running/walking on a treadmill/in a gym/outside, I don't do much else, but plenty of the tips will still apply to you if you don't do any of those. 

So first, before I post these tips  I am going to post my progress for today (as of right now it is 7:07 am); 

(also, I sleep from 11 am - 12 am so my meal times/workouts are in the am not pm)

What I ate: 

(you can skip past this if you want)

• cabbage soup - 13 calories
• Rice cake with salsa - 55 calories
• Gum - 5 calories
• 2 cookies - 107 calories
• chocolate - 60 calories
• chips - 140 calories
• Chocolate - 60 calories
• Chocolate - 60 calories
• Soup - 140 calories
• 1 cookie - 54 calories

Intake: 694 calories

Exercise: -700 calories

Net Intake: -6 calories

This is embarrassing but this is what happens if you aren't careful:

I know this is really personal and gross but no one said Anorexia was glamorous, but anyway I burned off 700 calories in a matter of an hour and a half or so (about 98 minutes), I was going 3.0 miles per hour until I reached -164, and for a cool down I decided I would slow it down to 2.0 MPH (I kept this up until I reached an even -700 calories) and when I stopped the treadmill and bent over to catch my breath...I freaking peed... thank G-d I had enough time to cross my legs and hold it in until I could run to my bathroom. Yeah...embarrassing...I don't have a problem with getting gas while on my treadmill (most people do), but I do have a problem with not feeling my bladder, apparently. So has anything like that ever happened to one of you? Maybe not peeing yourself, but anything embarrassing while working out. 

Anyway, yeah, I about passed out as well; I stared at myself in the mirror for like 5 minutes because I was confused and it felt like I was walking funny (or like the room was moving around me). It was awful, never want to do it again.

WORK OUT TIPS

(these are MY tips, do not post them anywhere without my consent)

Slow down, don't stop

Cramps & Other Pain:

• If your heart hurts, you're not getting enough oxygen; the heart is a muscle like any else, so if it is cramping you need to focus on your breathing (make sure you are breathing in as deep as you can through your nose and all the way out of your mouth).
• If your lungs hurt, do not stop! This is how you build endurance and strengthen your lungs; just like with your heart, you need to breathe in through your nose, out your mouth! If you are on a treadmill, for example, and going 3.5, then slow it down to 3.0 and hold that pace; your lungs should stop cramping if you are breathing properly. 
• If your upper spine/shoulders/neck hurt then it is not actually your spine but rather 1 of 3 things: your body is releasing stored toxins from your muscles, your body isn't used to moving these muscles or pinched nerves. Now, it is most likely going to be the second one, your body is not used to using these muscles (if you slouch a lot or just don't generally have a good posture), then of course they're going to be a bit sore during and possibly after you workout (usually this happens when walking/running). 
• If your fingers feel hot, thick, and like they have their own pulse then this is toxins/salt settling there; the quickest remedy is holding your arms up so your hands are above your head (wiggle your fingers around to get the blood flowing). To prevent this you need to cut salt out of your diet or decrease it significantly, drink lots of water an hour or two before you workout (make sure you pee it out first) and make sure you're getting enough water daily to flush out the toxins in your blood being released from organs and muscles (this increases when your workout). 

Breathing & Endurance:

• You might notice when your heart rate is up it feels like you're not getting enough oxygen, especially when you're trying to breathe in your nose; this is most likely because of the extra amount of blood being distributed through out your body, if you hold off on slowing down and continue to breathe deeply in your nose and out your mouth then your body will open up your nasal passage and you will experience the best of breathing in and out of your nose (your heart will even out its pace and you might feel swollen fingers which I'll get to in a minute).
• To build endurance you need to workout 60 minutes a day 4 to 5 times a week; if that is too long then bump it down to 30 minutes a day 5-6 times a week; and if that is too much time then bump it down to 15 minutes a day 6-7 days a week... if that is too much time from your day, then you're making excuses and don't really want to lose weight / get in shape.
• Also, you can be over weight and still be in better shape than a "skinny" person; so don't think you need to jump right into running to prove yourself; just start slow and in time you will be able to run no problem and the weight will just fall off. (If you ever watched "The Biggest Loser" there was an episode where this 230-280 pound man RAN on a treadmill for an hour, he did not jog or speed walk, he ran; that is something you work up to). 

How to Burn More Calories:

• Before every workout decide either how many calories you want to burn or how long you want to workout; this way you won't be able to talk yourself out of working before you've made any real progress. Remember to have realistic expectations of your body and its current condition, don't go to the gym expecting to burn 1000 calories if you haven't seriously worked out in a couple months. 
• Use my method of "plus 150", by doing this I decided I needed to stop trying to burn 1000 calories every time I got onto the treadmill, because it made the road ahead far too long and I'd only get discouraged and over do myself (which left me not wanting to workout for days or even weeks). What you do is on day 1 you burn 100 calories, and if you can continue, then add on 50; day 2 you burn 200 calories and if you can continue, then add on 50; you will continue this every day and you will be surprised how much easier it is to burn 400-500 calories a day. Remember, you don't have to push yourself the entire workout simply because you think that'll burn more, faster.. it won't, in fact it will probably burn you out and make you associate working out with displeasure.

Prevent Over Heating:

• Drink a bottle of water 30 minutes before you work out, and keep two bottles of water (or a big container of water) with you at all times during your workout.
• Wear light clothing (such as baggy shorts and a tank top), you don't need to buy hundreds of workout clothes so instead spend a pretty good bit of money on some workout capris/shorts and top that are a good quality material. The best are the ones that are breathable, and keep your sweat from evaporating (yes, they are more than likely going to stink a lot, but it will keep you cool).
• If you run outside then make sure you are somewhere with plenty of access to shade; if you run at the gym or on your own treadmill then have a couple of fans going and/or your door open for air flow. 
• Symptoms of heat exhaustion: dizziness, nausea, dehydration, light-headed, confusion, weakness, profusely sweating, muscle cramping, rapid heart beat (though that could be from working out).

Exhaustion/Soreness & Bulking Up

• No matter how advanced society gets with cosmetic surgery, workout techniques, or dietary fads...our bodies are still going to be animals living on instinct. Our minds are hardwired for survival, they (brains) are not stupid, even if you think they are. If you are not in immediate danger, your mind knows this and it will do everything it can to get you to slow down and conserve energy; this is why our bodies store food as fat, our brains don't realize there is no famine, no immediate danger coming at us, and so when we try to burn off all its resources it freaks out by making you feel weak, cramped, out of breath, and can even try to convince you to stop (Oh I can take a break, Oh I can just eat less, Oh I just will do it tomorrow). The best way to combat your mind is to find modern-day dangers to push yourself (what if there was a government take over and you were forced to survive in the wilderness, would you be able to? What if you were being chased by a murder, would you get away? What if...; if that does not work then get the app "Zombies, Run!", it combines your music playlist with a zombie story and there is nothing scarier then hearing zombies right behind you, despite knowing they aren't there)
• So when working out if you get to that point where you are just tired, weak, and feel like you are about to pass out... you need to stop for a moment. Take a deep breath, slow down your heart rate and then start again. You need to remember to SLOW DOWN; you do not ever stop. If your legs, lungs or heart is cramping then you are not breathing properly; don't try to breathe fast just because you feel you're about to suffocate, maintain an even pattern of deep breathing in your nose and out of your mouth. (I'll talk about this in the next section if you're interested in learning more).
• When you are sore the day after working out then you've made progress and should not workout until the soreness is completely gone! This could take one day or even a week depending on how hard you worked out (I got so sore once I almost cried every time I had to pee because it hurt to sit and stand up). Soreness is your muscles repairing themselves and getting stronger, and if you want to burn more calories and workout for longer periods of time, then you need to give your body a break; DO NOT be afraid of getting "bulky", building muscle speeds metabolism, re-wires your body so it no longer stores fat, but instead uses it for energy, and it helps you maintain your weight and keep off the weight you've lost. The only way you would get bulky is if you are eating huge amounts of protein every day and constantly pushing your body harder every time you work out (for instance if you got sore from lifting 15 lb dumbbells, you will not get more muscular unless you up it to 20 lb dumbbells the next time you workout, instead your muscles will lean out and burn the excess fat.)

Breathing & Your Nose

• I know you get sick of hearing "breathe in your nose and out your mouth", because I do too; I've heard that so many times it is almost the same is "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". Is there truth to this? Yes. While when I work out it occasionally feels like I am not getting enough air into my lungs (like I can't breath deep enough or fast enough, or like my nasal passage has closed a bit), I still manage to maintain a steady rhythmic breathing, and you know what? I never get thigh, leg or butt cramps any more and I hardly ever get lung cramps (when I do, it does not take long to get rid of them). 
• No matter how fast your heart is going, how badly you want to gulp down air by the gallon through your mouth, you must keep your breathing steady! I can't stress this enough! BREATHING properly is key to building endurance and having long, enjoyable workouts (thus burning more calories). 
• If your nose feels "thick" like there is not enough air getting through then you need to breathe slower; breathe as deep as you can in your nose and slowly out of your mouth (do not slow down your workout, I can breathe like I am meditating while going 3.5 MPH). If you don't know how to do this then pretend you are trying to slow down your heart rate, eventually your heart will actually slow down a bit (this is good), and the blood in your body will start distributing itself to where it needs to be (muscles), your nose should now feel clear and open, you should feel the air going up your nostrils and curving down towards your lungs. 
• If you smell iron/blood, and feel a pinching sensation in your nose, this is nothing to worry about; just keep breathing (try not to speed up your breathing or your nose will close up again).
• If your lungs are cramping, then you're not getting enough oxygen through your system; no muscle (including you heart) should be cramping when you are walking at 3.0-3.5 mph (I don't recommend going any speed higher than 3.5 unless it is 6.0 mph and higher; jogging is really bad for you).

Laziness/Wanting To Stop (don't over do it)

• If you cannot ever seem to get around to working out, then you need to find your motivation and just do it! If you ever eat from boredom, stress or any other emotion, then there are no excuses--you have time and the means for working out. Boredom, anger, depression are all motivation for working out.
• If you're working out and wanting to stop, then take a five minute break and come back to it; try a different exercise. If you hardly ever workout, and try to compensate by pushing yourself to your absolute limits every time you do, then you're going to burn yourself out. Exercising is nearly impossible if you are out-of-shape and trying to do what professional athletes do as a warm-up. You must start slow, no matter how frustrating it is or embarrassing; even if it makes you feel fat; just remind yourself.. if you go slow, you'll get in a longer workout and burn more calories whereas if you push yourself all at once, you'll burn only a little and not want to work out again for a really long time. 

My Motivations

• Good Music. When I workout, I find that my music is what determines how I feel throughout the entire time. If my music is slow or quiet, then I focus more on how tired, out of breath, exhausted I am; so when you workout make sure your music is loud enough that you cannot hear your own breathing (this is actually a thing, if you can hear yourself breathing, you're more than likely going to get tired quicker). You want your music to be fast and have a good beat/rhythm. Even if you are only walking slow, having a good soundtrack will motivate you to workout longer, and helps you build endurance by making you want to move faster with the music. (I usually listen to dubstep, but sometimes it is slow or I just get sick of it; songs like "Mr. Brightside by The Killers" and "Come and Get It by Selena Gomez" are great for working out. 
• Get angry or use memories/thoughts to propel you forward; anger works the best, especially if it is something that you can't usually express; think about all the times you've been embarrassed by your weight, all the times your weight has made you miss out on life, all the times you've cried over your weight and so on. I usually think about my mother joking about my weight, how angry I am when clothes don't fit or how with every step I am getting lighter. Exercise is a healthy coping mechanism, use this time to escape to your own world instead of letting it be just another dreadful thing on your to-do list. Cry, laugh, get angry, talk to yourself, yell at the world, whatever... just make working out a positive experience, one that leaves you feeling peaceful and then you'll start turning to that for comfort instead of food. 
• Most of the time when I work out and I want to quit I tell myself "just get to 200, then you can stop", but then I feel like I didn't really do anything, so I push to 300... and everyday it gets easier and easier to burn off 100, 200 and 300 calories, and every day that I continue to push myself longer (not harder) if another day that I am making count. 
• Think about how far away summer vacation is, swimsuit season; think about your birthday or new years... do you REALLY want to face another year of being disappointed in yourself because you wasted another year on being fat? Your youth is NOW, and if you wait too long, then you'll regret it forever. 

Reminders:

• "It is hard"; no one said it would be easy losing weight; if you want easy, then go ahead and eat your pizza and chocolate and forget about your goals, but do not complain about being fat or unhappy  with yourself to anyone, no one likes people who do that. 
• Loud, fast music, and a reason to fight will ensure an amazing workout for you; distract yourself when you workout not by thinking of bikinis or toned thighs (unless that works for you), but instead focus on your anger for letting yourself get to where you are (anger, when strong enough, has the same effect as adrenaline; it will numb all the sensors your brain sends out telling you that you're tired, and it actually renews your energy; by the time you finish working out you will not be angry anymore, and you'll feel a lot better). Remember: only the fittest will survive. 
• "Slow down, don't stop"; always START and END your workouts slowly; you need to give your body a chance to warm up (don't stretch before walking/running); and you want to give yourself something to look forward to with every workout. What do you think will create a longer, more successful workout: looking forward to stopping and passing out on the bed, or slowing down a bit to catch your breath? I find that I am 20 times more tired and ready to stop when I am focused on ending my workout (especially when I am minutes/seconds away from the end), but when I am focused on the small period where I get to slow down then my body is not freaking out and completely focused on passing out because it knows it will have a cool down.  You CAN have short bursts in your workout if you want, but if you want to have a long workout then you probably shouldn't. 
• "Unless you puke, faint, or die keep going" - Jillian Michaels 
• "Let everything motivate you, not set you back" if you binge, if something is too tight, if you had a bad day, if you failed your "diet" etc. then don't let that discourage you or convince you to give up on that diet or whatever; use that to motivate you to keep going when you're working out, and use that experience as a future reference for the next time you want to binge/snack/mess up. 

Good luck, darlings xxx

31, August, 2012

I am beginning to wonder if I should just make a separate page on this blog for Pro-Ana/Mia buddies? Like, you can leave your e-mail in the comments (as some of you have done) on that pro-ana/mia buddy page so I can just add it to the body? 

Ah just an idea, anyway just woke up about to dive into my piled up school work again, I am 12 hours into day 1 of my fast, I really think today is the day, no screw ups. My mom got be like a billion packs of EXTRA Polar Ice gum, it is amazing (5 calories a stick--blegh) but it suppresses my appetite enough that I don't think about, scratch that, I don't even think about food nor do I want it. 

I will be sure to post again later, nothing interesting just babbling away to keep my mind occupied (and to take a break from school!)

29, August, 2012

A fair warning tomorrows post will be long, rambly, and utterly pointless, so please ignore it if you want. I am only posting tomorrow to help get through my fasting day 1 :) 

It will be so much easier to fast if I actually would talk to my Ana buddies and blog when I was in trouble but I don't so I screw up but no more, I have an alarm set for different times of the day to remind me I need to text someone or watch thinspo... Blah 

27, August, 2012

My appetite has completely vanished which is an answered prayer! I am so happy that I can finally fast with ease now. My motivation: I got asked to homecoming and the dress I want is form fitting so I need to be skinny to fit into it. :

with these gloves :

sexy right? I know! I am so excited, I will be the skinniest bitch they've ever seen!! It is September 28 or 29th and I need to be like 120-125 by then! :D Agh wish me luck!! 

14, August, 2012

Someone, please, be mean, be nasty, tell me I am fat, disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human being, a waste of space who deserves to die and should just go kill herself. I need to be humiliated and set back on track, I cannot stand myself to look in that oblong stand-up mirror that is propped against my closet door, forcing me to watch myself as I undress and struggle to button the pants i idolize with ever fragment of my very being, the pants I want so badly to wear, that I would starve myself within an inch of my very life just so I could button them and look sexy while doing it. 

I am so tired of people saying "you are doing great, I can tell you have lost weight" or "there is always tomorrow" I am so depressed and just want to sleep, sleep for a solid week so that I can starve without temptation and the endless questions of "have you eaten today?" "do you want dinner" "you look sick, do you want me to make you something?"

I hate food.. I truly do, I hate the tastes, the way it feels when it runs over my tongue and rolls down my throat like a slug, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate that it makes me fat, I hate that it travels through you like slime in a sewer pipe. I hate how it smells, that disgusting aroma that makes my stomach burn with anticipation, forcing me to eat just a little bit until it turns into a "what the fuck have I done" moment. 

My thighs have long sideways pink scars now, freshly healed from the last time I cut a few days ago, my trusty razor looks so deliciously pleasant now 

I don't want to "fix" this, I am sick of having to "fix" stuff I want to just be perfect, I want to just starve, I hate myself so much I am so weak and I will never be happy 

Please, if you want to binge or cheat... don't.. it is the most depressing thing ever and every time you do it it kills you a little inside :(

My seven day fast starts today, because I had eaten yesterday (a few hours ago) see that is my problem I starve myself all day and then binge from 9pm-11pm because my hunger flares up dominating me becoming evermore threatening like inextinguishable flames with only one weakness: food. 

If you have actually read to this point, thank you, please please if you have fasted for a week or longer on nothing but water give me some tips, I may have thousands of tips for fasting, but I tend to not listen to them unless they come from someone else.

Let me be honest...

Okay so I figure if I completely humiliate myself by being honest here, then I will be able to stop my disgusting habits!

Last night (only a few hours ago, since it is midnight now) my dad cooked gumbo which he does not do often so my mom made me eat some (with a side of rice, BLEGH!) Anyway, so about 30 minutes after eating that I had a scoop of vanilla and chocolate ice-cream with some caramel... voluntarily.... about an hour an a half later I had MORE!! Then at like 11:12-11:40 something I was snacking on Sweet and Salty mix snacks (I took the raisins out though)... so disgusted by myself! Probably totaled up to around 1000 something calories... fucking kill me... I prayed to God (Christian) asking exactly this:

"Lord, let me lose this weight and keep it off, let me reach my ultimate goal weight and lead a healthier lifestyle so that I may have a greater influence over my mother and sister-friend in order to change their lifestyles as well.. let my metabolism speed up so that I may reach my ultimate goal weight by Thanksgiving." 

Such a selfish and pointless prayer I know, but immediately after I went and weighed myself 150.8, I drank a bottle and a half of water went to the bathroom twice (have not gone in a few days) and weighed myself, 149.6 

I honestly believe he is taking mercy on me and helping me lose my weight quickly enough so that I can get back to where I was and continue... 

Maybe I am just completely insane to some of you but I don't care xD 

Anyway I will start and finish this fasting diet if it is the last thing I ever do! gum gum gum gum gum gum :) 

8, August, 2012

Now is as good of a time as any to make a small post on recent events.

So I tried the ABC diet and failed miserably because when I have to consume a high amount of calories as soon as I reach that amount I want more simply because I can't have more...

So I am back on the diet I invented (Skinny Bitch), it works for me, and I am going to stick to it, done listening to people who keep saying I should fast or this diet works better/faster. Screw it!

I plan on running 30 minutes to an hour a day: 5% incline at an interval of 3 and 4 MPH because I cannot push myself on this low energy diet. 

My greatest motivation? My ex- "best" friend has lost a lot of weight and is always trying to get between my lover and I (as he chose me over her) Woo lets fucking do this!! :D


Also today was an eating day... had:

boiled egg whites: 17 calories

Sandwich--
Bread: 140 calories
Tomato: 10 calories
Mustard: 0 calories
Cheese: 35 calories

Chocolate Non-Fat, No Sugar Yogurt W/ pecans:
Yogurt: 64 calories (2 oz.)
Pecans (1.5 tbsp.): 105 calories


Today's Total: 371 calories (which I will hopefully burn double that (or close to it) by tonight)

Ta-ta for now, need a nap.

1, August, 2012

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! 146.8 pounds?!?! :D I just need to lose 1.8 lbs and I will reach my next mile stone of 145!!! Agh I am not eating dinner tonight as I had planned, I am too fucking happy!!!!

This actually means I am 4 days ahead of schedule on my diet plan (I wasn't supposed to reach 146.4 until this Sunday) but then again... I have not been eating 654 calories everyday but instead 100-300 :)

3 months - 29 lbs Lets do this!

OK, so here it is you follow this plan set up based on your height, weight, and activity level, right? So mine I want to lose 13.1 KG  (29 lbs) in 3 months (yes such a small amount for 3 months) but If I lose 13.1 KG then I will at least be skinny enough to be happy to show myself to my family. I would still have 6 weeks and 3 days until Thanksgiving (when I go see my family) to lose more weight. If I lose 13.1 KG I will be 54.5 KG!! 

  Week  Calories    

1      654           

2      642

3      631

4      619

5      608

6      596

7      585

8      574

9      562

10    551

11   539

12   528

Bear in mind that this diet was set up on the idea that I would be getting no exercise at all except for the occasional walking around, standing etc. (I did this in case I miss a few days of working out, get lazy or whatever) I will hopefully be getting my elliptical or treadmill tomorrow and this will help a lot with my diet plan and hopefully it will help my lose the weight quicker. 

Make your own plan by clicking the link below!!!

Create My Plan

Make your own plan by clicking the link above!!!

Attention Everyone!!:

If you have any snack/meal ideas I would appreciate it! I am not used to planning out a xxx amount calorie day, but rather just eating small amounts as I go. 

ALSO!! What is better? Elliptical or Treadmill? 

25, July, 2012 (A less pathetic version)

Fucking YES!!!! And I am BACK BABY!!! 

Total calorie intake: 455

Total exercise time: 1:23:00

Total calories burned: 636/560 (I was only supposed to burn 560 but I burned 76 cal. more)

Water intake: 64 ounces (8 cups)

Total intake after working out: 181 calories

Why am I so happy you ask? Because I made it through 20 minutes of Jillian Michaels, and still had enough energy to do a random 3 minute jumping jack & Run-in-place (RIP) workout, 37 minutes of speed walking when it is 92 degrees (F) outside, run 13 minutes straight, and do 10 minutes of high-impact dancing on Zumba!

Why is this so amazing? Because I literally just jumped into all this, so much pain and soreness but I stuck it out. I am proud of myself (even though this does not even come CLOSE to comparing to most everyone else, I think it is a very good "Day 1" workout! :)

23, July, 2012

And so, I am back on the laxative bandwagon in which this series of insufferable binges has forced me to do. I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate the mirror. I fucking hate my life.

HOW could I let myself, of all things, binge?!? MOTHER OF FREAKING CHRIST! 

Argh!! So my laxatives have finally kicked in, I just wen to the bathroom now it is time for more, more, more!!! I want the whole damn bottle to be honest, I want the cramps to make me miserable I deserve to be writhing around in pain for what I have done. 

21, July, 2012

8 days left in the competition

I am on Day....5? Yes that seems about right. 

Woo! And guess what? Reached 148.4! And I even binged last night (which I am not proud of it had me in tears scared to get on the scale). 

The binge consisted of:

Spinach Souffle - 70 calories

Cooke - 80 calories

Tuna - 50 calories

Cookie - 80 calories

Cookie - 80 calories

Tuna - 50 calories

3 small bites of Chocolate Pecan Pie - 26 calories

a small handful of pecans - 36 calories 

(Not all at once, this binge was spread out through the day!)

So all in all yesterday I had a total of:

472

I thought the number would be bigger? Guess not. Still stayed within my 500 calorie limit so I am happy about that and apparently I did not exceed the carb limit and am still in Ketosis!  

20, July, 2012

Fucking YES!!! I have finally over come my plateau! I have finally, finally, finally dropped below the 150s! I am 149.6 as of right now (12:52am)  :)

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149.0 this morning. Do any of you sort of... get so high from losing weight you look over the things that it is doing to you? Like the "symptoms" of anorexia sort of? I do not know if it is just me or not but when I start losing weight the pain, the nausea, the coldness, the soreness, the cotton mouth--none of it matters and even death seems way less dramatic as what better way to die than to die because you were: trying to become skinny/were "too" skinny?

Today is an eating day but I really really do not particularly want to go back to eating, but I know I will because the pills I got are to big to take unless I cut them in half and then they kind of dust off before you can swallow and you feel them going down your throat so between the taste and feeling it slide down you will probably gag. 

So I finished off the spinach souffle and what was left after I took my pills I gave to my dogs. I am so hoping to be 147 by the end of the day! I am planning on drinking 4-6 bottles of water as with these pills you lose weight through your pee! At least that is a theory my weight loss buddy and I are trying to prove :)

19, July, 2012

Woo! Weighed in at 150.8!! That is a total loss of 2.8 lbs in 2 days with little to no exercise except fast-pace walking!!

I can't wait to do a before and after shot and show you all!!
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Completely unrelated, I am in the process of getting my parents to buy me two female rats for my birthday! I usually only get money on my birthday and a lot of it since my family feels bad fro never getting to see me and making no effort to talk to me so yeah, I have decided I will put forth everything to help pay for the rats and if I get 100$+ then I will just pay for everything. On top of that I have been making my parents feel guilty by cleaning and giving them the angry/depressed silent treatment (I am such a brat sometimes lol) hopefully one of them will break and allow me to get my babies!

I am going to name the two females Trista (Meaning 'Sorrow') and Turaya (Meaning 'Star'). The names are a bit unusual but I really like them, they suit my Gothique lifestyle really well! :)

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** Attention**

Please visit my weight loss buddy's blog!!

http://hunger-is-a-virtue.blogspot.com/

I would really appreciate it :) Thank you to those that do! ^_^

18, July, 2012

11 days left 

I am at 151, it is so exciting! Today is an "eating day" (I fast every other day) and I have only had about 36-67 calories because I took a few bites of a Clif Bar Chocolate Chip and threw the rest away.
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I got a spinach soufflé and ate either 1/2 or a little over 1/2 of it and that was probably about 375 calories. So today's total calorie count summed up would be: 442. Yes, I am ashamed but I figure (now at least) that the pills will help me burn those calories in no time as they are metabolism enhancers, and lastly, since I will be fasting tomorrow again I will lose around 2+ lbs instead of 1+lbs because I jump started my metabolism again.


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PILLS:

The pills I got are AMAZING and it should be illegal for everyone not to have a life supply. I love love love them!! The only side effect I have noticed while taking them on an empty stomach (this is Day 2 taking them) is a slight headache on the first day, and then your appetite rages--which so far both days I have taken them (one on empty stomach and one with a few bites of a bar) my hunger has been amazing!--the hunger pains may be tough to deal with for some, so just a fair warning! 

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Weird weight loss

Ah it is weird! At 10pm exactly I was 152.6 I had dropped a full pound, but now I am 151.8 I dropped .8 of a pound in exactly an hour! Mmgh I am going to have to update my blog a LOT or just write it all down so I can make a long post later... I am so freaking HAPPY!!!

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Already at 151.4 :) I am so... there are no words! It is such a rush to be dropping to quickly and I am starting to feel smaller (not significantly by my stomach is flatter because it has had a chance to "debloat")


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Yay!!! 151 exactly! I am so close to breaking the "150+" barrier and being in the 140s it is not even funny! :)

17, July, 2012

So the pills I got: 

"THIN TAB GREEN COFFEE EXTRACT with green tea" 

(only 10$ including the tax)

Needless to say it has only been a day and I can tell they are working! (Keep in mind that they only boost your metabolism and support weight loss, they do not burn fat!) The recommended dose is 2, twice a day, I only took 2 once today as I only got one bottle and 30 are in one bottle and that will only last 15 days! (But they are cheap so it is OK)

Anyway, they definitely made me super hungry (today was a fasting day so I could not eat). 

TIP: YOU CAN TAKE THESE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH THE WORST THAT HAPPENED WAS A MINOR HEADACHE AND SOME HUNGER PAIN!  

But basically I feel great, I have tons of energy even though I only got two hours of sleep! (I took the pills after sleeping).

I really do not care to eat, I am so ready to lose weight!! 

Yes this is a *very* long post!

GOALS

Me and my weight loss buddy are competing for the next 12 days to see who can lose the most weight!

My starting weight was 153.6 as of now (10:00pm) it is 152.6

• Get down to 140 (a total loss of 13.2 lbs)
• Get down to 130-125 by my birthday (A total loss of 23.2/28.2 lbs in a matter of 19 days)

That second one seems unreasonable and unreachable I know, but if I am aiming to lose that much then I will lose a lot as opposed to only trying to lose 10-15lb (it works the same way with dieting if I tell myself I am fasting I eat way less like 50 calories or less a day, as opposed to trying to eat 100-200 calories a day)

Wish me luck!! 

I'm Baaack

My friend left yesterday having been here 3 weeks... I was crying all night and even slept in the living room because sleeping in my room would only remind me that she is gone and it will be a whole year before I see her again. 

Did I lose weight? Hell no. I got Zumba 2 it is amazing you burn like 30 calories in 7 minutes! I plan to make that my main workout as it does not require strength only stamina. 

So depressed that my friend is gone... On the bright side I can finally come back to the world I love with all of my heart. I have not been able to starve myself or workout as my friend always had a headache, was too tired, or wanted to eat in which she always dragged me into. 

So anyways back into my old routine I go and that makes me so happy I was feeling very disgusting and like a needed a long long shower after so many binges... I mean I ate a fucking smart one meal that is 300 calories for ONE meal! God I am such a cow I can barely squeeze into my skinny jeans.

Over the course of the three weeks I have gained about 2 1/2 pounds