Yup

I've become addicted to throwing away food; the thought of it not going into my body, the thought of how angry it would make my mother, and the knowledge that my dad works his ass off to pay for it; oh man it feels good!

So far I've trashed:

(I opened everything and poured it out so it can't be recovered)

• two medium-sized bags of cereal
• 3 large slices of dominos pizza (that was all that was left of it)
• a can of progresso soup
• a large king-sized chocolate bar
• a large bag of trail mix
• a large bag of sunflower seeds
• our last pizza pocket
• a can of doctor pepper

If I don't get a handle on this the house is going to be empty before dawn 

14, August, 2012

Someone, please, be mean, be nasty, tell me I am fat, disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human being, a waste of space who deserves to die and should just go kill herself. I need to be humiliated and set back on track, I cannot stand myself to look in that oblong stand-up mirror that is propped against my closet door, forcing me to watch myself as I undress and struggle to button the pants i idolize with ever fragment of my very being, the pants I want so badly to wear, that I would starve myself within an inch of my very life just so I could button them and look sexy while doing it. 

I am so tired of people saying "you are doing great, I can tell you have lost weight" or "there is always tomorrow" I am so depressed and just want to sleep, sleep for a solid week so that I can starve without temptation and the endless questions of "have you eaten today?" "do you want dinner" "you look sick, do you want me to make you something?"

I hate food.. I truly do, I hate the tastes, the way it feels when it runs over my tongue and rolls down my throat like a slug, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate that it makes me fat, I hate that it travels through you like slime in a sewer pipe. I hate how it smells, that disgusting aroma that makes my stomach burn with anticipation, forcing me to eat just a little bit until it turns into a "what the fuck have I done" moment. 

My thighs have long sideways pink scars now, freshly healed from the last time I cut a few days ago, my trusty razor looks so deliciously pleasant now 

I don't want to "fix" this, I am sick of having to "fix" stuff I want to just be perfect, I want to just starve, I hate myself so much I am so weak and I will never be happy 

Please, if you want to binge or cheat... don't.. it is the most depressing thing ever and every time you do it it kills you a little inside :(

My seven day fast starts today, because I had eaten yesterday (a few hours ago) see that is my problem I starve myself all day and then binge from 9pm-11pm because my hunger flares up dominating me becoming evermore threatening like inextinguishable flames with only one weakness: food. 

If you have actually read to this point, thank you, please please if you have fasted for a week or longer on nothing but water give me some tips, I may have thousands of tips for fasting, but I tend to not listen to them unless they come from someone else.

Earthlings

PRO-ANA OR NOT, PLEASE WATCH THIS IT IS FREE

http://earthlings.com/?page_id=32

or here

I have never seen anything worse than the factory to fridge videos until I saw that movie, fuck, I have not made it past 51 minutes yet! I have a VERY soft, sensitive spot for all animals but pigs and pets especially, this video reveals the TRUE cruelty and it will break your heart. I don't give a fuck who you are if you watch this and don't shed a tear or don't feel anything inside you change than you are just as evil and corrupt as the serial killers in this video.

PLEASE SHOW THIS  TO YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, COWORKERS, AND PUT IT ON YOUR BLOG/FACEBOOK/TWITTER/TUMBLR!! WE NEED TO SPREAD THE WORD AND RAISE AWARENESS, THIS EVIL HAS TO STOP!

I need you to know something...

First off: This is not a straight information blog there is a lot of personal stuff too, this is more like the lifestyle and life of an anorexic.

Secondly: It is OK to mess up. Please know that. Don't let anyone or anything make you think that if you mess up you are a failure, you aren't. There have been anorexics and bulimics that have killed themselves over binging because they get so ashamed of themselves and cannot cope. Know that if you fail, there is always tomorrow and if your lucky then you still have today to fix it.  KNOW THAT IF YOU MESSED UP OR CHEATED THAT IT IS OK BECAUSE YOU ARE FIXING IT BY WORKING OUT. 

Acid Reflux

Hey guys, all right this is very important...

Today (it has been happening for a few hours) I have been getting severe chest pains in the center and left sometimes sharp, sometimes like a pressure or like someone is squeezing my heart or something. The pain also radiates in my left arm and upper back between my shoulder blades, as well as there is a tightness in my throat. This is NOT acid reflux, if you have these symptoms tell someone IMMEDIATELY as you need to go to the doctor and may even have to go to the ER, since I am too young there is a very low chance that I am having a heart attack but it is not impossible that there is something wrong with my heart, so please be aware of these symptoms!! 

Hunger pains?

If you have hunger pains or nausea here are a few helpful tips:

Get on your knees and put your head on the floor making yourself as small as possible (hold onto feet if needed) this helps a lot with hunger pangs. It should look like picture above but if you put your arms back and grab feet you can pull yourself in tighter. 

Take a hot shower or bath, this calms the muscles and it relieves pain and stress. This is also a very effective method. 

Another method to cure coldness and nausea/hunger pain: 

Hot water and honey, or just hot chamomile tea, if you do not want the calories of honey.