Fasting

Lots'o personal fasting posts, I know but since I am fasting you can't expect much else. Hopefully those who are not fasting won't get too annoyed.

I am genuinely feeling fine, and am a-okay in terms of physical hunger and mental cravings however I can already hear those thoughts of doubt about:

"You did not prepare for this fast, when you finish you will just fall right back into old binging habits and gain all your weight back"

"You won't be able to handle the detox"

"What if I binge during Christmas" 

and so on...

I also am getting a juicer for Christmas and water distiller so I generally feel like it may be smarter to wait until after the holidays which is why I ended the first two fasts.

Maybe it would be smart to try and go through today like normal and break the fast for dinner and see how that goes to let myself know if I will be able to handle breaking a 21-day fast...?

Honestly, I do feel fine going through with it but I am genuinely scared of binging mid-fast, returning to old habits, or breaking my fast incorrectly if I do not have the right foods at my house.

ARGH! 

What should I do? Has any of you had successful post-fast experiences? What about fasts that last 7-15 days, did you break those okay? What did you do about binging? 

Day 3

15-17 of December 

This was my first fast which I broke...horribly and ended up sitting on the toilet for about 12 minutes while my body purged everything. Yes, 12 minutes is not long at all for a days worth of food to travel through you, it hurt very bad, but at least no calories got digested.

17 of December

This was my second fast which only lasted 9 hours and I broke it with cabbage soup and potatoes.

WARNING: Do not EVER break your fast with potatoes! The mucus in your body and toxins that are released during the water fast react negatively with potatoes and by combining this there is a physical chemical reaction in which a toxic gas is released in your body that can get stuck in pockets in your organs [this is not flatulence]. 

Ah...so anyway

18-20 December

This is my third and current fast, I am on day 3 and only like 2 hours into today. I don't have much to say about these past three days except that it has been very...enlightening and hard. I have been having lots of moments of weakness and doubt but I have pushed through them and am determined to make it to 21 days... I am only slightly worried about Christmas, like what I am going to do when everyone is eating this warm food while I have to smell it with my super-enhanced senses....Ugh..

I have this weird obsession with vampires and I have found that the deeper I get into this fast mentally [like when it comes time to battle with your own mind and you really learn the difference between YOU and your brain/body] the more I feel like I am a human version and that almost makes me feel better. Yes, this is very weird but whatever works right? 

Like... I mean all your senses are enhanced, your skin clears up and smooths, your eyes brighten up and get really white, you don't need like any sleep, and you are living off nothing but water, and sunlight for energy. 

Sooo, yeah, weird.

I'm very pleased that I have gotten to day 3 again so easily and so soon, and I find that it really DOES help to journal EVERYTHING, everyday of your fast [juice or water] because when you fast again it helps to watch for different times of the day when you feel most hungry, what made you quit last time and how you can mentally overcome that this time and so on.

Also, I have found, every fasting experience seems to be different. Not just in the sense that you will be "cleaner" than the first time you fasted so detox will vary and symptoms will vary but mentally and spiritually it is different. You will notice each time you fast, with less and less time between each short fast, the more you will notice a profound mental strength you probably never knew you had in you. 

Watch lots of "water fast day...." videos on YouTube of fasting blogs and that will help get you through your fast; avoid all forms of media both online and on TV and you will be fine <3

Short Post

I thought I would post this, I found this site's link through one of my reader's blogs: 

ana-until-the-end.weebly.com

it is a great site and it is:

http://www.freewebs.com/reddragonfly81/

You see, I really do try to keep up with comments and visit your blogs and what not but it is difficult for me to actually reply to everyone or give out my e-mail and phone number to tons of people. I will try in the near future to update the "Ana Buddies" page so that everyone who has commented in the past since my last update will be added to the list. MAKE SURE you put if you are from the united states/united kingdom or any other country so I can put that on the list as well; it helps me stay organized and others in your country looking for an ana buddy will be able to find you quicker! :) 

have a lovely day! 

Bleh

Well I broke my fast this morning around 7 am with cabbage soup, I had one bowl and was fine; I had absolutely no desire to binge nor did I feel any ravenous hunger pangs... Later around 9 am I began to get the overwhelming need to binge, but I didn't I had a few squares of this natural chocolate [made with like milk chocolate, tree nuts, and soy milk etc.] and then I had more cabbage soup and some homemade chicken salad.

I made myself sick :(

I planned on SLOWLY returning to a normal diet but after that and my body purging everything I had just ingested in like 30 minutes, I decided I am going to restart my fast, because food is just not worth it and I am absolutely not worried about Christmas feasts coming up. 

16 December: Day 2

Hello my lovlies and gents!

A bit of a springer, I am on day 2 of my water fast, which will be day 3 in like 3 to 4 hours, and I am just so excited because I finally have the determination and will power to get through it this time. 

I have also realized, and I will put it here in case it is something you've been wondering too, that you can only take what people say about their fasting experiences and weight loss with a grain of salt because... most won't mention the fact that they did not continue post-fast with a healthier lifestyle than their previous one pre-fast.

I really liked this video because it shows exactly what water fasting can do, and what it will not do; in the video she posts after this she states "I ended up going to taco bell and binging" and a few minutes later says that she would not recommend fasting to anyone because she gained all the initial weight back anyway. ONCE YOU LOSE FAT, IT IS GONE FOR GOOD! IT IS NOT STORED SOMEWHERE TO BE PUT BACK WHEN YOU TREAT YOURSELF. If you fast and then fall back into old habits then of course you will gain all the weight back and then some!

Please do not be scared of water fasting because of all the horror stories of "I gained it all back" or "I weigh more now than before I started" 

You all are smarter than that! 

Just do NOT pick up old habits of binging on junk food or eating sugar; yes, you can have a food-favourite like maybe a cheese hot-pocket if that is your thing, but don't do it every day or weekend. 

This is my favourite video because of the gigantic amount of weight this amazing girl has lost through a mere 21 days/3 weeks of fasting! Truly, I mean what else in the world can you do that will get you the same results? 

More unnecessary TIPS:

• Have a set goal in mind to motivate you [weight loss, health, spirituality]
• Have an accountability partner to keep you honest if you mess up or struggle
• Drink LOTS of water [distilled is the best]
• prepare yourself mentally for the future lifestyle changes

For me the hardest part is not seeing good food, like cabbage soup, being cooked and eaten without me or seeing chocolate and wanting some, but rather it is knowing that when I finish this fast I will not be able to eat the same foods [like pizza, chocolate etc.]

I mean, I can eat it on occasion but when you essentially reset your body, and get it to prime optimization where it no longer desires fatty foods or craves sugar... why would you want to put it back in? So I think that I really do struggle with that a lot and coming to terms with giving up 80% of the foods that my body loves to binge on.

• have a reward for when you finish fasting to look forward to

For most this would be clothes or a piercing or tattoo [or bikini maybe?], and I won't lie, it has always been that way for myself but now I feel that in giving up my past life I really just want boiled eggs and purple cabbage soup [yes, it is that good] for a reward. I mean, if I try to promise myself something like that then I know it will only discourage me later because it is not substantial, it will only get me through the first few days and then I start thinking, "well what if I am not skinny enough to get it?" and other things along the lines of that. 

I am not saying your reward needs to be your favourite meal [and it shouldn't if your favourite meal is something like dairy, meat or anything else that is heavy on the digestive system] but it should definitely be something that you want DURING your fast... not something that you will be able to get if you are satisfies post-fast, and for most this will end up being a certain food or drink. 

• stay warm, get lots of rest
• don't spend every waking moment desiring to eat and hating your fast

enjoy your fast, because it only lasts as long as you set it up for and that will not be forever. Any anxieties you feel will only be the body that you have created from sugar dependency and fat dependency in which is trying to get you to eat because it thinks it will starve. 

No matter how good something may look or smell, or how fast it will disappear during your fast, that food will still exist when you finish fasting. You can still cook it again or buy it again or whatever; there is no need to break a fast over something so silly as food that, just like your fast, will be over and done with before you even got to enjoy it.

let me tell you, fasting is SO worth it because it really does make you CRAVE healthy foods like tomatoes [I HATED tomatoes by themselves, and still do now that I haven't fasted in so long, but when I fast they taste soooo good!!] and you will no longer desire things like sugar, cheese, meat, or unhealthy fatty foods that I know you so desperately want to expel from your diet.

Lastly,

• Preparing is great, but not a necessity

If you have a generally unhealthy lifestyle of fried foods, then yes, you need to prepare physically pre-fast with a few days of juice fasting or something like that otherwise the detoxification stage of the water fast will be quite unpleasant. 

Now on the other hand if you live a generally okay lifestyle of low fat and sodium then you can just dive right in if you want, like me. 

I got the overwhelming notion that I needed to fast on 14th of December and at 2 am on the 15th  [it would have been midnight but I had some chicken salad with grapes] I decided that I would and, without any mental or physical preparation, have been fasting since. 

The thing that got my butt up and moving was... I wore my mother's shirt to the movies because I had nothing to wear and my sister said "well I don't think I have anything that will fit you." 

How depressing is that!! Granted, my mother's shirt was big on me and is tight on my mother, but still, who dreams of sharing clothes with their tubby mother instead of their stick thin sister?

So.. that was my motivation to start, and the videos of "before and after" for 21 days keeps me from getting discouraged and the reward of cabbage soup is what keeps me from binging or taking a small bite of anything because it reminds me this won't be forever, I will eat again and it will be my favourite food of all things so I can do this! 

and so can you. <3

[I just felt like that ending was very "flowery" and cheesy]

Red Cabbage Soup

22 grams is 0.776027 ounces [1 oz.] or 0.0970034 cups 

but let us not get technical here

22 grams of red cabbage is only 6 calories. SIX. S-I-X

One cup of chopped red cabbage has 28 calories

And 2 large heads of red [purple] cabbage makes enough to feed 1-3 people for days 

Average Cost of Meal:

2 large heads: $2.00-$4.00
**Seasonings: approx. $6.00-$10.00

Total for meal without seasonings: maximum - $8.00 [tax included]

AVERAGE: $2.00 per day [the soup should last you 4 or more days, and thus would be a $2.00 meal or cheaper the longer the soup lasts you]

**only have to buy once until you run out

ALSO!!!! You can buy one purple head of cabbage and one green because green is cheaper [but without all the benefits], it does not affect the overall end taste of the soup.

NUTRITION (benefits):

The author of all the information in italics is Sandi Busch 

"The red pigment comes from plant-based chemicals called flavonoids, while the sharp flavor is the result of sulfur-based compounds. In addition to these important phytochemicals, cabbage contributes to your overall health with fiber and a range of vitamins and minerals.

Insoluble fiber from red cabbage prevents constipation, lowers the risk of developing diverticular disease and helps relieve the symptoms of some gastrointestinal conditions, such as irritable bowel syndrome. 

I've yet to meet or talk to a person with an eating disorder that doesn't have trouble with pooping. Don't lie, you know you struggle with it sometimes.

 1 cup of chopped red cabbage has 56 percent of the recommended daily intake of this important vitamin. As an antioxidant, vitamin C fights inflammation and protects cells from damage that leads to chronic health conditions, such as heart disease. Your body needs vitamin C to make collagen, which is the connective tissue that gives structure, strength and support to muscles, skin, bones and other tissues throughout the body. Collagen is also essential for the process of healing wounds. Vitamin C also strengthens the immune system by stimulating the production of white blood cells that fight invading bacteria and infections.

So essentially, this is the miracle food for bulimics and anorectics due to the protection from heart disease, and the fact the Vitamin C helps with the production of collagen which helps all the things that eating disorders destroy [skin, muscles, bones and immune system]

 It takes a series of chemical reactions to make blood clot. Seven proteins that participate in blood clotting depend on the presence of vitamin K to complete their part of process. Other vitamin-K-dependent proteins regulate bone mineralization. Long-term deficiency in vitamin K increases the risk of developing osteoporosis, atherosclerosis and cancer, according to research published in the April 2012 issue of “Food and Nutrition Research.” You’ll gain 28 percent of the recommended daily intake of vitamin K from 1 cup of chopped red cabbage.

Another long-term side effect from eating disorders is osteoporosis.

Red cabbage belongs to the cruciferous, or Brassica, family that includes broccoli, turnips and Brussels sprouts. Cruciferous vegetables are the only source of sulfur-containing compounds called glucosinolates that are responsible for their bitter flavor. Glucosinolates are digested into isothiocyanates that reduce inflammation and fight bacteria. The red pigment comes from a flavonoid, cyanidin, that functions as an antioxidant. Both cyanidin and the isothiocyanates prevent some types of cancer by stopping the growth of cancer cells, inhibiting enzymes that activate carcinogens and helping cells repair damage caused by carcinogens. In April 2012, Vanderbilt University Medical Center released research results showing that breast cancer survivors who ate more cruciferous vegetables reduced their risk of dying by 62 percent. 

Sources:
Healthy Eating


My Father's Recipe
[please click pictures if you cannot see them very well]

What you'll need:

• a BIG pot
• 2 *large* heads of purple [red] cabbage; these should be the size of your head.
• Caldo con Sabor de Pollo [chicken seasoning] 

• Tony Chachere's 

• Cavenders 

• Garlic Powder

PREPERATION

• measure out 12 cups of water and pour them it into the pot
• 1 teaspoon of "chicken seasoning" per cup of water [in this case: 12 teaspoons]
• 1 teaspoon [tsp.] of Cavenders, garlic powder, Tony Chachere's

1. Turn the stove on LOW heat 
2. cut cabbage while the liquid heats up [get the core out if you don't want it]
3. slowly turn up heat once you have all the cabbage in the pot

DO NOT worry about the cabbage filling up the entire pot it WILL go down

• cook until cabbage is soft [personal preference, I usually eat it rather soft]

This does take a little bit of time to cook and prepare but with time it becomes easier, and the soup is so delicious it probably won't even matter!

DO NOT DRAIN THE LIQUID

THIS IS WHERE **ALL** THE NUTRIENTS AND FLAVOUR WILL BE !!!

BEST EATEN WITH:

BOILED EGGS

My sister and I love biting the boiled egg [gently] in half, putting the yolk into the soup to soak up some of the flavor and using the "bowl" shaped egg white to scoop soup into and eating it like that; sounds weird but oh my gosh it is SO good!

No More Bull

I realize that this blog is all over the place with helpful information and then depressing breakdowns, and I cannot express how grateful I am to all my followers and readers who've stuck with it [whether you continue to read each of my posts or not, thank you for continuously visiting and not giving up on me].

 I don't really vent to my family, they vent to me and I don't vent on my other blogs, so this one, with all my disorder laid out for the world to see it should  not only be expected but accepted as well that I will occasionally have a rant or two and a minor breakdown. Not all the time am I seriously angry but sometimes angry, which is why sometimes my posts will disappear.

This is a short post, I am making a meal one next <3

anyway

THANK YOU for putting up with my constant crap!

Family Portrait

I have not desired to self-harm or starve in quite some time but I feel the overwhelming since of suffocating within my own skin coming about like a crashing wave; I'm about to drown. In the same sense, I feel the undeniable numbness of a looming depression, it threatens me like lurking black clouds. 

My parents don't have the happiest marriage; they let things build up and when it bubbles up to its peak, it explodes from their mouths with an unstoppable force like they are spitting spears into each other's hearts.  There are screams of betrayal and hate from both goliaths, and both forget I'm even there, shaking and teary-eyed as I am forced to listen. If only I could have run away from it all. 

I don't much feel like talking anymore, or even existing, my skin itches, begging me to scratch it off and I just want to disappear into the wind, find some place to be happy and find enough love within myself that I can live off of. I don't need other people or this family of mine that's taught me nothing but self-loathing and insecurity.

If I could, I would break every mirror in the house so they could see the truth of their warped faces beneath the facade of happiness. It hurts to know your mother steals from you and your father, and to know that your father is at the point of leaving. 

I think the giving of thanks on Thursday has been reduced to a big feast and forced get together that I, now, refuse to attend. I don't want to eat, and while I promised myself and tried to make it official through the space I put between myself and this blog.. It is inescapable. I will never escape my eating disorder it never goes away, it is a demon with claws so long and deeply gouged into my back that my bones will be the only proof of the scars 

I hurt. And I was an idiot to think I would ever recover.

Something New

I apologize for my inexplicable absence of late... To be honest there is really nothing new to add here, I may or may not have lost weight but I have noticed a sizable amount from my midsection's sides disappear.

I am not here to post about progress though; but rather I am here to say that I am not so adamant about making my whole life revolve around my "pro-ana" lifestyle in which is shown through my numerous blogs, folders of thinspo and desire to be a walking bone because I can't stand myself and I don't deserve food.

I have reconnected with God, and began to pray a lot recently and I can't shake the feeling that this blog and my encouragements to you to starve are...less than pleasing to God. 

I have thought about deleting it, changing it to a "pro-health", or whatever but I feel like neither were really good answers as this blog has obviously helped a lot of people get through some stuff or at least gave them a few tools to work through it on their own. 

So I will keep this blog up and running, but just know that when I make a post about anything it will be about healthy workout plans, healthy "diets", and healthy foods... I don't want to say I'm "cured" of my eating disorder because even that is pretty far-fetched. I still pass reflective surfaces and pinch my fat, I still feel sick when I see my fat, and I still struggle with making myself eat or making myself stop sometimes... 

But,

I refuse to encircle my life with "ANOREXIANOREXIANOREXIA" because that does not help me either, and I have found that the more I try to follow the "pro-ana" lifestyle the fatter I get because my eating disorder is not just starvation, it is binging too... So I am working on eating only healthy foods (I control the unhealthy crap in which I will allow to enter me)...

BOTTOM LINE:

I will still post here, just not as much and it won't be "pro-ana"-related; more so just healthy workouts and workout regimens, stress-relievers, detox diets, et cetra...

If you would like to follow my more inspirational blogs either to keep up with me or just because, then here are the links:

• http://christiscomingback.tumblr.com
• http://christiscomingagain.blogspot.com

I'm not naming this

First off: This post is both personal AND informational (in regards to losing weight)  so please skip to the "Tips" section if you want to skip the personal part! 

Anyway...

I am planning on studying to become a Health Coach and then going to college/university to become a Registered Dietitian and then Herbalist and Alternative Doctor...

It is a lot, and will probably take me anywhere from 5 to 15 years to complete everything but I am determined! In my research I have even found some great ways to help you lose weight...

TIPS SECTION:

• Your lifestyle, happiness, stress levels, spiritual standing (if your at peace or not), and even love life all have more effect on your overall health and weight than your diet does. 
• No diet in existence will work for every single person, what may help me lose 50 pounds in a mere month could only allow you to lose 2 or even make you gain weight. Find what suits and works for your individual needs and your own body. You know what makes you bloated, gassy, and feel guilty/fat/sick/heavy... and you know what makes you feel strong, thin, light etc. so use that knowledge to help you.
• You do not lose weight long-term on any diet, you have to make a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change means getting rid of processed foods or meat or candy or coffee (et cetra) forever not just for a week or two; a lifestyle change means be more active in everything you do (taking the stairs, riding your bike etc.) for your health not just for weight loss and keeping this behaviour up for the rest of your life NOT just for this week while your on a higher calorie diet or this month because last month you did really bad.
• Get this through your head: There is NO magical diet, surgery or pill, there is NO magical tip or workout video, there is NO magical ANYTHING that will make you lose your weight effortlessly, quickly and without any sacrifices on your part. You MUST change your ways if you want to lose weight and stop being such a stubborn dork, you got yourself to where you are, you know how long it took you to put on that weight so why would it only take you a day or two to get it off and why should it be easy to get it off? 
• If you specifically avoid carbs/dairy/all sugars/all fats/all proteins and so on and yet you still are not losing weight, there is probably a reason. THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU! I do not care if it worked for Miranda Kerr or even if it made Rosanne Barr drop the weight, you are not them and it is not going to make you skinny! You need to write everything you like, and everything you normally eat, and everything you eat day-to-day...this will help you figure out what you need to change (or what you can change) so you can slowly try to find the right foods for your body so you can lose weight. 
• There is a saying: You are what you eat. That is to say if you eat crap you will feel like crap. If you cannot name the ingredients just by looking at what you are eating then you should not be putting that trash into your body. 

Workouts for beginners:

• Elliptical at 80% resistance
• Stationary bike at level 5
• Treadmill 1.0 incline, 3.5 MPH with 4lb weights in both hands

If you are sore then stretch, if you are in pain then DO NOT WORKOUT until the pain is completely gone, this is your body trying to build and heal your muscles to make you stronger.

IF YOU ARE NOT raising the resistance, speed or pushing yourself harder/longer for each workout than the last time you went to the gym then you WILL NOT build endurance, strength and the workout will never get easier. 

IF you are building endurance than the higher resistance will be easier to do for longer periods of time, meaning you will be burning TONS of calories in no time at all. 

• Stretch AFTER working out and warm-up BEFORE your workouts
• Unless you are having a protein shake (30 minutes before the workout) you need to:
• Eat AFTER you workout, not before 
• workout in the MORNING so your metabolism is working and sped up all day

Update: 09 October

I don't know why I am so depressed, honestly just a few days ago I was happy.. and now? I am all but dead inside.

I don't know what makes me feel more sick: my sister telling me she is stressed to her breaking point or this stupid lovesick crush I have on this stupid guy. He is a nice guy of course but it is not even something that could even be considered to be considered!

 

I am just so sick of life right now.

 

My sister and I went to Arkansas to visit her aunt, grandmother and cousin (on her dad's side -- no relation to myself) and it was so nice...slow paced, rural and the scenery was breathtaking! Every where you look trees, open pastures with cows and horses, ponds, lakes all glittering with golden light ... the entire backdrop being mountains. It reminded me that this world does have some beauty left.. does have something...good left...

 

 

**note that I did not take these pictures but I went to this mountain and saw this same scenery**

 

but then we left and came home and I could feel all my past thoughts and discretions coming back to haunt me, my heart hurts at the slightest give, allowing it all to flow through and overwhelm me.

 

I am so sick of seeing Bs on my progress report, I want As, and I am stressed out over my mother, I am stressed out over school, I am stressed out because I want this to all just end! No matter how good I may feel for a week or two...it isn't enough... I will never be happy until I am bones and dust, rotting six feet under.

 

I carved the words 'worthless' and 'fat' into my legs and they've finally healed but that is all I seem to hear anymore, and it is so easy to fake a smile and convince people that you are happy, even those who you spend nearly every day with. I am so glad it is winter too, maybe now I can get away with wearing pants all the time and not feel so guilty about raising suspicion.

 

Is it...wrong of me to be mad at my sister? Everytime she says she is stressed out or upset she drags my mother into it like she knows what it has been like... she has not lived with this for the past 6 or so years and she always tries to play it like it was so much worse when she had to go through it but it wasn't. I can't go to the doctor or dentist, I don't get deoderant or shampoo when I ask for it.

 

I am just sick of people feeling bad for her and bring my mother into it. Like oh boohoo! Your mom gambles and it had no effect what-so-ever on you, lets throw a pity party for you while your sister has to deal with this in silent pain!

 

 

And I swear to god if anyone refers to my brother as her brother like he is just her brother I will scream bloody murder.

 

Oh poor thing your brother is in Afghan? That must be so hard on you and your mother...

 

HELLO?! HE'S MY DAMN BROTHER TOO

 

That is evil of me and I will probably go to Hell just for thinking that way but

 

dammit stop it!

 

STOP telling everyone about our mother like you are the one dealing with it, stop telling people about me like it directly affects you just shut UP

 

I am so SICK of people pitying me. I give enough of that to myself as it is, I don't need it from anyone else who has no idea about the situation or how damn hard it is to have to look into your mother's eyes and know that she has stabbed you in the back and enjoyed it.

 

And I am so SICK of people telling me I cannot be mad, that I have to be there for her and love her and pretend it never happened, to just forgive her!

 

I don't want to, and I can't.

 

Now I know why so many families turn their backs on relatives with addictions...

 

And ... no one seems to feel the way I do..

 

I feel like I am dying inside trying to fight off these demons and convince everyone that I am okay and just so worried for my sister (which I do genuinely worry for and care about her but...she has, and always will be, the one everyone notices and cares about).

 

Not to mention it is so damn hard listening to her passive aggressively mention how bad at my diet I am, and how she is so "big" when she is so tiny.. so what I must just be fucking king kong to you huh? asshole



What are Calories

Most of you already know this but for those of you who don't or simply need an easy way to wrap your head around what calories are here is an easy explanation that helped me understand. 

Calories are units of energy, this is why there is no exact way (or any way at all) to measure pounds/weight in calories! 

Don't believe me?

The word is 3500 calories = 1 pound of fat

this is WRONG

If you burn 3500 calories in one day you will not lose a pound of fat, you might be a pound lighter (from peeing or not eating much that day) but it will not be from 1 pound of fat loss. 

BUT

you can lose a pound of fat from burning 3500 calories every day for a week if you only had like 1500 calories intake (I do not know if that is exact) so this is not to say burning 3500 calories won't help you lose fat, but 3500 calories DOES NOT EQUAL 1 pound of fat

so if you burn 3500 calories one day, don't expect to see 1 pounds worth of fat magically gone from your body. 

TIPS:

when you workout you BURN fat and USE calories / stored energy (i.e: fat)

so think of a few ways to

• burn lots of energy all at once (intense cardio / working out)

 or

• lots of ways to burn some energy throughout the day (cleaning / walking place to place)

THIS IS also why things like

• bouncing your legs when sitting
• bouncing on your tiptoes over and over when standing (as if to make yourself taller)
• moving around / fidgeting
• taking more trips instead of trying to do it all at once (taking 2 or 3 groceries in each trip instead of 6 or 7)

add up and help you lose weight! It is because you're body is using energy (it is ALWAYS using energy to breathe, keep your heart beating, use your brain, eat, sleep etc.) however little amount and once it goes through the energy stored in your liver for the day has to move on to fat reserves. 

so look up ways to make your body use more energy (i.e work harder) 

example: running makes your heart beat faster (therefore work harder) to pump enough blood for your muscles; your lungs require more oxygen for the large amount of blood being pumped through your body and your brain (because it is the thing telling your muscles to move, how to move and keeping you coordinated etc.) 

I feel like puking , my stomach has that weird twisted feeling you get when you're nauseated (it is like in the upper center of my midsection) 

I can't even take my adderrall because taking a small sip of water was enough to give me chills and shivers, blegh!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

3 days of...

Okay so my first protein shake was at the end of Thursday and since then I've only had shakes but my first official day was not until Friday and just listen:

Each shake is only like 120 - 300 maximum and the calories are coming from the powder, fruit, and almond milk..

Okay now keeping in mind I only drink one or two (if i am lucky) a day 

all the events are in order of occurrence 

Friday (Day 1):

-stayed up all night and took half an adderrall at 6am and then 9am 

- cleaned for 12 hours straight (no exaggeration)

-was up until 2 am with neck and back pain

Saturday (day 2):

-had a little over half a shake around 7:20 am (180 calories)

-tested my pee and I am in ketosis

-cleaned my sister's car with her for about 3 1/2 hours

-cleaned her boyfriend's house with her for about 4 hours

-went home to shower and change (1:30 pm - 2:45 pm)

- went to eat with mom and sister (had a few bites of lettuce and broccoli)

-went back to her boyfriend's house for about 1 hour 

-went back home to change into pajamas and pack an outfit for church

-went to pick up pizza with my sister for her boyfriend

-went to my sisters house and watched the big Mayweather vs Canelo fight

-went to bed somewhere around 12 am 

Sunday (day 3):

-woke at 6:40 am and had a shake (200-240)

-arrived at church and went up four story stairs

-spent most of the day walking up and down this long hallway and going in and out of rooms 

-pushed around huge crates with my sister 

-went down the 4 stories to take my sisters phone to her car to charge it (only to have to go back down a few hours later to bring it back to her)

-had to carry these two boxes down the 4 story stairs with my sister and speedwalk/run to catch the guy who had to take them before he left, then walk back up the stair (taking two steps at a time) we both almost passed out one up there and had to do a breathing exercise to regain ourselves.

-grabbed her purse and went back down the stairs and left (so I was at the church working 7am - 1:45 pm and burned approximately 1000 - 1100 calories)

***After "arriving at church" it is not really in order but a 'I did this through-out the day' thing.

I am tired, my feet are like raw, sensitive, and very sore (but on the bright side, very soft)

I am not allowed to weight myself until next Friday  (20 , September)

Ewgh

so I got home not too long ago and basically just

its only 2:53 PM but I don't care

GOOD NIGHT

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

UPDATE (9:05 am . 16, September, Monday)

I ended up getting 4 hours into my nap and my sister called and asked if i wanted to come back over to her boyfriend's house (even though she has finally moved back in from where we'd been staying she has yet to sleep her yet because she stays there every weekend and he asked her to stay again even though she told me she wouldn't so she just asked me to stay the night there)

anyway

had a shake around 9:40 pm or 10:20 pm , watched football for an hour or so before going to bed and waking up at 5 am when her boyfriend left, then again at 8 when she was getting ready to take me home then go meet him and his parents for lunch

MY REAL UPDATE::

I have lost 5 pounds (clothes on) and this is day 4 of my diet.

Adderrrall!!! !!!

Okay, so maybe my sister moving in wouldn't be bad, like at all???

She and my mom take adderrall (used to treat ADD and ADHD by calming you down and helping you focus) but if you don't have either of those then it has the exact opposite effect!!

Here are somethings it does:

• makes you energetic
• it is like speed, so you will be all over the place cleaning everything
• curbs your appetite like no other

it is amazing and my sister only takes it for the weight loss and it helps her get things done (and burn TONS of calories cleaning...I spent 12 hours non-stop cleaning and moving!!)

it is still in my system so I am going to go and clean, soak my feet and then take a shower <3

love, love, love LOVE you guys!! Keep MOVING!!! 

I take back what I said...

I never realized how truly...obsessed my sister was with her own image, I mean of course since she had anorexia years ago it is still a tender area but...

She skipped her best friend's engagement party because she gained 10 pounds... it barely shows (but is definitely noticeable if you see her all the time) and I'm beginning to worry ...I don't want her falling into old patterns, especially with her moving back in with us... and if she does she'll pick up on mine..

Like my little habit of running/speed walking at 2-4 am...

_______________________________

It took me 21 minutes on the dot to burn 100 calories exactly... How pathetic!!

I know I haven't ran in one or two a couple months but... CHRIST! This is unacceptable.. I am going to spend the next week building my endurance back up and hopefully be able to hold a steady run for that long (21 minutes) and burn triple that (100 calories)

Personal

heh so I know this is really wrong but I think it might just be poetic justice? 

My "forever thin" sister who could eat anything she wanted and not gain weight, whose confidence fed off of people's my mom jealousy worry... Who always told me it is about inner beauty and that people who only care about appearance are shallow and not "of God" '

How the mighty have fallen

My sister is getting FAT!

yes, and really fast at that! (rhyme not intended)

She's gained a noticeable 10-15 pounds and I can't help but feel good inside and I know how sickeningly wrong that is but every time she texts me about how "fat" she feels and how she is embarrassed and doesn't want to see people because of what they might think it reminds me of all the times I told her I was disgusted with myself or embarrassed to go somewhere / do something because I was fat and how she would look down on me and say "oh littles its okay! No one cares! And you shouldn't care what people think, like who cares?" 

HA apparently you do you sanctimonious turd. She thrived on that, on my insecurities and jealousy, and even when she had hipbones she would say she was fat just to hear me wail and convince her with my last breath that she was the tiniest thing I'd ever seen and now that she actually is gaining weight, actually is getting chubby, she sounds different, genuinely displeased when she says she is fat... and I can't help but smile.

sweet poetic justice. 

But don't think that this means I can slack off!

Nope, because she is not slacking either, she just told me today "but it is okay because I am doing something about it. Xxxxx offered me a smoothie today and I said no." 

So I am just going to continue this fast as long as it takes and work out I don't give a flying fuck if it makes me pass out or if 'it is bad for you' to work out whilst fasting 

I will beat her 

and finally be the skinny sister for once

Nothing better worse for an ED than good old fashion jealousy and rivalry 

Diets; Vegan

There is - for some reason - a hype surrounding the vegan lifestyle in hopes that it will magically make you thin. This is very untrue; this is especially untrue if you don't know what foods to eat! 

There are vegans or people who become vegans that actually gain more weight or don't lose any weight at all because they eat the wrong things or too much of the "right" things. 

I have already made a post about the dangers of eating too much fruit and not burning off enough calories, how the sugars in fruit can make you gain just as much weight as eating unhealthy foods can.  

But also there are all the foods that contains sugar, carbohydrates, high fat content, gluten, and MSG (salt) that you need to watch out for.

Just because you are vegan and that cuts out meat, dairy, eggs and anything else that comes from animals in anyway shape or form doesn't mean junk food magically disappears from your diet as well. So beware and always read the label.

(random tip: always look to see if your local shopping market has gluten-free alternatives to anything you normally buy)

Some vegan-friendly foods/meals I like that are low calorie and help you lose weight effectively are:

FOODS:

• wasabi peas (its not real wasabi, it is horseradish but still effective)
• roasted seaweed (it comes in sheets)
• baby carrots (35 calories for 8 oz)
•  celery (basically 0 calories)
•  raw broccoli (its like 4 calories for a small bowl full)
• Lemons
• Almonds (put 6 in a bag and eat 2 per meal time)

MEALS:

• Stir Fry         

Level: Medium

Calorie Per Serving: 100 - 200 

(depends on rice and sauce)

Time: 20-35 minutes 

 
Ingredients: 

- Any vegetables you like (usually soy beans, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, mushrooms, bell peppers, snap peas are used, but you can pick and choose as you like to suit your fancy)

-Tofu can be used if you want more protein , this must be prepared a day before though (not putting that here).

-You can buy seasonings or sauces for the base flavour a good few would be something with Ginger in it, I just looked up some good ones but they are all called "stir fry sauce" and "classic stir fry sauce" so just look at ingredients / calories and pick the best)

-rice (you can use plain white or brown or whole grain or Japanese it doesn't matter as long as you know how to prepare it)

I may or may not update this later IDK I will probably forget unless someone says something 

Tips: Burn More Calories

• Spice anything you have to eat with cayenne or crushed red pepper (soup, salad, anything)
• Opt for more protein than carbohydrates , you burn like 20 calories for ever gram digested
• Stand whenever possible, move around while you stand (this will add up)
• Sit up straight when you sit, you burn more calories like that
• breathe in deeper 
• pay attention in school, using your brain burns calories
• Take your time, if you have to bring dishes to the kitchen from your room make it into 3-4 trips instead of 1
• Stay cold, drink ice cold water, suck on ice
• Sugar free gum, you can burn the 5 calories in it easily, for every hour you chew gum you burn a few extra calories 
• black coffee to speed the metabolism (caffeine)
• Take vitamin D
• Sleep more (7-9 hours) lack of sleep slows your metabolism down, you also burn calories sleeping and can't eat. 
• Wear a basic pedometer
• Move briskly like your out of time / late for everything.
• Laugh
• Eat breakfast instead of a big lunch/dinner 
• Time yourself, spend at least 5-15 minutes per hour moving around
• Fill up on fiber
• Go out of your way and take the stairs / your bike
• Fidget

You can burn up to 350 more calories a day than someone who remains stationary

• Stash flats in your bag (you can walk faster this way, just put your heels on later)
• Don't eat late at night
• Straighten up
• Drink more
• Beware of sugar
• Squat
• Chew gum
• Sleep better
•  Walk and talk
• Switch sides if your carrying anything heavy to work more muscles
• Pick up the pace, listen to fast-paced songs and MOVE
• Cook your own food
• Avoid eating lunch at your desk if you have to then have a bite and go for a walk
• Always carry a snack like almonds for emergencies
• Wear stilettos, high heels work to tone muscles in your calves and thighs
• Relax
• Watch less television
• Lift up on to your tiptoes just a bit (kind of like a bounce movement) you can do it everywhere
• Drink a few cups of strong green tea every day
• Work your legs a bit, if stuck sitting then do small knee lifts / bounce your leg
• Taking supplements with glutamine after meals burns an average of 20 more calories
• Eat the peel on fruits like apples and veggies
• You burn 300 calories an hour having sex.
•  Use coconut oil, you lose more body fat
• Drink oolong tea
• Don't snack in the car
• Swing your arms
• Clean up and really put your body into it, the more effort and stretching, the more calories you burn
• Don't forget low-fat dairy (low-fat yoghurt), it is believed to help prevent fat from being stored

Today's Update

I slept most of the day away though I did wake up 7 or so times and each time I went to the kitchen (because I was hungry) but, I didn't eat, but it was more so because I don't want to eat, not because I told myself I shouldn't. 

I love when I am like this, it is so easy to not eat; I honestly feel I could go weeks without eating and not once feel tempted. I just hope it lasts 

In a few hours (7) I will be on day 2 of my fast at like...9 am 

I have not been eating much these past few days anyway, the most I eat is in one meal per day and it is usually 400-600 calories for the entire day (still a lot of calories but not compared to my binge relapses). 

____________________________________________

Then again this could all be due to the pills I am taking, they're for my ear infection so they aren't diet pills or anything but whatever is in them has my appetite shot. 

I'm so sick of being this obese...thing, my disease has become me... it does not let me leave me house or hang out with friends.. I can't even go to my sister's house without contemplating every possible thing (feeling insecure the entire time, getting offered food or drink with calories and giving in...etc.) and yet I have nothing to show for it except fat fat fAT FAT FAT 

I haven't weighed myself in so long, and I am fucking petrified just thinking about it and the more I think, the more my body rejects the thought of food because I want to weigh myself but can't because I am afraid of the numbers and am hoping just one more day of dieting will make them go down before I see them.... 

Excuse this post, trying to practice my mediocre french

je suis d'apprentissage français

je ne sais pas beaucoup , mais je suis trying mon best

anyway

j'ai been listening to musique française et je found this superbe chanson de ce groupe appelé Eskemo ... Je suis seul...

je l'adore ! (the lead singer that is..)

voici quelques thinspo de lui

Oh don't touch me ;~~~; 

Listing things that make me sick for future ref.

• Ice cream
• Packaged meats (hamburger patties, chicken etc.)
• Bread (pizza, potpie crust, any bread basically..)

I don't really know much else that makes me sick, I only recently started documenting what foods I ate before I start to feel nauseous/in pain. 

In case you did not notice.. .I messed up my water diet earlier because my mother cooked me a burger patty (that sounds so disgusting?) and then I had to take my pills so I got a scoop of ice cream which was a bad idea so I used a slice of bread and oh dear god I wish I could throw up just to get this feeling of nausea to go the hell AWAY! I knew what this stuff did to me and yet I always binge on it!? UGH

Restarted at 11 pm something but decided to set it at 12 am so fast started at 12:00 am and its 1:24 am now.. Blrhgiohd

Water Dieting

Eugh I hate laxatives so much! They are literally my enemy unless I am super bloated! All they do is make me dehydrated and so very, very weak...tired.

I'm back on my water diet 

Figured I would call it that instead of a fast since I am not doing this for the health benefits what-so-ever. 

I do have 4 apples that I will allow myself one for dinner for the first four days, to make up for it I'll make sure to drink at least one cup of cayenne water a day as well. 

My stomach and thighs are most definitely bigger and I just ugh it is killing me and it is time to do something about it and stop moping about it. I don't need an Ana Buddy, I can motivate myself. 

Beware of Fruit Overload

Hello darlings, me again with some more somewhat helpful information you may or may not find useful! 

For today's lesson I will be telling you all about the dangers of:

• Too
• Much
• Fruit
• and

How

It 

Can

Make 

You 

FAT

Everyone knows that a balance of fruits and vegetables along with exercise is the key to losing tons of weight naturally and if you go an even further step to lets say...eat only fruit for an entire week or two you might lose even more weight!

Wrong...

My sister for the past few years has literally been an attractive bone, not one flab or jiggle even though she was not toned. No matter what she ate! Until... she began her health kick and so all she eats is salads, nuts, organic stuff, healthy snacks and fruit etc. She started gaining weight recently and after ruling out that it could be nothing but her diet she came to the conclusion she was eating too much "healthy foods" and not exercising enough to burn it all off..

Come to find out it was NOT her overall diet but in fact her FRUIT intake!

She was having fruit for breakfast, some times as snacks and she would eat fruit every day without working out enough to burn it all off and the reason this caused her to gain weight is because:

Fruit is basically made up of "healthy" (easily broken down by the body) sugar and water , while this is good in moderation or as the occasional snack/alternative snack too much with not enough exercise will cause you too put on weight really fast (I'm talking weeks). 

VEGETABLES on the other hand are a no-brainer, they are GOOD for losing weight as you can practically  eat your weight in almost any vegetable and be full and still have eaten very few calories.

ALSO....

Spice up veggies with cayenne pepper to lose even more weight.

Replace every snack you usually eat (crackers/popcorn/etc.) with low calories fruits/veggies...

The best fruit for weight loss:

• watermelon
• lemon
• lime
• green apple (with the skin on it) 
• Cantaloupe 

AVOID BANANAS AT ALL COST!!! 

More Excuses

Reasons why you're losing weight:

• "School/work is stressing me out lately that is all" 
• "It's the birth control/antidepressant they've got me on! I swear this stuff is the worst"
• "I have a cold, I am getting over it now though so I should be able to enjoy all the grub I want again!"
• "I had a big breakfast/late breakfast/big lunch/late lunch" 
• "Oh don't worry I ate before I came! Thanks though!"
•  "Can I wrap that up for later? I just had a huge binge fest on ____"
• "I'm actually going to pick something up on the way"
• "I'm going out for lunch/dinner"
• "I'm going out with friends so don't wait up!" 
• "I've got this really big paper in English due tomorrow, can I eat in my room just this once to finish?" 
• "I don't like _______"
• "I am allergic to _________"
• "________ makes my stomach hurt really bad for some reason."
• "I've got the worst headache, please the smell of it alone is making me sick!"
• "I swear it is all the running they have us do in gym, they work us like dogs!" 
• "What are you talking about? I am naturally thin!"
• "Uh maybe it is because I have a fast metabolism?"
• "Fuck off and stop worrying about my eating habits?"
• "Slow metabolism, ate a late breakfast so I won't be hungry until dinner!" 

TIPS:

• Drink diet fizzy drinks whenever possible, it fills you up and also causes slight bloating to make it look like you just ate.
• Drink lots of water and wear layers to add weight when you go to the doctor (if possible wear boots)
• Wear baggy clothes to hide weight loss 
• Celery is basically like eating air so eat it when hungry/before weigh-ins at the doctor
• Pretend to be bloated and have a tummy ache when you wake up in the morning and say "no more late night binges" this might get you out of breakfast.
• Grab a breakfast bar/apple and take a bite as you walk out the door and spit it out outside.
• Walk/Run everywhere, do lunges while you watch TV, bounce your leg when sitting
• Have a "cheat" day every month and focus on that every time you want to give in, if you give in you get no reward on cheat day (by cheat I mean bran muffin or something)

DO NOT FUCKING BRAG ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS OR YOUR DIET TO ANYONE!

EVEN IF YOU ARE "FAT" RIGHT NOW. 

ONE DAY YOU WILL BE THIN AND PEOPLE WILL BEGIN TO WORRY AND REMEMBER ALL THE CRASH DIETS YOU'VE DONE