Ugh

I feel so disgusting after I eat, so impure! I hate it so much, I want it gone, I hate it, I hate every cell from my head to my feet, I hate that I am human and have to eat. I wish I could just wither away to nothing, that is all I want....


Why can't I starve without binging?

Burger patty: 320

Cheese: 170

Crackers: (7): 98

Soup: 70 calories

Total: 658

658 bloody calories, disgusting. 

I feel like my mind is slipping from me, it is all I ever think about anymore,

I don't want help, I don't want to go to the clinic, I want to starve and die 

Hospitalization

That is right, no mistake in the title--

It was almost as if all the air had been sucked from my lungs, my entire world little more than the fragile mirror I shattered a few months back. It was when I decided I was going to admit myself that things began to get ugly in my mind.

I told my sister I was ready, I wanted help--

And so on Wednesday, 1 May

I will go to my life group--tell this lady, with the help of my sister, that I want to be admitted. 

Pale Thinspo

22, April

Does it make me "overly dramatic" or "out of line" to get pissed off and tell my mother to keep her hands off of me? Like I am so sick and tired of her thinking it is "funny" to shove me out of the way, when in fact she is shoving me out of anger or annoyance and then when she sees I am mad pretends she was "just messing". Seriously, it is simple, just keep for hands off of me or I will put my hands on you. 

_______________________________________

I was REALLY tired today, my sister called and woke me at noon (12 PM) and picked me up, we then hung out at her house until about 5-6 PM before she brought me back, I ate and then fell asleep again until like 7 or 8 and then ate again hoping to maybe get some energy from that and some diet mountain dew.

Good News: I have energy

Bad News: I am nauseated beyond belief and over heated

I burned a whopping 60 calories before my legs began to get sticky/dry from rubbing together in my humid room (can't wait for that thigh gap so I can run with ease). I feel very bloated and icky so will probably take a laxative or something and stick to water tomorrow, I don't know, we will see how I feel.

_______________________________________

Friday...The 24 of May to be exact is only 31 days from now and I want to have noticeably lost weight for my brother's graduation. I am really not far now, my waist is smaller, my thighs leaner and my upper arms more toned. I have been burning off enough calories after I eat to keep my metabolism moving, so it all really just boils down to how much I eat.

I have been pretty good with eating 1 apple a day and very little calories through out day (which add up to a bunch by the end) instead of gorging myself randomly. I find I also think less about it, but as a consequence: am afraid to weigh myself, and am not as worried about what I am spending those calories on.

So I plan to go back to eating specific foods from my list and intermittent fasting-- I can stay motivated, I can, I can-- I just need to stop feeling bad when people offer me food they paid for or cooked and I cannot eat it. 

Pro-Fat People

Pro-Fat... What does this mean, you ask... 

Let me tell you..

It is a minority group of people who LOVE fat, they strive to gain weight, love other people who are overweight and celebrate in it, it turns them on.

I have never seen ANYTHING more disgusting then this: 

She wants to gain 30lbs a week and hopes to have gained an extra 120lbs after 4 weeks. 

I cannot believe there are people like this in the world, I guess for every extremity there is a polar opposite, but this is just sick, ribs and hipbones all the way over a flabby stomach. 

Seriously, I would rather date a fellow Anorectic then a chubby,,, I know that is mean but :/ 

____________________________

But PLEASE don't take this as "I hate fat people" because I don't. Don't think that if you're overweight still or have a little flab I will be super disgusted or anything, it is fine. I don't even look at people and think like that, typically I don't care; I just don't find it attractive but rather repulsive on myself and I simply prefer skinny guys/girls over chubbier ones.. 

Chubby/Fat I mean like in the video above, I DON'T mean "10 or 15 lbs overweight" 

Random Thinspo

 

Another "How To" for the Infamous Thigh Gap

Contradictory to what one might believe the first tip is the most important and I am almost 88.9% positive all of you know it.

1. Avoid direct leg workouts! (squats, lunges, leg curls, stiff-legged deadlifts, leg extensions, leg lifts and calf raises (especially avoid heavy weights). None of these workouts slim thighs but instead bulk them up by building and toning muscles; to someone who may be like me, you might think 'hey that is not bad, I will just do it till the fat is gone and then stop' but no this is wrong! You can build/tone muscle right under fat and unless you plan on power-lifting that fat will be there to STAY. So what do you do? Watch for your muscles during leg workouts, when you feel them beginning to burn/tense up, lower the intensity and stretch it out. 
2. Cardiovascular exercises are great for slimming down your thighs! I never realized that I can jog/run for longer than a few seconds without feeling like I am going to collapse and all I had to do was lower the intensity (set the incline to 0%). While this may sound like a less of a workout because it is not as intense, it isn't, ESPECIALLY for those of you who want slimmer thighs/a thigh gap. Obviously your first and main goal should be to burn fat and avoid building muscle (if you already have skinny legs then toning, not bulking, muscles is good to create leaner legs with less jiggle).  To do this you need to avoid over using your thigh muscles, this includes trying to do "inner thigh workouts" or "thigh gap workouts". On cardio machines like a stationary bike, elliptical you MUST keep the resistance low, keep the incline low for treadmill users. If you run/jog outside stay on flat surfaces, and avoid hills or higher terrains. BUT by lowering inclination and resistance you must workout out at a moderately high intensity for maximized weight loss.
3. Endurance exercises is the most effective exercises to get slimmer thighs and legs with toned muscles. For instance, endurance runners (people who go longer distances with less intensity) have very slim and defined legs, especially when compared to sprinters/runners who run shorter distances at a higher intensity and tend to have bulkier thighs with larger thigh and calf muscles. To avoid this, lower the resistance/inclination and run for longer periods of time rather than shorter times with higher intensity. 
4. Pay attention to the muscles you feel being targeted. For instance, when doing lunges, the top of your thigh or rather your Rectus femoris and Vastus lateralis muscles would be targeted and you would know because they would tense up and become a little sore. Keep in mind all the muscles in your legs that you feel being targeted and make sure you stretch them as much as possible and try to lay off those muscles, you do not want to be working out any particular muscle in your thighs too much and end up making it bigger and bulkier. Posture is also extremely critical, if standing correctly, it will target your bum, outer thighs and hamstrings and lessen the strain on your quadriceps (front of your thighs) and calves. 
5. Resistance training is great for toning muscles and creating a desirable shape for already thin thighs without making them too bulky. You do need some muscle, especially toned muscle, for nice slim thighs (as even though thin is better than fat, toned is better than both), and resistance training will allow you to tone your muscles to get the definition you want. Models are only allowed to use moderately light weights 4 to 8 pounds and they keep their workouts to a basic code: more repetitions and less resistance. Even if you don't feel the burn at first, you will later, especially if you make it a daily affair.
6. Yoga and Stretching are both extremely great workouts that don't feel like workouts. They are great for targeting your muscles and making them appear longer and leaner, they're especially great for post-workouts if your muscles are really tight but you want to keep going. It is one thing that has helped me build endurance, knowing when to slow down from running and stretch out. 

Notice:

This entire post is not meant to deter you from doing leg workouts, but to do a variety of them with less intensity for longer periods of time instead of one or two with high intensity. Remember, if you have fat/chubby legs it is always best to stick to cardio and do leg workouts sparingly, if you have slim legs but need to tone stick to low resistance leg workouts and cardio both. 

I have only been using these tips for like 3-4 days and my thighs are already slimmer! :)

My personal diet plan

Allowed Foods:

©       Edamame (150 calories Per serving)

©       Green Apples (80)

©       Baby carrots (70)

©       Tomatoes (22)

©       Chia seeds (65)

©       Mustard (0)

Allowed Drinks:

©       Water (0)

©       0 calorie drinks (0)

©       Cayenne and/or lemon water

~Rules~

©       No eating before 5pm or after 7pm

©       Can only eat if really hungry or low on energy

©       Must walk 15-20 minutes after every meal

©       Must burn at least 100 calories (not counting after-meal walks)

©       No exceeding 300 calories a day

©       For every 10 pounds you lose, you can have 1 food reward (nothing over 500 calories)

©       Must do leg and core workouts every day

©       Must fast at least once a week

©       Can only weigh-in on Sundays and Thursdays
© You are allowed food off the list in moderation (and in SMALL portions)

~Not Allowed~

©       Binging  / “Free Days” (even if you mess up)

©       To give up

©       To get impatient

©    To consume over 300 calories in one day

©       Tell anyone about diet

Rewards:

(my list)

♥ 145 - Combat boots 

♥ 135 - A cute outfit (bottom photo on right?)

or outfit I put together xD

♥ 125 -  Cute underwear (matching lolololol)

♥ 115 - Swim suit, crop tops

♥ 105 - Jean shorts / high-waist shorts, tattoo, belly ring

♥ 95 - laptop

♥ 88 - a whole new wardrobe 

Celiac Disease

According to Mayoclinic.com:

"Celiac (SEE-lee-ak) disease is a digestive condition triggered by consumption of the protein gluten, which is primarily found in bread, pasta, cookies, pizza crust and many other foods containing wheat, barley or rye. People with celiac disease who eat foods containing gluten experience an immune reaction in their small intestines, causing damage to the inner surface of the small intestine and an inability to absorb certain nutrients.

Celiac disease can cause abdominal pain and diarrhea. Eventually, the decreased absorption of nutrients (malabsorption) that occurs with celiac disease can cause vitamin deficiencies that deprive your brain, peripheral nervous system, bones, liver and other organs of vital nourishment.

No treatment can cure celiac disease. However, you can effectively manage celiac disease by changing your diet."

My mother recently looked into some symptoms my sister and I have suffered from since we were very young symptoms like: 

♥ Random bouts of body purging (diarrhea...)
♥ Stomach cramping
♥ Bloating

There are no definite symptoms to diagnose Celiac disease but these are the general complaints of people who suffer from it. 

Celiac disease may also present itself in less obvious ways, including:

♥ Irritability or depression

♥ Anemia

♥ Stomach upset

♥ Joint pain

♥ Muscle cramps

♥ Skin rash

♥ Mouth sores

♥ Dental and bone disorders (such as osteoporosis)

♥ Tingling in the legs and feet (neuropathy)

Some indications of malabsorption of nutrients that may result from celiac disease include:

♥ Weight loss (this can be fluctuating)

♥ Diarrhea

♥ Abdominal cramps, gas and bloating

♥ General weakness and fatigue

♥ Foul-smelling or grayish stools that may be fatty or oily

♥ Stunted growth (in children)

♥ Osteoporosis

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What foods to avoid? (Celiac forces you to)

♥ Barley

♥ Bulgur

♥ Durum

♥ Farina

♥ Graham flour

♥ Rye

♥ Semolina

♥ Spelt (a form of wheat)

♥ Triticale

♥ Wheat

Foods to avoid unless labeled "Gluten Free" (which are less fattening)

♥ Beers

♥ Breads (this includes Pizza)

♥ Cakes and pies

♥ Candies

♥ Cereals

♥ Cookies

♥ Crackers

♥ Croutons

♥ Gravies

♥ Imitation meats or seafood

♥ Oats

♥ Pastas

♥ Processed luncheon meats

♥ Salad dressings

♥ Sauces (including soy sauce)

♥ Self-basting poultry

♥ Soups

And a bonus 

♥ Lactose intolerance 

Because of damage to your small intestine from gluten, foods that don't contain gluten also may cause abdominal pain and diarrhea. Some people with celiac disease aren't able to tolerate milk sugar (lactose) found in dairy products, a condition called lactose intolerance. If this is the case, you need to limit food and beverages containing lactose as well as those containing gluten. Once your intestine has healed, you may be able to tolerate dairy products again. However, some people may continue to experience lactose intolerance despite successful management of celiac disease.

Allowed Foods:

Grains and starches allowed in a gluten-free diet include:

♥ Amaranth

♥ Arrowroot

♥ Buckwheat

♥ Corn

♥ Cornmeal

♥ Gluten-free flours (rice, soy, corn, potato, bean)

♥ Pure corn tortillas

♥ Quinoa

♥ Rice

♥ Tapioca

Other gluten-free foods include:

♥ Fresh meats, fish and poultry (not breaded, batter-coated or marinated)

♥ Fruits

♥ Most dairy products

♥ Potatoes

♥ Rice

♥ Vegetables

♥ Wine and distilled liquors, ciders and spirits

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So why am I talking about this?

Because! It is the perfect excuse to get out of eating at social gatherings, friends houses, school or even at home (granted you won't need to say "Celiac Disease" just these general symptoms, or when you are out just say you have 'this weird digestion problem that prevents you from eating most foods).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Music on a Tuesday

Hollywood Undead - My Black Dahlia

Picture Me Broken - Skin and Bones 

The second one is definitely about having an Eating Disorder but the first one almost reminds me of the Pro-Ana aspect of it, where we are in a love-hate relationship with our EDs, the constant war of loving it and hating it at the same time--or it can just be a song to listen to if your boyfriend/girlfriend ever breaks your heart. 

Today

Woke up late at like 1:10-ish PM

Had:

1 burger patty by itself : 320 calories

1/3 cup of stuffing but 1 serving is 1/2 cup so just going by that: 160 calories

Total: 480

and I am done for the day. 

For those of you who did not look into that article:

Twinkie diet helps nutrition professor lose 27 pounds

His theory: "That in weight loss, pure calorie counting is what matters most -- not the nutritional value of the food"

Pro-Ana proves this point by how some people chose to take one bite of anything through out the day, eat bagels, only eat fruit, or have a monotone diet that they stick to for weeks and yet we all still lose or maintain our weight (unless we binge). 

The theory held up: On his "convenience store diet," he shed 27 pounds in two months

"Haub limited himself to less than 1,800 calories a day. A man of Haub's pre-dieting size usually consumes about 2,600 calories daily. So he followed a basic principle of weight loss: He consumed significantly fewer calories than he burned."

Obviously, you would not be consuming that much, here:

Normal intake --- New intake

1600         ---       800

1200         ---       400

1000         ---       200

He went down by 800 calories so that is exactly what I did, OBVIOUSLY you do not need to say right at 200 every single day, you can be flexible with that one especially if you are not going to be eating healthy, nutritious, energy boosting foods. 

IF you lower your calorie intake significantly like down to 200 for a daily calorie amount, make sure you are taking vitamins like Biotin, Omega 3, Daily vitamins (children vitamins for example), calcium etc. etc.

"Despite his temporary success, Haub does not recommend replicating his snack-centric diet."

"Two-thirds of his total intake came from junk food. He also took a multivitamin pill and drank a protein shake daily. And he ate vegetables, typically a can of green beans or three to four celery stalks."

"The Korean's" Tips

"I did not write these tips, and do not own any of the pictures; they came from http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2012/01/lose-weight-with-korean-diet-part-1.html If you would like further information please follow the link. I claim no rites and am only using the below article for informational purposes only." xx

1.  Eat Less

 Korea is the thinnest country in the developed world, while America is the fattest. As of 2009, only 3.5% of Koreans over the age of 15 was obese. The same number in America was an astounding 34.3%. 

If you must only take away one point from this post, take away this point:  Koreans are slim because they eat less. Forget all those gimmicky diets for a minute, and focus on the obvious -- if you eat a lot, of course you will gain weight! As long as you lower the caloric intake enough, you can lose weight while eating nothing but Twinkies and powdered doughnuts.

Here is an alarming observation. Based on the Korean's experience, American portions are between 50 to 100% larger than Korean portions. This is particularly egregious at restaurants. The Korean is not small at all -- he is 6' 1", 195 pounds. Yet he can comfortably split, say, one order of fried rice from a nearby Chinese food into a full lunch and dinner. However, the Korean sees plenty of people around him in the restaurant, finishing the entire order in one sitting.

Just think about this -- for every meal, Americans eat as much as double the amount of food that Koreans eat. How could you possibly not get fat with that much food? Don't be deceived by "one order" of food in America -- nobody needs to eat that much. Split one order into two meals. Or if that is still too much temptation, immediately throw away half of the food that you ordered. The Korean absolutely hates wasting food as much as you do, but consider it as a price to pay to lose weight. Or better yet, do what Koreans do and . . .

2.  Cook at Home

If you cook at home, you can control the portion, adjust the level of unhealthy elements in food, and avoid the delicious but unhealthy things with which restaurants and processed food companies cram their food. As the Korean said earlier, Koreans' eating habits are changing, and fewer Koreans eat home-cooked meals. But it has been the Korean's experience that Koreans eat at home more frequently.

To be fair, the fact that Koreans are more likely to eat home-cooked meal is not completely positive, because it is women who are staying home to cook. But as far as health and weight loss is concerned, there should be no question that home-cooked meals are better.

But of course, it would depend on what you eat at home. So . . .

3.  Eat More Vegetables

For this point, a picture will be better than a thousand words. A little bit of background is necessary here. The Korean Parents visited the Korean's house in the winter of 2010, and the Korean Mother prepared a party meal for the Korean In-Laws and some friends. This is what the prepared table looked like:

First, notice the portion size. It may not look like much, but this much food plus a bowl of rice for each person fed eight fully grown adults. Second, notice what kind of food was being served. The Korean made it easy in the next picture. Red square is for meat, blue hexagon is for seafood, and green circles are for vegetables.

Just look at the amount of vegetable involved at a party table. Volume-wise, the Korean would say at least 80% of the total food served was vegetables. Compare this to, say, a typical Thanksgiving dinner, where the massive turkey is the highlight of the meal. (And even the vegetables involved in a Thanksgiving meal is soaked in butter and/or sugar.) Note that this party table is not anything special, but just a larger version of an everyday Korean meal, which is comprised of a bowl of rice, some soup, and a few side dishes. And the vast majority of such side dishes are vegetables. 

One must remember that traditional Korean cuisine is born out of poverty, not opulence. Because of that, most of Korean cuisine is not very rich, nor do they require extremely sophisticated cooking methods, unlike Chinese or French cuisine, for example. But such heritage of poverty actually makes Korean cuisine the perfect diet food, precisely because it relies so much on vegetables. There are over a thousand edible herbs in Korea, and Korean cuisine completely maximizes their use. In fact, regardless of the popularity of Korean BBQ (a distinctly American phenomenon of meat-loving,) traditional Korean cuisine is nearly vegetarian. This is the right way to eat.

The Korean does understand the difficulty that Americans face when it comes to eating vegetables -- they are just so darn plain. How many different kinds of salad can one eat in a row? To make vegetables a permanent part of your life, it is not enough to like vegetables. 

You have to be addicted to vegetables; and to be addicted, one must spice them, try different variations and Korean recipes instead of trying to stomach them plain or raw if you don't care for them like that. 

Got a question or a comment for The Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com 

Click here for "The Korean's" Blog

Diet Myths

DIET MYTH #1

Put hot sauce on your food and see the pounds drop off!

The 'genius' behind this myth is that the heat from the pepper sauce will burn off calories. There's another theory that follows; that being that after eating all that hot sauce the individual gets mega heartburn and is unable to digest anything for several days/hours. Nonetheless, enjoy your food and continue to season it to your own personal taste. The amount of calories, if any, that are burned from the heat is minimal and shouldn't spur anyone to transfix on a pepper feeding frenzy.

DIET  MYTH #2

Limit your fat grams to 30 or less per day and see that weight fall off!

The 'no fat' craze sprung up in the 90's in full force and continues to be quite popular. The unhealthy results of this following should be our guide. Fact is, you need a certain amount of fat in your diet for proper digestion, shiny hair, healthy skin, energy – and so on.

Let's logically examine this low-fat, high calorie example. Maple syrup is fat-free with about 250 calories per ¼ cup. McDonalds serves some very good hotcakes that have only 9 grams of fat per three hotcakes, totaling 340 calories. Add ½ cup of our maple syrup to that and we suddenly skyrocket to 840 calories; that's with no butter added. Yes, we're still holding at 9 grams of fat, but look at those calories!! If one ate this type meal three times per day, they'd see little or no weight loss with minimal heath or vitamin benefits.

DIET MYTH #3

Exercise decreases hunger.

Exercise burns calories and creates muscle. It takes more calories to support muscle than fat. Again, let's examine this statement with logic. Exercise is extremely vital, extremely beneficial to our overall health. However, not many people who are into the exercise craze can eat anything they want. Exercise and daily diet balance weight.

DIET MYTH #4

Potatoes and bananas are fattening.

Each have about 100 calories, depending on whether you made your purchase at Paul Bunyon's Village Garden or Tom Thumb's Mini Vegetable Market. When making food choices, it's best to stick within the small to medium size range. In addition, both the banana and potato are very low in fat, filling, packed with potassium – and healthy choices!

DIET MYTH #5

Carbohydrates make you fat.

Carbohydrates are filling which is a must for any dieter. Carbohydrates are like any other food category; everything must be done in moderation.

DIET MYTH #6

Grapefruit and vinegar burn calories.

Again, activity burns calories. Running, walking, swimming, sitting, standing – all of these activities burn energy (calories = energy). Even when your body is at rest it's burning calories through 'inner activity'. It takes energy to breathe, for lung compression, for your heart to beat.

Summing it up! The bottom line is use YOUR logic when making food choices to incorporate into your diet. There's so many voices out there, advising this – advising that, where diet is concerned. Many people have listened; some have even died due to following misconstrued, bad advice. Diet Bites endorses healthy choices, wise choices, and logical choices. If there were truly a miracle food on the market today, then everyone would be on that bandwagon. So, stick with logic.

This information came from "http://www.dietbites.com/article1034.html" I do not claim the rites to this article and am only using it for informational purposes. 

Asian Tips for Weight loss

Side Note: If you post a comment with a link to your blog or site, it will be deleted automatically as I will assume it is spam, if you have a blog or weight loss site, post it on the "Ana Buddies" page.

Wives Tales:

• If you lay down right after eating you will turn into a cow (become fat); obviously this is not true, but do it enough times after eating a big/heavy meal you will soon find it can be. Take a slow-paced walk around the neighborhood after eating for 10-20 minutes to help your body digest the food quicker and easier. Especially after a heavier meal. 
• If wanting to lose weight, you cannot eat after 8pm, this is FALSE, it does not matter what time of the day you eat, only calorie intake and how much daily exercise your getting matters. 
• Eating hot sauce on everything will help you shed the weight, NO IT WON'T!!! Any calories you burn off will be minimum at best and you should really just do it to personal taste unless you are using it to control portion intake. 

General Tips and Lifestyle:

• Don't eat dinner late, keep it between 5 and 6 pm, as then you have 3 hours to digest and walk it off. 
• Aloe Vera gel, you can buy the flavoured juice or buy the actual plant, you simply cut up the plant and use only the clear gel, throw away the green as it is bitter, you can eat the gel in yogurt, salad, by itself, or put it in a drink. Lots of Asian cultures such as the Japanese, use this plant in their diet to aid digestion. 
• In Japan people really love to eat their vegetables; it is always best for 50-60% of your plate to be veggies, this doesn't mean take your normal portions and make half of it veggies it means, cut down your portions to normal, healthier sizes and THEN replace half with veggies. Japanese people are not all strictly vegetarian either, but they do include a lot of fruit, lean meats (sea food), and greens (sea weed) into their diet and usually stay away from high fat contents. Also, eating smaller meals through out the day is better than 3 large meals or 2 small and 1 large one. 
• Riding a bike everywhere, this is not just for people looking to lose weight or get in shape, it can also be a great way to enjoy the outdoors or spend time with someone. If it is close enough, maybe ride your bike to work every once in a while to see how you like it, you might find you feel much better by the end of the day from the small workout in the mornings. 
• Enjoy the scenery, being outdoors is actually proven to improve your mood, the electromagnetic field of the earth actually helps improve health and cure anxiety and depression which is why if you go to the park for a few hours you will feel yourself relax. 

Thinspo ♥

No such thing as "trying" you either do or you don't so keep GOING