22, April

Does it make me "overly dramatic" or "out of line" to get pissed off and tell my mother to keep her hands off of me? Like I am so sick and tired of her thinking it is "funny" to shove me out of the way, when in fact she is shoving me out of anger or annoyance and then when she sees I am mad pretends she was "just messing". Seriously, it is simple, just keep for hands off of me or I will put my hands on you. 

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I was REALLY tired today, my sister called and woke me at noon (12 PM) and picked me up, we then hung out at her house until about 5-6 PM before she brought me back, I ate and then fell asleep again until like 7 or 8 and then ate again hoping to maybe get some energy from that and some diet mountain dew.

Good News: I have energy

Bad News: I am nauseated beyond belief and over heated

I burned a whopping 60 calories before my legs began to get sticky/dry from rubbing together in my humid room (can't wait for that thigh gap so I can run with ease). I feel very bloated and icky so will probably take a laxative or something and stick to water tomorrow, I don't know, we will see how I feel.

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Friday...The 24 of May to be exact is only 31 days from now and I want to have noticeably lost weight for my brother's graduation. I am really not far now, my waist is smaller, my thighs leaner and my upper arms more toned. I have been burning off enough calories after I eat to keep my metabolism moving, so it all really just boils down to how much I eat.

I have been pretty good with eating 1 apple a day and very little calories through out day (which add up to a bunch by the end) instead of gorging myself randomly. I find I also think less about it, but as a consequence: am afraid to weigh myself, and am not as worried about what I am spending those calories on.

So I plan to go back to eating specific foods from my list and intermittent fasting-- I can stay motivated, I can, I can-- I just need to stop feeling bad when people offer me food they paid for or cooked and I cannot eat it.