This is a ProAna blog, it is not intended to help you get an Eating disorder but help those who already have one!

Showing posts with label Anorexia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anorexia. Show all posts

Monday, August 29, 2016

October is getting closer

111.4 pounds

I am so excited! I'm already in the Halloween spirit, which is great for me because last year, for some terrible reason, I couldn't get in the mood.. and it didn't even feel like Fall let alone October/Halloween until the day of and even then, I did nothing for the holiday so I was really upset when it was over - this year is different! I am going to prepare a calendar for daily things I'd like to do such as like... 

buying a costume, carving a pumpkin, baking pumpkin seeds, making "scary" treats mm... decorating, and of course I will have a halloween movie for every day of the month (movie marathons on the days that I don't have an activity planned)

I'm going all out this year lol, I really, desperately need something good..

My dog passed away recently, the absolute love of my life and it has torn me up inside. I wear his dog tag and still carry his ashes with me anytime I go out of town and I leave them above my bed when I sleep... It's killing me to be here without him - he was the only thing in this world I really loved aside from one of my other dogs, she is still with me but even she can't fill that void.

My mom and I also finally left my father - finally got the proof after all these years that he is a perverted and sick bastard; no details. I don't really want to talk about it. Considering I am going to group and individual therapy for my eating disorder treatment every week, I talk about those horrible things enough.

This is about HAPPINESS.

OCTOBER. 

HALLOWEEN.

It's coming, y'all. 

Oh.. right, I forgot, I am in treatment for my eating disorder now, and was officially diagnosed with Anorexia Binge-Purge Subtype. I am not sure if I already told y'all that, if not then there you go. Official diagnosis for all the snobs who have been giving me grief since day 1 that I created this blog for my ED 

Monday, May 30, 2016

Back again

Sorry for the erratic posting - I have been super busy with school and just.. life, I guess.

I'm 122 now, I was 121.8 but with all the purging it is touch and go.

I just got my CNA license, and driving license (late on the uptake, I know)

and I'm starting my nursing classes in the Fall..

I'm feeling a bit better now that I am in the 120s like I'm finally doing something but it's not enough.

I'm still as fat and disgusting as ever -- so onward and downward, as they tend to not say

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Why Would Anyone Come Back?

When you recover, when you have not recovered, when you seek out a mental illness you do not have, you may ask yourself: why would anyone sane choose anorexia, or fall back into its death grip once they've escaped?

Anorexia is so safe, it is like a nestled cocoon that we can wrap ourselves in like a blanket or a bubble to protect ourselves from everyone else. We are all in our own little world of calories, weight, numbers, control, and thin. You get to a point where it is almost therapeutic to obsess over all the numbers in your head, being forced to plan out your meal plans a week ahead..and so on. You get to a point where all the silly rituals of strict diet regimens and workouts, snapping rubber bands on your wrist, and looking at thinspo becomes...comforting. Whether your too weak to move or your still trying to get to double digits, there is no denying that this illness is our home. 

Without it, who are we?

I try so hard to keep Ana separated from myself by calling it "her" and "Ana" as if it were a person, but I know it is me, I am it. This illness has consumed me and you cannot love me without accepting it as well, because there is not one without the other... 

Without Anorexia I would be so miserably lost; I have no idea who I am without it; I don't think about anything else, I don't talk about anything else, my entire life has been planned around it, and...literally this illness is not just about food and thinness, it changes everything you are...and that is why when you recover it never really goes away...

It has infused itself into every cell, every fiber, every inch of me...it has infiltrated my life and changed every aspect, every relationship... 

I have no personality; I don't remember who I was before this eating disorder, I don't remember what I used to think about, talk about, or what I did instead of count calories, obsess over food, bones and weight...I don't remember who I was before...I think that girl has died, maybe she died long before I found Ana, I don't know.

I LOVE my eating disorder; I love the isolation, the protection, the safety...I love the tiny little bubble of secrets, excuses and lies it has forced me into that keeps everyone at arms length. I love how calm it makes me because I feel like I am drowning, constantly, because everyone seems to have their shit together and here I am failing at school because I am too busy worrying about food and how to get this fat off of me.

I love the -- sameness. How everyone that suffers knows exactly what one another are going through: the thoughts, the emotions, the binging/purging/starving cycles, the loathing, the self-harm, the reasons, the triggers.... we all know one another, we all understand and we don't judge. 

We know exactly how welcoming and cruel Ana is, we know how ugly and yet so beautiful it is; so why does it complete me? Why does it make me feel so damn safe? Maybe because it makes life so much easier if the only thing you have to think, worry and obsess about is weight, calories, and numbers. 

I don't know.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Anorexic Mentality

You know it really frustrates me when people say "just eat; if you want to lose weight, then just eat healthy and exercise"; like, I understand that they're just trying to be helpful and all, but it really isn't. In fact that is probably a really big trigger for me, so I know it has got to be bad for at least some other anorectics as well. 

I can't speak for everyone, but this is not about losing weight in the sense that I want to be healthy and look "pretty" by society's standards. This is about my need to be empty, to feel clean, it is about me feeling like I am drowning in my own body, and my only way to break away is to not eat and wait for my bones to jut out. So... for me it was once superficial, then it became about control, now it is about... well-- I am not really sure... I guess the need to be free? 

Anorectics get hungry; we don't just "think" about food, we obsess over it; we crave, we dream of food; it is not like if you shove a plate of fries to me I am going to be completely revolted. I want them, I want so badly to take a handful and shove them down my throat; this is not about control, it is all about being controlled. 

It used to be so hard to "fast" (I don't like calling it that anymore, seeing as it is never intentional anymore), it used to be so hard to keep my calories under 1000 a day; now it is like two days could pass and I wouldn't even realize because I would still be obsessing about the last thing I ate and how fat it is going to make me. 

It is like there is a constant war in my mind; I want people to notice that I am in pain, but at the same time it infuriates me when people try to take this away from me, it is me. You can't just take a part of me away. 

It is never about the health or the health issues, you just get to that point where... you don't care if you die; you keep thinking "just a few more pounds" but then you lose them, and it is never enough; no matter how much you lose, you will always want to lose more, you will always be disappointed with yourself, disgusted that you didn't lose more.

I have a hard time ingesting anything now that is not water without feeling like I just ruined everything; like the world is crashing around me; I haven't been on the scale in so long, I am afraid to even look at it anymore. 

I wish I could say this is glamorous because I know the desire to starve, the need to be thin; I know the frustration of wanting Anorexia or at least the ability to practice it and not being able to. But, this is not glamorous at all.

 I can't look in mirrors without seeing a whale of a girl staring back at me, I only have two outfits I can wear now because I have breakdowns when I put something on and it points out just one more flaw. 

I'm not going to say I want healthy girls to seek out Ana or help them on their journey with her, because I don't. I wish the only people that found this blog were those already exposed to Ana. 

Please--if you are just looking for a quick fix, a fast way to lose weight, or something glamorous because you think it is what all the cool people do: 

leave; run as far and fast as you can.

Anorexia does not make everyone skinny, but it destroys every living soul it touches; it will stay with you for the rest of your life, and whether you think you will get sucked in or not I can say now that you will. Everyone does. 

I never realized quite how disrespectful I came/come across when I say that I am Pro-Ana because there are girls who have died, are dying, will have severe health problems for the rest of their lives and there are girls who come onto the internet and LOOK for that. 

Just--don't.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Throw it out


lol you can see my feet (I am only wearing one sock because it is holding on a band-aid, I stabbed my toe on a nail since our carpet is ripped up, I accidentally stepped on it)

It feels so...good to throw away food.. not just turning food away but throwing it away! 

it is a nice rush of endorphins and serotonin 

Conquering food and saying "No, dammit!"

My mom got burgers and fries and I told her I was not hungry but she gave me fries anyway, I took them with a smile and threw them out in my bathroom's bin (I saved the sauce since my mom really likes it). 

I will do the same with the burger after she goes to sleep and take the trash out (or just give it to my dad), she will thank me for actually doing a chore for once and be none the wiser :)

Anyone else love throwing food out? or is that just a weird thing I enjoy?




My best friend and I are going to compete; she is a friend who I have met in person before and has moved out of state so were competing through text but still, at least it is someone I will see this summer and so there is real pressure to stay on top of things. 

You know... I am always so unhappy, literally depressed where I just am bored with life and need to find a way out, but...

Ana makes me happy... and no amount of hate, or "pro-ana is wrong" or whatever is ever going to change that. 

Ana makes me happy. It is the only thing that makes me happy. 

If you don't understand that or can't accept that, then I am sorry, but I don't really care... 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Ana, She Wrote.


I have no idea who this woman is but her hip to waist ratio is absolutely perfect; not to mentions the beautiful thigh gap and tiny thighs... 

When I imagine Ana I imagine this; this is what I want; I want to look like her... 

How can someone be so perfect?

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I take back what I said...

I never realized how truly...obsessed my sister was with her own image, I mean of course since she had anorexia years ago it is still a tender area but...

She skipped her best friend's engagement party because she gained 10 pounds... it barely shows (but is definitely noticeable if you see her all the time) and I'm beginning to worry ...I don't want her falling into old patterns, especially with her moving back in with us... and if she does she'll pick up on mine..

Like my little habit of running/speed walking at 2-4 am...

_______________________________

It took me 21 minutes on the dot to burn 100 calories exactly... How pathetic!!

I know I haven't ran in one or two a couple months but... CHRIST! This is unacceptable.. I am going to spend the next week building my endurance back up and hopefully be able to hold a steady run for that long (21 minutes) and burn triple that (100 calories)

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

So I moved into that lady's house (I will call her Gayla) and last night was my second night there, but this is the first time on my computer (which is still at my parent's house).

Nothing good came out of going to Brentwood except the patients, I made some pretty cool friends :)
and... I am not so shy anymore, I am more talkative and open 


I am better about eating but I have completely cut binging out, which feels amazing.

I did go to the doctor yesterday and it turns out I have walking pneumonia and I think a cold on top of that but not sure because he did not say. 

I had to get 5 X-Rays, and an EKG done, blegh, but I got an inhaler and pills so it should clear up in about a month..

My mom picked me up from Gayla's and were at home now about to eat some Tilapia and Edemame, and then were going over to her friend's house to watch a movie with her 23-year-old son and niece. Fun. 


Monday, February 25, 2013

Update

YESTERDAY
So yesterday I had no food and went to the park with my older sister and mother, my sister and I walked at about 3.5 MPH for about 90 minutes (the entire walk) we walked about 2 to 3 miles.

The entirety of the walk added up to be -395 calories.


calorie net for yesterday: 1200 - 0 intake + -395 calories = (-1595 calories)
_______________________________________________________ 
TODAY
I had popcorn in which is 94% fat free, 30 calories per bag (15 for 1/2) with 27g of carbs. It is thought that there are 4 calories per gram of carbohydrates so 4 * 27 = 108, and that leaves me with 138 calories to burn for the day so I will have burned off all the carbs and the calories. 

TIP: If it is "fat free" it will be extra high in either calories or carbohydrates.

Today's calorie net: 1200 - 0 intake + -138 = (-1338)

Because a child's body needs 1200 calories a day (a healthy woman needing 1500, a healthy man needing 2000) every day you fast you are in the deficit of that amount (in this case 1200) of calories. 

Basically it is:

Scenario 1
You eat your 1200 calories and burn them all off, you are not gaining or losing but simply maintaining.

Scenario 2
You don't eat 1200 calories and burn of XXX calories you are losing.

Friday, February 22, 2013

22, Feb.

Ugh I hate how time is so absolute, like when you start a fast you automatically want it to be at midnight because that is the first hour of the new day, but right now my time marker for the next day is 2 AM 

Okay here:

Weight Loss Juice



cabbage

carrot

cucumber

(You need to make sure it is COMPLETELY Juiced, no pulp, no thickness)

You will replace as many meals as possible with this through out the day.


I will continue this later--watching Skins (UK)

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Mgh



This post will be a little different, I have decided to write more like I did in my very first blog. I am not really personal, just whiny and obnoxious and I feel like I should blog how I used to. So here goes.

It is one of those mornings that you don't wake up to but rather greet with tired eyes, I have been awake all night again; not out of choice of course but because the dull ache in my heart refuses to fade. I am no longer looking forward to my workouts, or my yoga, and so I don't do anything; I have decided not eating would be easier than eating and working out...so I don't eat anymore. What was once a cold bite in this morning's air, is now a warmth that makes my stomach curl up in knots. 

It really has been so long since I last felt connected, even now when I am surrounded by people I am left with nothing but the bitter taste of loneliness tainting my tongue. My mother is oblivious to everything of course, as she always is. There are so many band aids acting as blankets over our problems that I have long since lost the anger and resentment I held inside me. I can't be angry, I don't have the strength anymore. When I move around sometimes, my heart flutters making me light headed, sometimes I slump to the ground because my vision goes black. I don't want to be lesbian or bisexual, I want to be straight, I like the male presence... the strength and tenderness that a woman cannot compare to; and yet, here I am wanting the presence of a girl because I am sick and tired of being so heartbroken, sick and tired of the ugliness in the anatomy of the male's perspective. I don't want any of this. I want to watch my lover play video games just so I can pull them to me and make them cuddle for a while, and then fall asleep to Paper Moon. 

I like this hunger, the pain begrudgingly creeping its way around my body, reminding me how good it feels to step on the scale and see the numbers drop; how good it used to feel to see a double digit number. I look in the mirror and see a distorted reflection of what was, is and isn't all at once and at the same time see nothing but a little girl making nothing into something. I can't help but listen to Ana's voice in which grows louder and what I used to control and force into my head just to bring Ana back is now out of my reach and controlling me. I'm slipping, my palms clammy and cold have nothing to grab to keep me afloat, my grades have been slipping and I see no hope. I see no future. 
I have so many masks not even my dearest sister knows how deep I have gotten myself this time. My throat hurts, and I can't bring a smile to my face anymore or even pretend for my mother's sake. My heart is breaking, my life is falling apart, and I can't do anything except what I do best: shut down and fall deeper into my eating disorder as if it were the first time I got it all over again. 

My Baby Kristen Stewart


If you don't like her than you're lying, and I don't really give a fuck. 

~and she is rumoured to have been showing Anorexic tendencies as she has stated she is surviving on a diet of "Cigarettes, Red Bull and the occasional bag of potato crisps" (chips). Just saying.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Binging recovering

When it comes down to it we all really are alone in this. 

I can't trust anyone anymore, my entire family is against me, trying to keep me fat and disgusting. All of them. My sister "says" she wants me to be healthy and gives me tips on how to starve yet she all but encourages my mom's habits!

My mom made pancakes which I shouldn't have eaten but I felt bad for her because she already made them and my parents get psycho about wasting shit ( ANY TIPS ABOUT THIS PROBLEM? :( )

So she was like "tell me when its good" (pouring syrup) after about 1 tbsp I said good and she was like "okay" and tilted it a lot more so that about 1/2 cup of syrup covered the fucking pancakes and handed it to me. 

I ate it and this triggered a massive ravenous binge....

SO I had a pot pie (like yesterday b/c I binged on a poboy thing and a potpie which in total equaled around 2000 something calories) which are 570 calories for HALF. But anyway...today it is rounded to 1200-1600...

Please kill me now.. 

I am going to get on my treadmill now and run/walk all night, when I get sore I will do yoga to stretch, when I am breathless I will strength train with weights and my body... when my muscles quiver I will repeat. 

I can't stand this! 

I want to be me again, i want to have one successful day, that is all it takes for me, and I know I am in the right mindset because I shoved a bottle of cayenne water down my throat along with green tea without giving up, and I already go 18-19 hours a day without eating (which is why when I do eat I am ravenous)

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Equating food with gaining weight...

I am having some serious problems with this.... I know it is I who should be giving YOU tips but please tell me what do you do when you have become "relaxed" with food?

I know eating prevents me from losing weight but I fail to connect the dots and understand eating is making me fat not being lazy. I have been binging on and off since early October, I have not worked out in a while, I have not fasted since September, I have gotten back into the 152-148 weight range (I keep bouncing around)....


Please someone just help me... tell me  what to do :( I hate eating, I hate how it makes me feel and how I feel right now, I hate not having control and feeling like a complete FAILURE, at least when I was losing weight (even though it was never enough) I felt in control..... Save me from myself

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving

I had imagined a few months ago that I would be at my UGW by now, not still struggling to be in the 130s.

I am scared, my loves, that I am not worthy of Ana anymore, not worthy to say I have an eating disorder because I have failed at everything I am good at. Why is it that the 5% of Anorexia that is binging has turned into a whopping 96% for these past TWO months? 

With Thanksgiving day after tomorrow, I am terrified because of all the food, I don't want it, oh god I don't want it, so overwhelmed by how much food will be there and my entire family on my mom's side all who will be annoyingly curious as to why I don't want to eat. My mom and sister will get annoyed, possibly pull me aside and tell me to cut it out that I have been eating normal for two months why am I doing this again, why I am I ruining thanksgiving, why am I making a scene? 

Ugh I just don't want to deal with it all!! I want my hunger back, my dropping numbers, my laxatives, my confidence boost every time I got off the treadmill and saw that my stomach was toning up little by little. 

Why cant anyone be here to slap me and tell me I don't want this food, I don't need this food! Because I don't want it and I don't need it but somehow that doesn't matter it is like my mind blanks out and its all I can do to not vomit the weeks screw ups all over my bathroom. 

________________________________________

Oh my god... ew! I went and threw ALL the sweets away, even shit that hasn't been opened, I then preceded to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes and burned 202 calories, I will finish the other 1800 in a minute. I just wanted to APOLOGIZE for my behaviour these past few months but I have finally gotten a hold of myself, I got the slap I needed and will be strong for everyone for here on out.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

What do you see in the mirror?



I have always wondered if I have BDD (Body dysmorphia disorder) because I look in the mirror and see this ginormous, ugly, creature and I compare myself to the ugliest people and the prettiest in hopes that I can pick out what makes me so ugly, what makes my fatness stick out more than their's? 

Uglyness, fatness, too wide, too big, I am too big!! Big bones, big head, big nose, big arms, too wide for this chair, taking up too much space too much too much too much!!

When I look in the mirror I see this from every angle (No this is NOT me this is just what I see) 

And everyone looks at me like I am completely insane and say "I swear to God.. you look so tiny, you are not even big!" and if they notice I have caught a glimpse of my reflection or am prodding and poking my body they quickly get out "you do not look fat if that is what you are thinking" 

Sometimes the girl in the mirror is bigger. Sometimes I actually question how I don't have diabetes, how I am able to walk without wobbling. I worry about doing things like getting on rides in fear I will be too fat to be locked in, or that I will make it shake when I sit down. Sometimes (and this is EXTREMELY hard to comprehend if you do not suffer from this or know what I am talking about) I see this:


I feel too wide when I sit on a couch or chair, like I take up more space on it than everyone else, in the car at the movies I feel my head is too big and in people's way.. 

It is so frustrating!! Never seeing progress, feeling bones little by little but still seeing too much fat here and there covering them back up! I feel the fat, making me sick! 





02, Nov., 2012

146.7 the angry red glow of those numbers burning into my eyes, into my skin.
I want to vomit my insides! How could I let this happen? How could I let myself maintain this disgusting weight? OBESITY will take me! It has its greasy, fattening claws in my back dragging me under, taking my control...

Watch this short film called "My Friend Ana" I watched the trailer over and over and over never able to find the full film and here it is, I found it for you :) 

You can go to keepvid.com and paste the link in that bar to download the video if you want to keep it, I did because it is the most triggering thing I have ever seen! Ugh lol I feel so guilty watching it, maybe it can help you too <3


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

17, Oct., 2012 Fuck the world, right?

Life is hard. And most people would sum it up with: it goes on. I think that does not do it justice. No, I think "It ALL ends" better suits it. 

I have never really liked to analyze people too much, because the longer I do it, the closer the gaping void of loneliness gets. I realize that we are all in this alone, we come in alone and go out alone, every man for himself... It makes me realize that no one gives a damn about my problems, just as I don't about yours. Hold on, hear me out. I care about people and their pain, but when it really comes down to it, does it not matter more to you when something is directly affecting you verses someone else? If your house burns down, it is your problem and will affect you for your entire life.. and for everyone else, family and friends included, it is as simple as these three words: life goes on. They have their own problems to worry about, cannot be bothered for longer then a few weeks about yours, no matter how serious they may be to you personally.   

It hurts to come to the realization that my mother will never change, no matter how much I want that to be a lie. Because you are raised to believe your mother loves you through thick and thin, more than anything in the entire world. But life is not a fairy tale  it does not have happy endings. I know some people have said "it will work out in the end, it always does" or "if it is meant to be, it will be" I say bull shit, we have said these things so many times for so long we have actually convinced ourselves that things do work out in the end, that life has a purpose for each of us.  Yes, because that is why people are on the streets, why women are abused, why children are abandoned, and why we are diseased with this sick illness that we enjoy, all because in the end, we have a purpose, and things will work out. 

I feel like my mom could have walked up and stabbed me in the stomach, even THAT would have been less painful than hearing her call me a failure, when she herself, is so low, has dug into the rock bottom just because that was not even low enough for her pathetic existence. Insecure, children hate her, working two jobs and still it doesn't help her financial problems, has no social life, and hates herself... she has nothing going for her in her life and STILL she see's me as the one who is a failure, not just because my grades are slipping, but because of what I have become. This lowly life form that people look at with sad eyes remembering when my eyes once sparkled but now just look empty and confused. I hate myself. I am so sick of people trying to relate and say that they understand exactly what I am going through or that I don't know what having a hard life is, that I have a great life compared to some people. 

That is like saying "Choose between a raped woman and a physically abused woman, which one has it worse?" It is sick, they both had awful experiences just in different ways, neither is more worse off than the other. How dare you compare me to someone who is starving in Africa, how dare you compare me to someone who has be sold for sex in America, they have a pretty shit life but you know what, just because I am not going through the exact same thing does not make what I am going through any less painful, any less real, any less... than their's 

Friday, September 28, 2012

28, Sept., 2012

Gave up on ABC diet now doing the Cabbage soup Diet (which I will explain at the end of post if you want to try it)... Because of its lack of calories it is not recommended to do it longer than a week. 

You can lose up to 11 pounds doing this diet, but I am aiming for 15-20+ since on certain days you eat veggies/fruits along with the soup and even have a meat day, I won't be doing that i will only be eating the soup all week, also I didn't use everything it called for (did not use: beef bouillon cube, peppers or beef broth) Lastly, will be drinking nothing but water on this, no coffee or tea or energy drinks. I plan to only do this for a week but perhaps I will do it longer if I am not too light headed or sick. 


Cabbage soup diet:

Instructions:
Eat as much cabbage soup as you desire for seven days and you can lose 10 to 15 pounds. The recipe varies slightly, but basically includes a variety of low-calorie vegetables such as cabbage, onions and tomatoes, flavored with bouillon, onion soup mix and tomato juice. Each day of the seven-day program has specific foods that must be eaten, including potatoes, fruit juice, many vegetables, and on one day, beef.




Day One:
Eat only fruit, all the fruit you want except banana.
Drink unsweetened tea, black coffee, cranberry juice and water.
Eat as much soup as you like.


Day Two:
All you want - fresh, raw or cooked vegetables of your choice.
Stay away from dry beans, peas and sweet corn.
Reward yourself with a big baked potato with butter for dinner.
Eat as much soup as you like, but no fruit for today.


Day Three:
Combine days one and two, eat as much fruit, vegetables and soup as you like but no baked potato.


Day Four:
Eat as many as eight bananas and drink as many glasses of skim milk as you would like on this day, along with your soup.
This day is supposed to lessen your desire for sweets.


Day Five:
You may have 10-20 ounces of beef (300-500g) and a large tin or up to six fresh tomatoes.
Drink at least 6 to 8 glasses of water this day to wash the uric acid from your body.
Eat your soup at least once today.
You may eat broiled or baked chicken (skinless) instead of beef. If you prefer, you can substitute broiled fish for the beef.


Day Six:
Eat beef and vegetables today.
You can even have 2 or 3 steaks if you like, with fresh vegetables or salad.
NO BAKED POTATO.
Eat your soup at least once.


Day Seven:
Brown rice, unsweetened fruit juices and vegetables all you want.
Be sure to eat your soup at least once to day.





Cabbage Soup Recipe


Ingredients:
1 - 46 oz. can V8 juice
1 - 14.5 oz. can of diced tomatoes
6 medium stalks of celery (approx. 1 cup)
1/2 medium cabbage, red or green (approx. 6 cups)
1 medium onion (approx. 1 cup) (Lillie prefers the sweet onions such as Vidalia)
6 medium carrots (Or pre-sliced to equal 1 1/2 cups)
2 medium green peppers (approx. 2 cups) (red and/or yellow can also be used)
1 envelope of Lipton Beefy Onion Soup Mix
1 - 14 oz. can Swanson's Lower Sodium Beef Broth
1 beef bouillon cube or package
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. black pepper... or to taste




Directions:
Chop and dice veggies. Add all ingredients into a large stock pot. Add water if necessary to bring liquids to almost twice the depth of the veggies in the pot. Bring to a boil, and stir as needed. Cook on low heat for about 2 hours... or until all the veggies are soft.
Other seasonings such as curry, parsley, or any other spices or herbs to suit your taste.
You may substitute Low Sodium V8 Juice and the resulting Sodium will be 321mg instead of 476mg per serving.




Recipe makes about 18 - 1 cup servings


Nutrition Facts per Serving (one cup):
Calories 50
Calories from fat 2
Total Fat 0.2g
Saturated Fat 0g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 476 mg
Total Carbohydrate 10.4g
Dietary Fiber 2.4 g
Protein 1.5g

Ana Buddies

Okay so I figured to make it easier on all those posting their e-mails in comments or asking for ana buddies in the comments, just tell my your e-mail and name and I will post it on my new "Ana Buddies" page, also I will promote blog links on that page if you want. 


Saturday, September 22, 2012


Fast is going great... I am having trouble ingesting anything including water, my heart feels like it is going to burst free from my chest every time I even think about eating. My weight is creeping up and I am tired of that, getting fat is not an option. 

I want this so bad:

It is so perfect.... </3

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