When it comes down to it we all really are alone in this.
I can't trust anyone anymore, my entire family is against me, trying to keep me fat and disgusting. All of them. My sister "says" she wants me to be healthy and gives me tips on how to starve yet she all but encourages my mom's habits!
My mom made pancakes which I shouldn't have eaten but I felt bad for her because she already made them and my parents get psycho about wasting shit ( ANY TIPS ABOUT THIS PROBLEM? :( )
So she was like "tell me when its good" (pouring syrup) after about 1 tbsp I said good and she was like "okay" and tilted it a lot more so that about 1/2 cup of syrup covered the fucking pancakes and handed it to me.
I ate it and this triggered a massive ravenous binge....
SO I had a pot pie (like yesterday b/c I binged on a poboy thing and a potpie which in total equaled around 2000 something calories) which are 570 calories for HALF. But anyway...today it is rounded to 1200-1600...
Please kill me now..
I am going to get on my treadmill now and run/walk all night, when I get sore I will do yoga to stretch, when I am breathless I will strength train with weights and my body... when my muscles quiver I will repeat.
I can't stand this!
I want to be me again, i want to have one successful day, that is all it takes for me, and I know I am in the right mindset because I shoved a bottle of cayenne water down my throat along with green tea without giving up, and I already go 18-19 hours a day without eating (which is why when I do eat I am ravenous)
I would suggest not fasting all day, but rather spacing out small meals throughout the day. Leave some of the plates out so you can use the "ive already eaten" excuse and have a little proof to back it. Also I know its hard to go up to high calorie amounts after so long but maybe try for like 1500 a day and then keep cutting it
ReplyDeleteI wish I had better advice. Stay strong hun!
I am having the same problem. I sort of 'lost' ana when i just went on my binge months, from fucking august. I was doing so well and then it went to shit when school started. Now Im out of HS and in College so its much easier to restrict. Today im fasting, and hopefully tomorrow too but my fiance will probably make me eat something, but today I will not eat anything. Cheers to the new year, and good luck to you sweetie, your site has helped alot and I would love to join your forum,
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