I keep fudging up, but no more, I will be fasting 22 days (added a day for punishment) and I will post every time I need to as when I post, I lose all desire to eat or binge or cheat or what ever, it helps me and so I do not care if people actually read these particular posts but it does not matter they are not particularly for you but for myself, I fudged up tonight and now I feel sicker than sick, 2 biscuits, 1 can of tuna, 1 balance bar, half a bottle of crystal light water, spaghetti noodles with peanut sauce and Parmesan cheese on top---Yeah a lot and I deserve the sickness and pain, I completely fucked up and I don't know what happened... No I will tell you what happened I turned the gosh damn lights out because when it is dark I don't have to see myself or what I am eating and therefore in my mind that makes it OK, makes it like the calories won't effect me..but they still exist and they still effect me...no use worrying over it now, I will be fasting and if I fail... I am deleting this blog, deleting my profile on ever ProAna site, and leaving myself at Ana's mercy as I let myself starve.
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