24, Sept., 2012

OK, all is well, I heard that he is just taking a break from everything and that his computer broke so he can't get on to tell his friends he was leaving for a while.

I should add that it was not just out of the blue that I assumed something happened to him, he did not reply to anyone who said happy birthday last week and a long time ago (a year to the date) he said I was the reason he had not killed himself like he planned to so I was extremely worried. 

Fasting

Back to square one, on day 1 of my fast about 17 or 18 and a half hours into it and I am 141.8 again. FINALLY back to the starting weight I was at about a week or so ago. 

I am pretty damn proud of myself, I took a cold shower to burn some easy calories (you can burn approximately 400-800 calories by taking an hour long cold shower) and then I got out and my mom just waltzed in not even freaking knocking and offered me a plate with a tuna on wheat sandwich (what the hell?) I immediately said no, I don't want that and I  took the water bottle she brought with her and she left defeated. YES!!!

 I am proud because the hunger pains are very painful (though I do enjoy them as I haven't felt hungry in a while and it is soooooo much better than being full!!!), making me nauseated, and I was this close to going to the kitchen after the shower to chew and spit but seeing my mother offer food like that (which she never ever does, she always sabotages me when she knows I am losing weight) it pissed me off and reminded me of what I am doing, my goals, and what is important. 

Because being thin is way more pleasurable then taking a bite of that sandwich and feeling like crap the whole time for failing yourself.

And I refuse to fail myself any longer, refuse to have my mom and dad snicker when they see I am trying to fast and lose more weight because they think I can't do it. Well no more, I will show them all that I can and will be skinny! :)

I Love you all, stay strong it is so worth it<3