Binging recovering

When it comes down to it we all really are alone in this. 

I can't trust anyone anymore, my entire family is against me, trying to keep me fat and disgusting. All of them. My sister "says" she wants me to be healthy and gives me tips on how to starve yet she all but encourages my mom's habits!

My mom made pancakes which I shouldn't have eaten but I felt bad for her because she already made them and my parents get psycho about wasting shit ( ANY TIPS ABOUT THIS PROBLEM? :( )

So she was like "tell me when its good" (pouring syrup) after about 1 tbsp I said good and she was like "okay" and tilted it a lot more so that about 1/2 cup of syrup covered the fucking pancakes and handed it to me. 

I ate it and this triggered a massive ravenous binge....

SO I had a pot pie (like yesterday b/c I binged on a poboy thing and a potpie which in total equaled around 2000 something calories) which are 570 calories for HALF. But anyway...today it is rounded to 1200-1600...

Please kill me now.. 

I am going to get on my treadmill now and run/walk all night, when I get sore I will do yoga to stretch, when I am breathless I will strength train with weights and my body... when my muscles quiver I will repeat. 

I can't stand this! 

I want to be me again, i want to have one successful day, that is all it takes for me, and I know I am in the right mindset because I shoved a bottle of cayenne water down my throat along with green tea without giving up, and I already go 18-19 hours a day without eating (which is why when I do eat I am ravenous)

BMI: Don't trust it.

Hello my lovelies, all is well with everyone I hope?

Please Remember: I understand Anorexia is not all about getting thin / losing weight, I have the disorder I understand it more than you think. However, feeling fat/overweight is a huge part of it and feeling like crap because you think you are so far from your ultimate goal is hard and can cause people to get psychologically depressed. This post is specifically designed for those who are overweight and those who think they are 20-50 pounds (fat pounds) away from their goal. 

Down to business!

Online BMI's: Don't trust them

Why? 

Well for obvious reasons that everyone should know, your weight FLUCTUATES every millisecond of the day!!

 EVERYTHING contributes to your weight from things like: water weight, eating, working out, using the bathroom...

to things like: taking pills, hair (everywhere but especially head) bones, muscles, organs, gas, fat percentage...

And did you know: the majority of your weight comes from WATER and WASTE, this means that you may not actually need to lose 20-50 pounds but only 10-15 because in actuality you don't have that much body fat but just lots of water and waste weight. 

Question numero uno: does water weight add layers like fat? 

Answer: Sort of, it can actually LOOK like fat, it adds pounds, and many people confuse 5-10 pounds of fat with 20+ because of water  (example:

THAT is what water weight can and does look like. So you may "think" you have lots of pure pounds of fat to lose but you are WRONG!

 (similar to how waste makes you bloated/bigger?)

LASTLY..

Because your weight is based on things like height, bone/muscle mass, waste, water-weight, and how much food is still in your stomach/digesting... BMI calculators online are ALWAYS inaccurate when it comes to fat percentage. it CAN give you a rough guesstimate as to how much you should lose but honestly it is best to go to a doctor to see how much you REALLY need to lose and go from there to get to your UGW! 

Equating food with gaining weight...

I am having some serious problems with this.... I know it is I who should be giving YOU tips but please tell me what do you do when you have become "relaxed" with food?

I know eating prevents me from losing weight but I fail to connect the dots and understand eating is making me fat not being lazy. I have been binging on and off since early October, I have not worked out in a while, I have not fasted since September, I have gotten back into the 152-148 weight range (I keep bouncing around)....

Please someone just help me... tell me  what to do :( I hate eating, I hate how it makes me feel and how I feel right now, I hate not having control and feeling like a complete FAILURE, at least when I was losing weight (even though it was never enough) I felt in control..... Save me from myself