I used to pride myself in originality but here we go again.. I had a mental breakdown--ah well I shouldn't say that but whatever--whilst talking to my mum and...
Basically it came down to
Mum: Summer, I am proud of you, I have ALWAYS told you that and how beaut-
Me: Proud of what? Flunking out of school? Being a fat nothing? Oh or maybe that I am just bored with everything and have no plans for my life aside from the obvious of eventually getting admitted... [voice breaks and tears flow]... It is just [sisters name] is in medical school to be a nurse and plans on becoming a doctor, [brothers name] is at boot camp and is joining the army and I am just here--being nothing.
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Last night... My mom triggered my ED again, we were juice fasting together until I decided to water fast while she juice fasted, and I screwed up and anyway she offered to fry me an egg because I said all I needed was protein, and I was like "yeah, sure, and one slice of toast" and she said:
"Summer--you're over killing it, what are you trying to do? Just ruin your entire diet?"
What in the fucking hell gives you the right to tell me not to eat a god damn piece of toast with one fried egg?
So of course all Hell broke loose and I just told her to forget it and thus went on to continue fasting.
Did not sleep at all.. I stayed up looking at thinspo, then watched a few Ana-related documentaries and finally watched 2/3 of the movie "The Hunger Point" (fudging AWFUL)
Now here I am... posting on here in the hopes it will help ease my mind.
It is not working
I'm so sorry your mum was so insensitive. A piece of toast with an egg would hardly have ruined your diet.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you're okay.
Take care.
I'm sorry about your mom lovely bones is right a piece of toast would not have ruined your diet.
ReplyDeletei just found your blog and spent the past hour reading backward. you are informative and honest and you write enough to satiate my need for thinspo/inspiration. <3
ReplyDelete