INspiration

I just feel like somewhere there is someone that really needs something positive today.

Take a moment to smile at someone or even at your own reflection; you might be surprised how much a smile can change your mood. Try helping someone out or doing something unexpected, tell someone close to you how much they mean to you...we are not promised a tomorrow so don't try to pass up today. Talk to someone you haven't in a long time, even if it is an older relative that won't let you get off the phone! 

Brighten someone else's day with words of encouragement or even a compliment you normally would keep to yourself; you don't know how much those little things could mean to someone else. 

Finish that to do list or help someone else with theirs; 

Go sit outside [if it is a nice day] and enjoy life for its simplicity; 

take one day out of your life, or even just an hour, and donate it to someone else or simply use it to humble yourself; forget about numbers, food, and what others may think about you and just be

I really hope all who read this have a wonderful day whether they do any of these things or not; whether you hate me or don't care, I really care about all my followers and readers; and this is so cliche but I mean it:

You're all beautiful people, despite your past or even what you may have done today; no matter what you have done, didn't do, what has been done to you, or what's been said: you are a beautiful person inside and out that deserves at least one day without hate, negativity or worry!

You might think "Oh she doesn't even know me, how can she know if I am beautiful or not," but I don't need to see your face or even to have met you to know that you're an amazing person with a lot of life still within you. 

For just one day, love yourself and everyone you meet; Smile at the sun, watch the birds, take a deep breath. Even if no one smiles at you today or says anything nice:

I love you, God loves you, and

 today is just a drop in the ocean, it will fade, so don't let the awfulness in and keep your peace

<3

Still Missing; and...Maid of Honour???

My uncle is still missing, and sadly my grandma has yet to file the missing persons report.

 

 

On another stress-inducing note, my sister's wedding is coming up in a year and a half, and we are going dress-looking this May! THIS May...

 

3 months to get my shiznit together and lose it; I am going to take aderrall like crazy and workout like I am preparing for battle; I will not , repeat, NOT going to be a fat maid of honour. NOT bridesmaid, no, I am a maid of HONOUR. Right next to the bride in all the pictures and in front of the crowd! Lord have mercy on my trapped skinny soul.

 

 

At least this superficial worrysome takes my mind off of the important things at hand. It brings me peace to focus on calories and weight and numbers and inches... instead of what's around me, the tangible pain of life.

 

This is seriously how I see myself in pictures when next to my sister

 

 

I am not exagerating. No matter how "skinny" or "pretty" I may look in a photo according to anyone... if I am next to my sister, I am big and round and that is the end of it.

 



You know...

I've always really wanted to write a moving novel, but I have never had any ideas for one; not any good ones at least...

Until now; I just recently realized, like last night recent, that my life is straight out of a lifetime movie or thriller novel... well it is not so much because of my adventures or anything like that, but rather those who're around me, these are the characthers that seem to propel my life into the direction of fiction.

I found out, not too long ago, that one my dad's brothers, his youngest, was a criminal; not just a criminal... he was put on death row and even has his own episode on one of those FBI reenactment shows that still airs to this day. [due to anonymity I will not disclose any information].

That is not something you just find out ! I looked him up in, what I thought was, a futile attempt to see  what he looked like! I knew how redundant it was to look up my uncle's name on google and expect a picture..that is, until I saw his name...plastered everywhere and in every link that popped up.

Last night we found out my other uncle, the middle brother of the three,  is missing and has been for a week; it is very, very unlike him to just up and leave without telling his mom [he had tried calling my dad a week before vanishing but my father missed it]. Not to mention, his phone has been off the entire time, he left his cat with no food or water, has been showing signs of severe depression, and my cousin says she saw him pack that back of his truck with stuff.

I know you are not supposed to expect the worst but what am I supposed to do with this? What could I possibly expect from this scenario other than something is really, really wrong here?

My mother tried to make light of it saying he was possibly running off with his gay lover, which is completely idiotic as he'd never put his family through the pain of worrying for something so selfish after what happened to my other uncle. My sister's fiance just kept making light of it saying "oh he is fine, he is a man and can take care of himself, I am sure he just wanted some time away" to which my sister angrilly replied, "you don't know that, we don't know what has happened, so stop acting like everything is just 'fine' here, it isn't going to make hre feel any better. That just is not realistic."

It is not my sister's uncle but I am glad she understands how this makes me feel, but soon after she was back to normal and saying that I should do my best to pretend it did not happen; that is not what she said but that is basically what she meant. My mother was the same, telling me to just pray for strength to keep going. Don't you think I know I should pray? Don't you think I flipping know that I need to be strong?

How are you going to tell me my uncle is missing and tell me just an hour or two later I need to just 'be strong' and 'keep going' as if it is not happening?

He may not be related to you so you don't care as much, but why don't you think about my feelings every once in a freaking while?

It is not just my uncle I am worried for, but if something happened or happens to him, then what about my FATHER? Who already had to witness alongside his mother his youngest brother being put to death! YOU may not give a damn, or even think about these things...but it is all rushing through my head and all I want to do is cry and sleep.

I didn't even want to make a post, but writing is the only thing that brings me solice...the only thing that makes me feel normal during times like this...

Such is the life of a disordered girl,  huh?