Worst Sweet 16 Ever

So I had originally told myself to have no expectations for today and even without any expectations my family STILL managed to disappoint me and make this the worst day of my entire life. 

No, I am not talking about getting the wrong colour Ferrari or some pathetically selfish crap like that

My mother never came in my room before she left for work to say happy birthday, instead she sent it in a text. The card she left on the counter said nothing except "Happy birthday love mom, dad and the pups xxx" 

I won't even see her until 2-3 am when she gets off and by then my birthday will be over.

The one thing I asked for and they can't get it because they can't afford it due to my father's cigarette addiction and my mother's spending/gambling one. 

My sister did not even come over (she literally lives right down the freaking road) 

Not that I would eat it, I didn't even want one, but there was no cake, and when they asked what cake I wanted YESTERDAY (the day before) my mother was like "I bet she wants chocolate mmmm isn't that right" 

I hate chocolate cake!!!

I can't expect anything out of today, not a forced family dinner, cake, awkward birthday song, gift(s)... nothing... not even a mediocre movie with my family... I fucking hate them all 

All I wanted was for my mother to take off work and my sister to come over and spend the day with me, watch a movie together or go out to a bookstore or the boardwalk dammit I don't know! 

I am so depressed I thought my life would be so different... I thought I would have learned to drive by now, have braces by now, be pretty/skinny by now, my parents would know me by now...

Not one balloon.

While having parents who never pay attention to me may be good when it comes to Ana

...it sucks for everything else. 

Tips: hiding your secrets

Parents

Excuses:

• "I ate at school"
• "I binged this/last _____, I am too sick to eat."  
• "I ate at _____'s house." 
• "I'm on my period, so my appetite is messed up." / "My birth control is messing with my appetite."
• "I'll eat later, I have got homework."
• "I'll eat later, I have a stomach ache right now..." (Take some tums in front of them)
• "I'm cramping!"
• "I don't like _____"
• "If you want me to eat then let me fix my own dinner."
• "I'd rather a dry salad." 

Evidence:

• Make an effort to go into the kitchen in the middle of the night/right after parents go to bed and make a little bit of noise with plates/fridge/sink (pretending to be late-night snacking) 
• Leave dirty plates in the sink/your room, make sure you throw out the food that you "ate" using that dirty plate. 

Last Resort:

• Have a rag/napkin in your pocket, try to be inconspicuous as you chew your food and "cough" a bit before putting your hand/napkin to your lips to take the food out and put it in your pocket. After dinner shake the rag out into toilet and flush the gunk down. 
• Try to eat in your room if you can, have a grocery bag stored in there to put the food in and bring the plate back, when parents are asleep throw bag away.
• If you have to eat dinner with the family then fast all day everyday so that those are the only calories you are taking in (eat only half of what is on your plate and show struggle like you are so full you are going to be sick) make sure you work out lots afterwards. 

Friends

Excuses:

• "I ate before I came"
• "I don't like _____."
• "No thanks."
• "You're not with me 24/7,  I eat all the time at home."
• "I have a fast metabolism, I eat a lot when I am home alone." 
• "Not in the mood to snack, trying to tone my muscles."

Evidence:

• Bring packed lunches to school (baby carrot sticks/celery) so they can't say you don't ever eat.
• If you are at a friends house and it is "snacking time" simply eat a fruit or claim indigestion. 
• If you're sleeping over dinner time: make sure you only get a very little, then eat only half of that, if they say anything simply say that you weren't very hungry to begin with.

Coworkers

Excuses:

• Man/Woman up and tell them it is none of their business.

Evidence (if job is on the line due to health):

• Bring packed lunches (1 slice of reduced calorie bread with mustard, carrots)
• Take lunch breaks and actually leave the office, take this time to get a diet coke from a fast food joint so when you come back it looks like you ate there. 

Lovers

Excuses:

• "I am a vegetarian/vegan"
• "not that hungry tonight"
• "it is my period/birth control"
• (distract them?Take their mind off of it?)

Evidence:

• same as you would at home with parents: leave dirty/clean dishes in sink (say you washed them)
• Cook dinner/lunch/breakfast for your partner whenever possible to take their attention from you eating
• Make deserts like cake all the time (you can cut slices and "bring them to work" but throw it out) 

The best thing in ANY scenario is to not always "play it off" or "distract them" this only works so many times before they realize you avoid that subject, every once in a while you need to have an excuse/evidence in place so that they don't think twice about it. 

You know your family/friends/partner better than I do, you know what excuses will and won't work, you know what you can/cannot get away with. Use what you have to your advantage (i.e. if your parents work late/home alone often/never go out/etc.) 

You want them to either be in denial about your habits or genuinely believe that you are eating, you just are "finicky" or "picky" 

Tips: prevent a binge

To Do List: 

• Count as high as you need to, to calm down/redirect your thoughts and assess the situation
• Read anything you've written about binging/wanting to fast or make a list of reasons you should not eat
• Take a deep breath and down as much water as possible
• Keep telling yourself that you will eat as soon as you finish another glass of water
• Look at some thinspo:

Distractions:

• Make a list of all the foods you would like you eat/are craving and look up what REALLY goes into those foods (i.e. peanut butter = insect particles, rodent hairs)
• Watch that show/movie you heard about but never got around to: 

Shows & Movies Online (Legal and Free, no download or surveys)

• Write out a new diet plan/weight loss plan
• Make a list of things you will reward yourself with instead of food
• Write down / Remind yourself why you want to lose weight
• Listen to music and day dream/write fan fiction
• Read fanfiction or stories on Wattpad.com
• Tumblr/Twitter
• Drink lots of cold water and favourite tea (1 tbsp of creamer is 10 calories, splenda sugar 0 calories)
• Watch shows/movies/videos that trigger you, especially with actresses/actors whose body you want
• Go through your Ana book/journal if you have one
• Write down everything you're feeling, what is helping and what isn't (this will help for next time) add it to your ana book/journal

COUNT TO 10 AND BREATHE

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS WITHOUT BINGING