So... I think I have a heart disease? I was lying in bed and walked to the living room to see what my mom wanted and mid-sentence my heart started pounding and I was seeing black, I put her hand to my chest, laughing it off saying, "told you my heart was being funny" she said nothing, just..dropped it. I mean it has done it in many cases besides that, like standing still...or sitting? I hope it kills me. 

I did... a very...very bad thing and it scares me. Even though I practically hate the world right now, anyway... 

I mentioned to my dad my mother wanted a divorce in a conversation about how their unhappiness shouldn't last much longer...and he said SOMETHING (she wouldn't tell me, flat out said to me face "I don't trust you, maybe I did once but things change and so have you") to her that made her realize he knew she was planning on divorcing him, and kept asking me and my sister if we said something, anything or if we knew anyone who could have.......I know I shouldn't feel so guilty, she constantly tells him after fights 

"well we should just get a divorce then"

"Fine then lets just get a divorce" 

"Well then we can just get a fucking divorce and you can go stay with your girlfriend you lying bastard" 

And yet here she is wondering why he has put two and two together that she is planning on leaving him. 

I feel trapped. So trapped. In this body. In this house. In this fucking world. I can't even cry anymore, I have held it in so long that even when I try to cry, the pain just deepens 

Thanks for nominating me!

1. What is your favourite memory?
2. What was your first relationship like?
3. Club Party or House Party?
4. Who is your icon idol?
5. One rule that you live your life by?
6. If you could have any pet what would it be (any animal)?
7. If you had one super power what would it be?
8. Ideal celebrity partner and why?
9. What are your favourite movies?
10. What is your star sign?
11. What is your biggest regret?

1. What is your favourite memory?

When I went to the fair with my gay best friend, I was absolutely in love with him, on the ride back home we sat in the back bench-seat and he was so tired, he laid his head back and I leaned against him and he wrapped his arm around me and there we took a nap :')

1. What was your first relationship like?

I've never really had a "real" relationship, with kisses and hugs and cuddling and dates and the whole nine yards, my first relationship in general would have to be in 3rd grade, it was with this adorable little boy in my class and he likes both me and my best friend so we all went out together at the same time. 

1. Club Party or House Party?

Club party all the way!

1. Who is your icon idol?

Kristen Stewart, not because of anything special, just because she looks exactly how I want to.

1. One rule that you live your life by?

I don't eat pig. Ever.

1. If you could have any pet what would it be (any animal)?

If I could train it to do whatever I wanted, and be safe with it around then I would want a big grizzly bear.

1. If you had one super power what would it be?

To be the same as a the vampire Alice from Twilight (No body fat, live forever, amazing eye sight, strength, stamina, impossibly beautiful, graceful and fast, have the power to see into the future)

1. Ideal celebrity partner and why?

Ian Somerhalder. He is sexy as freaking hell, has a funny, sarcastic personality need I say more? 

1. What are your favourite movies?

• Howl's Moving Castle
• Beauty and the Beast
• Amadeus
• Interview with a Vampire

1. What is your star sign?

Leo

1. What is your biggest regret?

Letting myself get fat, and allowing it to stay that way by messing up.